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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Against the Crowd '17: Blogathon



Dell and KG are at it again, so my advice is we check it to wreck it. Let's begin.

In terms of blogathons, these two dudes drop probably the biggest event that I know of (or, uh, am loosely invited to), and it can be summed up in three lovely words: f--k you, everyone! Wait, what?

Here are the rules:

1) Pick a film that everybody thinks is a wonderful achievement in the arts, and let them in on the little secret that it's no better than a massive turd, rolled up in wet newspaper and microwaved on high.

2) Pick a film that everybody thinks is a raging dumpster fire, and let them know that if they ever say anything else bad about said movie again, the only thing burning out of control will be their toothlesswithered corpse.

3) Make sure, after reading your entry, no one ever talks to you again.

Welp, here goes...everything. 



When I initially reviewed The Help in 2013 [post], I only kind of hated the way that it made the shitty history of this country adorable. But the more I think about it, the more I can't believe this is generally considered a good film, and one could only assume, something a film critic (or audience member) would recommend. Yes, the cast is really good, but if the plane is crashing into the side of the mountain, does it matter how fast the flight attendant got you an extra blanket? No, no it does not.

I get it, not every movie can be Do the Right Thing or American History X, but The Help makes Remember the Titans look like f--king Django Unchained. And potentially an even a bigger strike against it? It doesn't even have the decency to gloss over racism in a timely fashion. This sumbitch is almost three hours long. Three hours?!? 

Hell. I could probably bake (and eat) a shitty pie in half that time.


I love a good story. If someone is going to tell me a weird tale full of weird characters, I'm so f--king in and appreciative, it might border on pathetic. Clearly, the allegedly pointless anecdote...is kind of my thing.

I wrote (like, on paper...in a journal) a review for Lady on the Water a decade ago (moments after I saw it theatrically), and I still stand by my love for its unrelenting quirkiness. And, let's be honest with ourselves, any movie with Paul Giamatti is at the very least, undeniably brilliant. I know this is the film that was the beginning of the end for M. Night, but in the context of a fairy tale he told his daughters, I think it's so vastly underrated, it makes me want to throw up...on the people that hate it. Scrunts, narfs, guys who only work out on one side of their bodies? I found it all silly, but endearing and original, you know? I'll take that any day of the week.

Oh, but what really chaps my ass? The fact that every single review not only bashes M. Night for casting himself as a visionary writer in the film (how dare the writer of the film cast himself as a writer...of the film) but also for framing the film critic character as a one-note douche who basically hates everything (and subsequently dies a gruesome death). Sounds like sour grapes to me. And worse, after all his early success as a writer/director, it's pretty obvious that people were rooting for him to fail, which is a quality in people that makes me want to live alone under a bridge.

Or, in an apartment complex full of a bunch of eccentric weirdos.

22 comments:

  1. Yay!!! Had a blast reading this. Par for the course when I come here, so no surprise. I did like The Help, but I seem to like it less and less as time passes. Pretty sure I'll be completely on your side of it before long. I skipped out on Lady in the Water thanks to all the negative press. I keep telling myself I'm going to watch it. This might actually make me do it. Thanks for being a part of our little shindig once more.

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    1. Hell yeah, Dell. This is my fourth time going against the crowd, and I'm ready to do it again next year. Assuming I haven't been eviscerated by nuclear weapons, while holding onto a chainlink fence.

      As for these two films? I honestly struggled to find something highly rated that hate, but I really didn't like The Help. But Lady in the Water is the right kind of goofy, and I think bitches were just piling on.

      That, or the movie is actually stupid. Which I dig anyway.

      Thanks for hosting! Now I gotta go read some of these other entries...tomorrow. (and what the Hell are you doing up?)

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  2. Oh my God Lady in the Water was so tiring for me. I love Bryce and fairytales and I usually defend M. Night films but this and killer trees were just too much for me. I did like The Help but its really fluffy and light indeed.

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    1. I knew you were gonna hate Lady in the Water, but secretly I was hoping you were on my team. Oh well. At least we both love Baby Driver. Cause it would be really awkward if you didn't. Or if you wrote a post saying how much you loathe it. Hmmm. Welp, on to the corner I go.

      (The Help is silly, by the way. If it came out now it would be eviscerated by its absurd tone)

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  3. I have not seen Lady in the Water so I can't agree nor disagree with your choice to defend it but I can totally understand the hate for Help. The Help? Whatever it was.

    I saw it ages ago and while I do remember it, the good, the bad, and the shitty stuff in it, I sort of agree that it's not that great. But I was and still am a huge Emma Stone fan so I don't dislike the film by any means.


    4th year participating? Me too! Well.. see you next year, I guess. :D

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    1. I'd tell you to see it, but then you'd probably have even less respect for me. I am on an island when it comes to that movie. But I'm cool with that.

