Tip of the spear. Edge of the knife.

Goose probably wouldn't have died.
Jerry might not have wrote that memo, er, mission statement.
Vincent waits for the next cab.
Oh, that giant orgy? Might want to skip that altogether. Or show up much, much earlier.

It's hard to say what would or wouldn't have happened in some of Tom Cruise's biggest movies, had his character been given an infinite number of chances to perfect the day, like he does in his latest, Edge of Tomorrow. Yes, it's true, it is a lot like the Bill Murray classic Groundhog Day, but with more aliens and less Ned Ryerson. More Emily Blunt, less Lady with Mrs. Duggar's haircut. But, just like Groundhog Day, Edge is really, really good, too.

In the near future, Earth has been invaded by an alien race who, unsurprisingly, aren't the hugest fans of humanity. This war has been ongoing, and we pick things up with Cage (Cruise), the handsome mouthpiece for American involvement, having one final meeting with the top military brass. It's in that meeting that Cage is asked to do some promotional work from the front, and he vehemently refuses. He doesn't want to spend a minute in the shit. Obviously, this doesn't go over too well, and Cage wakes up to find himself not only headed to the front, but he's been sent there as a deserter, stripped of all rank and credibility. And since it's the eve of the biggest military offensive in the history of the world, nobody gives a f--k about his sob story. After just about zero training, he's strapped into a mech suit and dropped into battle. Within a minute, he's dead. Roll the credits.

Oh, wait. My bad. He'a alive again and back at camp.Let's try this agai- nope. Totally dead. Again. And Again. And....again. Turns out, Cage and our best soldier, the Full Metal Bitch (a shockingly badass Emily Blunt) will have dozens of chances to get the day right and win the war and save the planet. And trust me, they're going to need all of them, 'cause these aliens are some badass motherf--kers.

This is actually a picture of the side of my house.

When early word came in that this Doug Liman-directed movie was good, honestly I was surprised. Now, I've always loved (and defended) Cruise, and have been on-board with Liman since Swingers, but something didn't sit well with the proposed combination of the two. Maybe it was the lame title, maybe Cruise's seemingly relentless pursuit of Head Sci Fi Guy, or maybe I just had sand in my vagina, but for whatever reason, I simply wasn't expecting much. Turns out, I'm a f--king moron.

Edge of Tomorrow is pretty much badass, and my brother and I had a lot of fun with it. Sure, it's essentially Groundhog Day with mech suits, giant swords and reggae monsters, but it's also Groundhog Day with mech suits, giant swords and reggae monsters! I mean, what the f--k else could you want? The plot device of lather, rinse, repeat. Always repeat... even if derivative, is so brilliant and perfectly executed. There was almost a point where I didn't want them to get it right, just so I could spend the rest of my life watching an endless amount of hilarious death scenes (or at the very least, seeing that pantsless guy having the transport crush him a few more times). But alas, eventually it had to end somehow (um, which seems to be the exact approach the writers took, methinks).

Anyway, go see this movie. It's not Marvel Movie 100, or a remake of an old monster movie (Now, with less Monster!). It's just some kickass summer entertainment with one of the biggest movie stars currently walking the planet. You'll like it, I'm sure. And if not, well, I'll reimburse you the exact amount you paid for my opinion. In fact, I'll double it.

What I won't double, are the Yays and Boos. I think what's provided is more than enough. Like...waaay more than enough.

Pvt. Hudson has really risen through the ranks.

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

• Bill Paxton. First, I didn't even know he was in this, so it's pretty much pure bonus out of the gate. But, then he plays an ignorant dick? Double bonus!
• The first time you see (and hear) all the shit that Cage takes, it's pretty funny. But the tenth time? It's f--king awesome. There's something wrong with your suit!
• Jinx, bitch.
• The mech suits. So Father's Day is coming up, and...if you haven't already got me something....
• Holy shit, the opening battle is chaotic. Fingers crossed there's a deleted scene where Cage lasts two hundred times longer.
• Emily Blunt. When did the Hell did she become a bad ass motherf--ker? She's hardcore when you're waiting to talk to her, let alone watching her cut aliens the f--k up.
• Training. I'm not sure how that arena works, but damn, that place is awesome.
• The Alpha. Can something really exists solely by exhaling hatred at all times?
• The big helicopter crash/slide battle was pure insanity. Cage is kind of a one-man wrecking crew, but still This shit is inspired.
• And finally, the deaths. Both of my favorite involve being run over, but I also really enjoyed how quick Blunt was on the trigger to start the whole thing over again.

I'm going to wear this to the gym tomorrow.

Booo!

• I love Brendan Gleeson, I do. But not here. He's a real dick.
• The title. It makes sense, sure, but All You Need is Kill is infinitely better.
• And finally, the ending. First, there's no f--king way in Hell that Michael Phelps in a submarine, let alone Cage after what he just went through, outswims that f--king monster. No way. But worse? The result. There's no way that it should end on that particular day, either. It doesn't make any sense. Does it?

This whole concept of repeating things till they're perfect fascinates me, not only when used in films, but in just about everything. I've heard if you go to this one website, and read this one post over and over, it ends up being the best thing ever written. Seriously. Try it.