Thank you for bringing it to me.

There's this guy that's been hanging around L.A. for awhile - doing his thing, for sure, but not really getting recognized for it. He's a hard worker, and certainly committed to his work, but between you and me, I'm not sure you can really trust him. As much as admire him - he scares me. I mean, he's willing to do just about anything to make a living.

F--king anything, really. 
Usually with a camera rolling nearby.

As much as I'm talking about Louis Bloom, the protagonist in Nightcrawler, I might as well be talking about the masterful actor bringing him to life, Jake Gyllenhaal. Because as intense and entertainingly brilliant as this film is, every single ounce of that comes from Gyllenhaal's mere presence. I'm telling you, this performance is magic. F--king black magic at that, as this one will haunt you.

Nightcrawler is set in Los Angeles, but coming from a guy who has never lived there, it might as well be Los Angeles. Set primarily at night, Dan Gilroy's film tells the sordid tale of a mysterious loner simply trying to make it. He's come to the city with dreams, possibly even big ones, but when we meet Louis, he's selling chain link fence and stolen manhole covers. Katy Perry and her whipped-cream titties this a'int.

Louis is really weird, though strange (as f--k) may be the better word. But somehow, he's oddly honorable, too. He needs a job and presents himself as someone who can work hard and learn quickly. And even though he's impossibly awkward and all kinds of creepy...we believe him. Hell...we might even like him.

After a chance encounter at the scene of a fiery car crash with cameraman/entrepreneur Joe Loder (a typically sleazy Bill Paxton), Louis finds his true calling. Within hours, a promising career path unfolds in front of him, and Louis rushes headlong down it. Almost immediately, he begins nightcrawling, that is, scouring L.A. for the nastiest human tragedies possible, filming them, and then selling the grisly footage to local news stations. If it bleeds, it leads is the motto, and in the City of Angels, the streets run red with car accidents, shootings, and one Hell of a home invasion.

Despite the onslaught of low-level atrocitites, everything is relatively manageable until Louis crosses one major line. He starts small where you might whisper to the person next to you this isn't good, but it won't be long till you might be saying aloud to the entire theater what the f--k is he doing?! Oh, right. You'd never do that. If only I could say the same for the lady behind me...

Speaking of things I'm sure everyone in the world hates, here are the Yays and Boos. I lost the rough draft of this for the better part of a week, so these two might be worthless this time. Well, okay. Extra worthless.

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

• I know I've already touched on it, but Louis Bloom is a f--king character. Truly. This guy is so full of shit, so completely f--king insane, it's amazing.
• We might have a Guinness World Record for unbearably awkward scenes in a film. Which one, you ask? Um, the one with Rene Russo in it.
• Speaking of, totally glad to see her again. It's been some time, no?
• I love how Louis, unlike probably every person in L.A., doesn't want air-time. Nope. He wants to own the station.
• Paxton is great here. Bonus points for dropping a 'bra' at one point. Way cooler than bro.
• That was pretty much the sweetest car upgrade I've ever seen. Well, that didn't have Xzibit leaning over it.
• Oh, and while we're talking about cars, I'm pretty sure that chase scene at the end took at least three to five years off my life expectancy. 
• Where did you get the balls to even suggest something like this?
• Dude, Louis' intern, Rick (Riz Ahmed) was a surprising voice of reason. Ahmed delivered an excellent performance, too, nailing the I'm scared as f--k but I'm going to act like I'm not routine in every single frame. Well done, man.
• That thing that he does at the end. The restaurant. Rick. All of it. Whoa.
• And finally, Gyllenhaal. Again. If he ever turns out a character that's as nuts as Louis Bloom, I don't want to know about it. Seriously. It will kill me.

Boooooooo!

• Stealing bikes isn't cool, man. The eight year-old version of m.brown can only hope that someone bought a camera when they pawned his Schwinn. That bastard.
• Worst job interview ever.
• Followed by worst pay ever.
• This is ultimately a Yay, but c'mon...how completely terrifying is Gyllenhaal's face? Specifically...his mouth. Yeesh. It's so awful. 
• Going into their house? What the f--k is that? If only he stopped there...
• At least bad people don't prevail. Ooh, about that....
• Photojournalism, like any other profession maybe, is cutthroat. But, damn. Just...damn.
• And finally, just level with me, okay? This shit isn't true, right? As a society....we're better than this, right? Right?

Look, I can't recommend this movie enough. As uncomfortable as it made me, it was a Hell of a ride. I think I went minutes without breathing, as sometimes the tension was altogether suffocating. While the script and direction are tight, I left the theater thinking that Jake Gyllenhaal has been (somewhat) quietly crafting a resume that is second to none. I know we've got Leo, McConaughey and some other guys who are the best out there, but for my money Gyllenhaal is approaching the top of the mountain. I didn't think things could get more weirdly intense than Enemy [review], but even without giant spiders, Nightcrawler creeped me out. It's alluring, and kind of magical...but also terrifying and depressing.

Kind of like L.A., honestly.

At least at night.