First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp-slapped you into that china cabinet.

Well, it turns out that I'm not black. I know, I know, you're shocked. I only mention race because last night's badass flick, Black Dynamite, got me thinking about whatever it is people are referring to when they say black cinema. I guess it means the films are aimed at the interests of African Americans, but in my opinion, only those who like (more often than not) bad movies. Granted, there have been many "black" films that I have really enjoyed over the years, and Black Dynamite was certainly one of them. Does anyone say white cinema?

This poster is better than at least 20% of the movies I watch.

Black Dynamite is an excellent parody. I remember my older brothers watching blaxpoitation and kung-fu flicks when I was a kid. I really can only recall a few things about both genres (in my mind, they completely overlapped): funky beats, ridiculous costumes, fighting, shooting and the occasional titty. Black Dynamite satirizes all of that in the most loving way possible. For the first fifteen minutes or so, I thought to myself, this is the best movie I have ever seen. Not funny, or funniest, simply the best. Period. It was so spot on and awesome, I could barely handle it. I wanted to kick down a door and just start punching and/or doing bitches.

Tiny. Get Pimpin Jake out of my trunk.

Michael Jai White, who for me, was only in Spawn, absolutely owns as our main man Black Dynamite. He is not only an incredible physical presence (dude is jacked), but he delivers each ridiculous line with the most deadpan sincerity I've seen in a long time. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

"Donuts don't wear alligator shoes."

"Ha-ha! I threw that shit before I walked in the room!"

Look. I could quote this one for the rest of the post (and potentially, the rest of my life), but I simply can't do it justice.  Maybe I should just head to the Yays and Boos, Bad mamma-jamma style.

Excuse me... is that 'sex panther' you're wearing?

Yaaaaaaaaaaay!

• Anaconda Malt Liquor! Might taste good going down...but, damn.
• What's funnier than an old lady getting kicked across a room? Wait. I know this one. Nothing.
• The boom mic. Brilliant.
• Overly explained flashbacks!
• Nunchuks. Simply not in enough movies.
  
• The mere mention of half a titty killed me.
• It's not the first time it's been done, but when the lyrics to the background music exactly explain what's currently on the screen you have to love it. Have to.
• Roscoe's Chili and Donuts. 
• Everyone delivers their lines like they're reading them off cue cards. It's frickin' great.
• The scene in the pool hall where the thugs talk all kinds of shit to Black Dynamite as he's walking away is hilarious. Turns out he was just flipping the open sign around.
• The secondary cast of characters are all pretty legit guys. Even better are their character's names. Cream Corn, Sweet Meat, Kotex, Fiendish Dr. Wu, Chicago Wind and even Mo Bitches. If I were still in high school I would have had Chocolate Giddy-Up screened onto my basketball jersey.
• And even though there's a ton more, I'll leave with you with the scene when they figure out the evil plan. Genius.

Totally leased that helicopter from the Catalina Wine Mixer.

 Booo!

• Even though it's short, I think it might have, just barely, overstayed its welcome. By like a minute or two.
• Not enough ass-kicking. I could watch BD jump kick fools for the rest of my life.
• No enough booty. BD is way too smooth to only hit the hay a handful of times.

Bottom Line: Even if you're overly white, I think you'll dig, the Black Dynamite.