We're not the only smart guys in the world.

As the economy has sputtered and bottomed out, it's an utter grind being a working stiff. In my own line of work, education, higher-ups have flat-out told us, eventually, we'll have to pay you more. The market won't be so bad forever. Well, thanks for that.
Currently, many of us are being vastly underpaid. But, with a glut of teachers out there looking for work, not to mention school budgets (which are based on property values) being slashed left and right, there isn't much we can do. Our hands are tied. We take a big ol' bite of that shit sandwich, and hard as it is to do so, swallow it down, smiling the whole time. Mmm. That sounds good, I'll have that.

Now, as I typically worry about myself and my field, rarely have I thought about how these hard times affect, say, scumbags and lowlifes. Well, different scumbags and lowlifes.  

Killing Them Softly, 2012's allegorical tale, puts these degenerates front and center in a dilapidated post-Katrina New Orleans. Turns out, things are hard for those unsavory types, too. And like the big businesses and corporations that helped financially devastate this country, a few of these crooks decide that they'll make money any way possible. In fact, these guys are too lazy to sell drugs or set up elaborate ponzi schemes. So, they do the next best thing. These guys decide their best play is rob each other. Bad move, that. The solution? Send in Brad Pitt to make sure this type of shit doesn't happen again. Well, again again.

If you can get past the fact that damn near every person who appears on screen is a piece-of-shit lowlife, you might have a good time with this one. About ten minutes in however, my seemingly angelic wife gave up and shot me the you thought I'd like this? look, to which I logically replied, Well, yeah. It's got Brad Pitt, doesn't it?

Sort of, anyway. Sure, Pitt plays the guy who anchors the story and does a lot of the dirty work, but it also felt like he was somehow a supporting player, too. While that's generally fine, his Jackie was the character I wanted to spend the most time with. So whenever they strayed too far from him (or let Gandolfini loose) things seem to meander a bit. Still, I liked the flick. I did. I just felt like something was missing. And it was likely some more face time with my boy [man-crush?] B-rad, sadly.


Sorry. There was no need for brackets there. I'm only pretending there's a question of my endless adoration of Pitt. That shit's fact. But what I'm far less certain of is the overall quality of the film. It seems like most people are deeming it a bust, but being so short in runtime, my advice would be to give it a spin and see for yourself.

But who you should stay far, far away from. That hardcore pair, the Yays and Boos. They're real wannabe tough guys. Every time I leave for school, I hear one of them yell Sonny was right. The workin' man is a sucker. Dicks.

If you can't choose Goodfellas, what's the best Liotta role?

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

• As much as I love Pitt, I'm starting to think Ray Liotta is the f--king man. I mean, obviously, he's f--king Henry Hill, so there's that. But, no one plays a loveable almost-scumbag better than Mr. Liotta. Loved his confidence here. It was almost like a nod to all the other shady characters he's played before. I want Liotta's insane cackle as my ringtone.
• While we get a fair amount of Ray, we don't get nearly enough of Richard Jenkins. Loved his turn as the pragmatic go-between.
• Oh man, getting run over by a driverless car? Equal parts funny and awful..
• The only thing stranger than telling your friend about a woman's post-coital suicide confession? When your buddy casually mentions, Oh, they all say that.
• Next time I'm going to commit larceny, I'm going to make sure I wear gloves. Dish washing gloves.
• The violence. The beating that Barry handed Markie was so brutal, it made me want to puke. Too. Then Steve jumps in. And just...damn.
• But that scene can't hold a candle to Jackie's slo-mo assassination of a certain character. Wow.
• The whole killing them softly idea was very cool. I like how one the one hand it's somewhat respectful, but on the other it's the biggest bitch-move ever.
• The script can be quietly hysterical. My favorite two lines? Something about a hotel that don't like whore fights or when someone aroused the rabble. Brilliant.
• And finally, on that note, I loved the ending. Loved that last line. Boils it all down nicely. Pretty sure Henry Hill once had a very similar monologue, too. 

Almost every scene in this movie is ugly.

Booooo!

• I swear, sometimes, the accents were all over the place. I couldn't place half of these a-holes.
• Whoa. I talk about the Movie Rules all the time, but show some respect to the Jail Rules. Rule #1 is gross. But Rule #2? Worse. I'm opting for Rule #3. Never go to jail.
• Russell's scene where he's tripping balls was cool, but disgusting and sad, too.
• Speaking of nodding, I began to literally doze by the end. Did I fall asleep, or did someone end up dead that we never actually saw die? Help me out, here. I missed any implications of that. Or, I have zero imagination and must be shown everything.
• And finally, the biggest Boo of them all in this one, James Gandolfini. I'm not saying it's a bad performance or anything, but his character is the f--king worst. Not only is he the shittiest hitman on the planet, but he's also an annoying prick. I'm a big fan of awkward, but this guy is miles beyond that. Oh, and I'm taking extra points for being a real dick to the waiter. Oh, and the hooker, too. That's no way to treat people trying to serve you. Believe me, I know. (Slow down pervs, I was a waiter. Er, server).

No matter what your line of work is, we all deserve compensation. Watching Brad Pitt get his hands dirty and take care of business in Killing Me Softly made me truly feel a little compassion for all the degenerate scumbags busting their asses and not getting a dime in return. Even sleazy jerks deserve something for their efforts.

I mean, this blog doesn't write itself, you know.