Don't ask me why I can't leave without my wife. I won't ask you how you can.

Say it with me, Josh Duhamel and Timothy Olyphant are different people. One often finds himself fighting transforming robots from space, and the other stars in the 2010 remake, The Crazies. Last night I decided to give this one a spin, feeling obligated to watch something scary. Now, any of the Transformers movies would've qualified, but I was looking to be scared by the number of mindless zombies in the film, not by the number of those watching it.

We open with a scene of a town ravaged by an unknown force. Screen goes black. Two days earlier is written on the screen. I was hooked. Imaging the total devastation of life in less than 48 hours was intriguing. For the most part, it's played incredibly straight, too. At least initially, anyway.

Though the pacing seems to match its rural setting, it never really bothered me. It actually isn't as violent as I expected either. At one point, I actually wrote (yeah, I sometimes take notes...shut up about it) Not Scary. Not too gruesome. But then the scene in the nursery happened and I thought, scratch that. Intense! These mindless zombies can hold a grudge. What jerks. Oh, and the scene at the car wash was all kinds of awesome. And not for the reasons that car wash scenes are usually awesome. There's no time for the naughty bits. Realistic? Yes. But c'mon, neither is the finale in the big rig, but that made it in.

One major fault that I had with this one centered around the main character's wife, Judy, the town doctor. She's pretty - that's appreciated, she kicks just enough ass - thanks there, but she also is the center of much of the drama. More than a few times she's at the business end of some ol' fashioned zombie rage (the pitchfork scene was pretty cool). Problem is, never, and I mean never, did I think she was gonna get it. And without that, I was left to see how they were going to make it out town alive. And the ultimate move to spring them was pretty weak, but whatever. I still enjoyed the ride. It's not everyday you see a guy shot in the head playing the Ortiz shift at second. That was cool.

Anybody else feel like playing Left for Dead?

5 Things to look for:

1. The mayor is obviously a Jaws fan. You can't shut off the water! It's crop season! C'mon, dude.
2. You find a guy with his eyes and mouth sewn shut. You cut his mouth free so he can tell you, "Behind you," and save your ass. Hmmm. About that...
3. No one gets run over! Wait? Isn't this a zombie movie? Somebody owes me a dollar. If not two.
4. Did Peter call? Did Peter call? Did Peter call?
5. Hey, Cedar rapids! Sorry about that.