But she couldn't stop babbling about her life.

We all have problems. If you're sitting there thinking, Well, I don't have any problems - that's your problem. You're clueless. That said, it's not about how much shit you're dealing with, or severity they are in the grand scheme of things (because, who's to say?), it's all about how you let them affect you and how you decide to handle them. Don't think, by any means, I'm one of those guys who takes charge and immediately addresses anything weighing me down - far from it (I'm a fan of duck and cover). The only advantage I have? I'm one of the guys. Meaning? I'm not a woman. At least I have that going for me.

As someone who has a wife, a daughter, a sister and of course, a mother, please don't read that as sexist. I've been just been around enough women to know that the same qualities that make them interesting, caring, nurturing and compassionate are also the same things that can make their world fall in on itself. Case in point? Jasmine.

From iconic writer/director Woody Allen, Blue Jasmine painfully tells the story of a woman in the midst (or wake) of a nervous breakdown. Hauntingly brought to life by the luminous Cate Balchett (in an Oscar-winning role), Jasmine is a woman who after seemingly had everything, has completely bottomed out. Or, it would appear that way, until she routinely digs herself an even deeper hole.

Having been forced out of her picturesque upscale life in NYC, Jasmine has turned to the only person on the planet capable of tolerating her, her likable younger sister Ginger (played by the lovely Sally Hawkins). Despite living in the shadow of Jasmine (and her better genes), Ginger does her best to keep her drowning sister afloat. You would think she should really appreciate this. You would think.

Is it okay to loathe someone who, due to a variety of quirks, deficiencies, and mental problems, has become borderline insufferable? I hope it is. Because the more time I spent with Jasmine, my pity and sympathy turned to indifference and rage. Maybe she can't help being a joyless bitch, but I had a hard time cutting her slack. Yes, that seems heartless and cruel, but she was so ungrateful, so petty it made me care less and less about her as the film went on (I probably should have been doing the opposite). But her worst offense? The way she speaks to people. Her constant but casual venom undercut her failing mental stability. I felt bad, sure, but not really. 

Hopefully, my room in Hell has a DVD player.

Even if I if I didn't like Jasmine, um, at all, this was yet another compelling and entertaining film from the prolific Woody Allen. As easy and breezy and enjoyable as Midnight in Paris [review] was, Blue Jasmine was the direct opposite. Sure it's a tough watch and a bit if a grind, but that doesn't mean it's not good.

Legitimately not good, are the Yays and Boos. Like Jasmine, these two are impossible to be around. No, it's true. I mean...they don't exist.

Yaaaaaaaaay!

• Guys, Max Casella is in this. Max Casella! I was so excited I wanted to do Mrs. H.
• Speaking of fantastic throwbacks, can we all put our f--king hands together for Andrew Dice Clay? Bravo, good sir. Bra-f--king-vo.
• Now entering the random faceless character Hall of Fame? Dennis Rakabuto. If only I needed a fake ID right now.
• Let me be serious(ish) for a second, but I can't even think of a time when New York City has looked so beautiful. I thought Paris glowed last time, but my goodness, the Big Apple looks like it was created with a water brush.
• Then blind date/setup with Eddie and Chili was pretty funny. Of all people to pull something like that on, I'm fairly certain Jasmine (er, Jeanette) isn't one of them.
• I really enjoyed how we got to take turns seeing the high-life of her past with the shitstorm of her present. Even better? That each reality was the opposite in Jasmine's mind. Very cool.
• Sally Hawkins. She was so sweet in this film. I gotta track some more stuff down, asrap. I mean, asap.
• Augie bumping into Jasmine and Dwight at the jewelry store. Other than the fact that it is indeed the smallest of worlds, that scene was hilariously awful. I shudder just thinking about it.
• And finally, Ms. Blanchett. It truly is a credit to her skills and beauty that this movie is even watchable. She manages to humanize a real mess of a person. An excellent person. And yes, I want to watch movies where women are the main characters. I do. The world is round. Indeed.

Boooooooooooo!

• Redbox only carries this on DVD? What the shit, guys? A brother can't see the steady decline of an upper class woman in HD? 
• Raylene. You home wrecker. See also: every other woman Hal knew.
• Speaking of Hal, I'm not going to Boo Alec Baldwin, no. I'm just going to Boo the fact that he gets to play a phony rich asshole to perfection. Again.
• While we're discussing awful men, let me give a big f--k off to Dentist Guy. Jeez. I don't give a shit if you are wearing more colorful neckties, bro, how about we do more root canals, and less date raping? Just an idea, doc.
• How long can Jasmine go without popping a pill? Two minutes? Maybe three?
• Why are kids in movies either overly annoying or impossibly cute? Ginger's kids are one of these, and it ain't cute.
• I hate when you know people aren't listening, but for whatever reason, you just keep talking. Jasmine is pretty much the master of this infuriating art.
• Al. I wanted to love you. I really, really did. 
• Edison's medicine. Not cool.
• And finally, is it me, or does this film suggest that we're all awful people. I mean, there may not be a truly redeeming character in this film. As I've said, we've all got problems, sure. But I believe some of are still good despite that. Well, at least I am. And you. I mean, you're the best.

Okay, kids. I gotta go. After watching the celebrated story of an irrational women for 98 minutes, I think I need to do something totally unrelated. In fact, today is my wife's birthday.

That's unrelated. Promise.

(I'm kidding, honey. Happy 35th!)