The most worthwhile path, my young friends, is seldom the easiest.

In Mrs. Well's room, it was Cars. The first one (!).
In Mrs. Montgomery's, it was Bill Nye videos.
In Mrs. Bleacher's room...well, they were still doing math (which is hysterical).
As long as summer vacation have been imminent, every teacher approaches those final glorious (/dreadful) days a bit differently. Some keep going till the end, others, like me, simply show a movie.

In Mr. Brown's room, the criteria for the movie is simple, though typically effective: show them something they haven't seen...and make sure it was released within the last sixth months ('old movies' will be met with equal parts scorn and confusion).

Even though they wanted to watch Endgame (these pirates have no respect for a film currently in theaters), I opted for screening The Kid Who Would Be King, which was, at the time, newly released on home video. I knew the whole knights and wizards angle was going to be a hard-sell for these kids, but so was actually basic human decency, so why not roll the dice? And being that only one of my 90+ students had actually seen the film (and I think all he had seen was the trailer), I was two-for-two with the aforementioned rules.

Good news, right? Well, yeah. But here's the rub: For each of my four classes, it would take three days to complete the latest film from director Joe Cornish (Attack the Block [review]). And while I'm just a social studies teacher, safe to say four times three equals an infinite amount of minutes with Gollum's son. Good thing young Louis Ashbourne Serkis is a pretty likable chap.

Young Serkis plays Alex (Like Alexander the Great, Mr. Brown? [no.]), a quiet product of a single-mum more than content to hang out and do magic with his buddy, Bedders. Shocking no one, the two goofballs (though mainly the amiable Bedders) often find themselves in the cross-hairs of the school bullies, Lance and Kaye. Alex, not long after we meet him, gets in a wee bit of trouble for fighting back. Proving once again, school administrators are the worst.

One night, these two gigantic a-holes chase Alex to a construction site, where he inadvertently unearths Excalibur and politely beheads them both. Oh, no...he politely befriends them both - that's it, after being told by Merlin that it's in his best interest to do so. See, Merlin shows up (in his school-boy DLC skin) to guide Alex in his new quest, as Excalibur's discovery has awakened Morgana and her army of fire demons. Apparently this chick isn't a fan of being locked away underground, and is using the upcoming solar eclipse to unleash Hell...and you know, enslave the masses and rule the world. If only there was a team of semi-reluctant middle-schoolers that could set aside their differences to stop her and save the planet. If only.

Twas quite the deluge when the Harry Potter reboot casting was announced...

Speaking of stories with obvious endings, here are the Yays and Boos. The end of The Kid Who Would Be King coincided with the end of the school year, so safe to say, at the time, it was my favorite movie ever.

He may not look it, but trust me, this dude is the best.

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

• The flick opens with a pretty dope cartoon explaining the legend of Morgana and Arthur (not that I could hear any of it...but it looked informative).
• Bedders is played by a chap named Dean Chaumoo, who's operating at peak nervous bestie for sure.
• Okay, maybe you cool kids know who the Hell Angus Imrie is from something else, but here, as Merlin, he's beyond brilliant. I mean, how can you not support a dude who is all about loose fitting garments that allow air to circulate around ones crevices and furrows. Oh, right - you can't.
• You wouldn't think fried chicken is all that crucial for a youthful appearance, but when said chicken contains all three key ingredients Merlin needs (including beaver urine!), welp, you'd be wrong.
• As cool as young Merlin is, uh, old Merlin is played by none other than Sir Patrick Stewart, who I assume is actually made of magic.
• The initial kids vs. fire horses is so cool. So is the lady that appears at the end of it (she looks like a gnome!).
• Even as a crusty old man, occasionally, I manage to experience something akin to childhood joy. Here, it was the moment when Bedders makes all the coins multiply, because pushing 40 or not, that shit was amaaaazing.
• Dude, even if I saw it four times (and saw it coming each time [uh, obviously?]), Alex's okie-doke on Morgana, still shocked me by how cool it was. Slick move, kid.
• Eventually the entire school is enlisted in the battle, and even though it's beyond corny, I kind of dug the idea of everyone coming together, even if it was basically in the name of not doing any work. 
• And finally, can I be proud that something in my class started a momentary middle-school trend? Probably not, but I'm going to be anyway. See, Merlin, in all his...uh...magicalness, often breaks into these ridiculous snapping and clapping routines. They are beyond goofy, but to see a roomful of kids utterly transfixed and trying it themselves...like actual children (instead of wannabe teenagers), guys...it kind of warmed (what's left of) my heart.

Anybody else having Trash Witch flashbacks?
*puts gun in mouth*

Boooooooooo!

• I'm not sure if Alex's dad is dead, gone or both, but I am sure I'm sick of this being a thing in every kid's movie ever.
• While were discussing tired trends, how about the one where the kid tells the parent every crazy thing that's happening and the parent basically goes Oh, that's fine...?
• That tree-fight practice scene was kind of lame, right? I mean, what the Hell is this? I'm not sure the blistering place of tree roots is really gonna prepare anybody for fire demons riding fire horses, but maybe that's just me?
• Lance is a real jerk-face, you know? Bad enough this kid looks like Draco Malfoy's back-up stunt double, but his constant selfishness is infinitely worse. Like, who breaks a sword? Really?
• Yo, fire demons are cool, like, very cool, but the whole Lemmings-style death scene was anything but.
• The thing in the book? Not cool, Mom. Not. Cool.
• I've never been across the pond, but when it comes to armor shops, but when it comes to their existence, frankly I'm gonna be pissed either way.
• Morgana, even played by the lovely Rebecca Ferguson, pretty much comes off as the worst Mortal Kombat DLC character ever. Though of she lived under my house, that wouldn't be the worst thing....(Mom, Dad's laying face down with his pants off in the backyard again!)
• Even though I didn't want it to end (technically), that fake ending was a bit of a jerk move, you know?
• And finally, this movie absolutely crashed and burned at the box office. I think I read somewhere of a fifty-million dollar loss or something? Anyway, it's not my money (and I didn't even see it in theaters...oops), but the idea that a kid's flick...sort of reminiscent of something like The Goonies, is essentially a gamble at best is a gentle kick in the crotch. (don't think I feel too bad, considering these punks also get to grow up with Netflix and the MCU...dammit)

Not that I'm all too interested in counting, but I'll be headed back to school in something like thirty-three days (with kids showing up a week after that). I can't say I'm too excited about returning to the classroom, but at the very least, I've got a different group of students waiting for me when I do.

Maybe they'll be so cool, we can end the year doing a community service project or something, maybe get involved in the community and make a difference. Maybe they'll actually listen and ask questions, too. Maybe they'll even learn something about ancient cultures along the way. Or maybe...


...maybe we'll just watch Endgame instead.