      The Help, for me, is offensive in how inoffensive it is. I thought the whole thing was handled with a hearty laugh when it could (should?) have been a punch to the stomach.

      Oh, and I love Emma Stone. I have ever since Superbad.

      Let's go for 5!

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  4. I haven't seen Lady in the Water but I've seen The Help, probably too many times, and I love it. Sure, it's not American History X (my favourite movie by the way), but I really liked it. And it's better than Remember the Titans in my opinion.

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    1. Wow! More than once? That's commendable simply for the fact that how LONG The Help is (it's epic!). My wife liked it, and most people I've talked to enjoyed the it as well. I guess it was a good pick, right?

      And American History X is your favorite movie? Damn! I was floored by that film when I saw it....but I don't think I ever re-watched it. There's a few scenes if I remember correctly (and I know I do), that I NEVER want to see again. My goodness.

      Everything is better than Remember the Titans.

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    2. I agree that there are some scenes that are really difficult to sit through, but it is one of the most powerful films I've ever seen. It is the one film that truly changed me. I won't say much as I'm working on a post about it (not sure if I'll ever finish it though), I'll just say that I grew up in a pretty racist society and I did share some of old Derek's beliefs before watching the movie.

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    3. I agree with the immense power of the film. Truly. It's kind of the reason I haven't seen it in so many years, you know?

      If you ever finish that post Sonia, please let me know. I'd love to read it.

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  5. Man, fuck The Lady in the Water lol

    I'm with you on The Help though. I really liked that movie when it first came out, I think it even made my Top 10 list, but man do I have issues with it now. I don't know why I didn't notice it at first. Maybe because a person came out of my body two weeks before I saw it. I don't know. lol

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    1. Hahahaha...first Shrek, and now magical fairy BDH? Say it ain't so!

      Yes! Somebody is with me on The Help. I'm pretty sure you could get away with homicide two weeks before giving birth, so any feelings toward a sappy flick are totally forgiven.

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  6. I have seen the first half of The Help but never got around to finishing it. Not sure if I really want to. I am kind of interested about Lady in the Water even though it got a low rating. The story intrigued me, although I'm not sure if I am going to like it.

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    1. The Help is so long, I don't blame anyone for not finishing it.

      Look, Lady in the Water is universally hated, but maybe with lowered expectations (and a decade of time passed), you might actually like it. It might be silly, but I'd say it's definitely not....boring? (though I may be alone on that one)

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  7. You know I haven't revisted The Help since 2013. I remember liking it but not really thinking it was much in terms of a social conscious piece. The acting was great but not much more than that. I actually don't ever feel like I'll need to see it again hey.

    I've largely tried to stay away from M. Night Shyamalan but his recent work has hit that swagger he had back in his early days so I might be persuaded to give Lady in the Water a look. I'm assuming there's a fantastic twist.

    Thanks for adding to the fun and you're not loosely invited, you're on the A-list!

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    1. With that cast, it's safe to say that the performances were good (though I thought BDH's character was the worst), but it's the way the racial themes were handled that really soured me on the flick. I'm probably way overreacting....but it just rubbed me the wrong way, you know? I'm supposed to find this cute? No.

      I'm a sucker for Lady in the Water, as it all kinds of unravels/comes together in a way that made me so happy. I don't think the twist is as monumental as his other films...but it's still pretty cool. Uh...for me.

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  8. Wow a Bryce Dallas Howard double-header! First of all loved the analogy about the stewardess, the blanket and the side of the mountain. I liked but didn't love The Help but never felt any desire to watch it again after that first time. It was more the cast that I liked than the story.

    I've only seen bits and pieces of Lady in the Water. The bad reviews kept me away in the theatres and then whenever I stumble across it the story seems to be at a point too far in to try and catch up. Someday I'll probably catch the film though.

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    1. Ha! That was totally inadvertent, but a strange coincidence nonetheless. I think these two films represent half of the movies I've seen her in, with Spider-Man and Jurassic World being the other two. Hmm...maybe I'm missing something.

      Totally agree on your assessment of The Help.

      Yeah, Joel, if you're gonna catch it...do it from the beginning for sure! (and let me know when you do)

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    2. You only saw 4 with her?

      Please dont tell me u just publicly defended Lady in the Water while u havent even seen The Village

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    3. Wait. You got me. I have seen The Village. I just recall it being M. Night's weakest film (at the time).

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  9. I see where you are coming from with The Help. I think I had similar resivations with its approch to racism.

    M. Night gets a lot of stick (some of it deserved) but I haven't seen Lady in the Water and you're right Paul Giamatti makes anythig great.

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    1. Thank you. 'Reservations' is a nice way of putting it.

      Yes! Paul Giamatti is the best! If you like him, I think you'll at least NOT HATE this film. But, you know, I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time.

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