Can we do this again? Like, all the time?

Last Wednesday, I had to take our four-year old to the doctor's office. Dad Doing Official Business is challenging enough, but this instance was even more trying. Matty needed to have blood drawn. See, since birth, the kid's been allergic to milk and eggs, which, unsurprisingly, are found in everything. Well, everything reasonably priced, anyway. Anyway, Matty was slightly concerned that they were going to suck all his blood out. To ease his fears, and award his bravery, I told him that immediately afterward, we'd grab some food and head to the movies. Deal? Deal.

In Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2, the characters have the opposite dilemma. Instead of worrying about the food they eat, these unlucky souls are worried about food eating them. Maybe it was the McDonald's prior to showtime (a chicken McNugget Happy Meal is dairy free...just sayin'), but this one definitely wasn't as tasty as its predecessor.

We liked the first Cloudy With A Chace of Meatballs. A lot, actually. Honestly, I suggest we fire up the original more than my son ever does (I will do anything to avoid the Cars films, anything). The initial tale of Flint Lockwood and his FLDSMDFR has just the right mix of laughs and heart. The second one isn't bad, it's just not as surprisingly fun and warm as the original. Outside of catching it in 3D (which is likely pretty sweet), my vote is rental, at best.

Anyway, after the events of the first one, where Flint Lockwood (voiced by the brilliant Bill Hader) made it rain food, the town of Swallow Falls has been evacuated. The displaced citizens want to go home, but otherwise, no one seems to care about their old town. Well, no one except food mogul and master scientist Chester V. (Will Forte, doing that great delirious old man voice that he does so well). His intentions are a little more nefarious.
But that plot is not going to interest kids, so things get ridiculous. Well, extra ridiculous. See, Chester has Flint and his friends return to Swallow Falls to search for the original invention. In one of the countless nods to Jurassic Park, it appears nature has found a way. Instead of it simply/magically raining food, the FLDSMDFR is helping produce deliciously clever food-beast hybrids. It doesn't make sense, but these creatures are so damn cute and/or clever, it really doesn't matter. What does matter, is after an hour or so, I had completely lost interest. Worse? So had my son.

Speaking of inattentive preschoolers, here are the Yays and Boos for Cloudy 2. Just like my son, they have pretty bad allergies, too. Instead of milk and eggs, though, these two are deathly allergic to logic and purpose. And tree nuts.

I thought I would hate Berry. Turns out? That's impossible.

Yaaaaaaaaay!

• It kind of goes without saying, even though I already have, Bill Hader's voice work is great. James Caan, as his dad, is stellar too. I loved the bit when he took the pickles fishing.
• I have to cheer for any movie that features opening credits saying another film by a lot of people. 
• Next time I'm in California, I'll make sure to visit San Fran Jose. 
• There were some pretty cool inventions. Flint's party-in-a-box thing was awesome, but the car that runs on cute is even better.
• The Chinese proverb gag might have made me smile once or twice. But my favorite line? Where'd he get the brown crayon?
• All the Jurassic Park gags were definitely welcome. The monster approaching in the rear-view mirror has been done, but the belly jiggle (instead of a glass of water) was a nice tip of the cap.
• Okay, Mr. T didn't come back to do the voice, but you can't be mad with Terry Crews filling in. His character, the cop in the short-shorts Earl, is hysterical. I actually laughed out loud, as did my son, when it's revealed that his tears actually put hair on your chest. 
• Man, does my son love Steve. Seeing his unflinching adoration of a simple-minded talking monkey? Well, no DNA test will ever be needed. That boy is my son.
• And finally, as nice as the message turns out to be, the best part of the flick are the food animal combinations. We get watermelephants, shrimpanzees, and even susheeps, just to name a few. But the tacodile supreme was probably the coolest/most delicious.

The only thing worse than this picture is the fact that I took it.

Booooo!

• So, there were only two other people in the whole theater, a weird mid-twenties couple. Our presence probably denied that guy a ZJ. Sorry, bro. What's a ZJ? If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
• Barb. She's is 900% terrifying. For real. If they sell one toy of that abomination, I will find it. And I will kill it.
• Oh, and while were at it, Barb is voiced by Kristen Schaal. I lover her, but she is becoming completely ubiquitous in animated work. That said, her redemption was clutch.
• I'm not sure if this is possible, but I swear every role is a supporting role. Really. Every arc seems superfluous. Which likely means this entire movie is, doesn't it?
• And finally, the pace. Maybe we were both just tired, but this film seemed significantly longer than its 95 minutes. New rule: Unnecessary sequels, even if they mean well? Let's cap 'em at 80. Maybe even 75. 

Guess what? This post was actually an allergy test, too. Yep. Even without drawing a drop of blood, by making it this far down the page, I can say with complete certainty, you are not allergic to the insane ramblings of a moron. 

Hopefully my son isn't either.