What do you think I have down there? A gnome?

And she's got the most incredible body too...

It's weird. Watching high school movies now doesn't necessarily remind me of my own high school days. I now imagine myself of the parent of a high school student instead. Granted, my son is only 2, but it seems I'm closer to his teenage life than mine. Yeesh. Depressing.

What is the complete opposite of depressing, is last night's flick, Easy A. I don't know if we'll look back on this one like classic teen movies such as Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Breakfast Club, but trust me, this one certainly deserves it. Awesomely aware of the movies that I just mentioned, Emma Stone delivers a performance that will cement her as the ultimate hot-yet-attainable movie chick. Like a much cooler Sloan Peterson...

Obviously, this is Stone's movie. She's been solid in movies like Zombieland and Superbad, but she rules here. She delivers every witty line like she just thought of them. Nothing forced, just pure awesomeness. She's like a dude. A very sexy dude.

...and a pair of titties that make you want to stand up...

 Here's a challenge for you. Find a cooler set of movie parents than Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson. Don't bother. It's impossible. Not only are they both great actors, but they lend such credibility to Olive being as cool and smart as she is. Maybe you won't buy their brilliance as easily as I did, but I loved them. Their openness and humor will be the blueprint for my parenting approach. Yes. Movies will govern how I raise my children. Especially flicks about teenagers getting it on. Logical.

...and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy!

Also kicking ass are the supporting players, too. Thomas Haden Church plays the teacher I want to become in real life, Mr. Griffith. Penn Badgley plays the guy I wish I was in high school, Woodchuck Todd. And finally, Amanda Bynes plays the girl that didn't exist in my school, the uber-religious Marianne. All three a tad cliche, but you'll like them. At least the guys. Bynes' is kind of a bitch.

Random Thoughts Before I Call It...

This guy would know what movie I'm quoting.

• Is Don't You (Forget About Me) the best soundtrack song ever? Uh, yea. It is.
• You have a fat guy. He's sad. He's shirtless. Does he have to be eating a candy bar, too? C'mon, now.
• Why are gift cards so funny? Autozone giftcards especially. And, T.J. Maxx, too.
• Hey, movie. Thanks for teaching me trollop. I use whore waaaay too much. Nice.
• Quizno's Guy? Stellar.

At the mention of reasonably delicious sandwiches, I'm out. As they say in Canada, take it Easy A.

Not only did I just write that, I'm not going to delete it.