Well that shit got dark fast.

A lot of us are haunted by our past, and unfortunately, there are some demons that can't be outrun.

I've been a teacher for almost fifteen years and I see kids drowning in trauma they simply aren't equipped (or ready) to deal with. Hell, after the recent loss of my grandmother, I've been dealing with some shit I don't think I'll ever truly get over.

But what's really f--king me up lately? I haven't been watching any movies. None. And the reason why...well, you're reading it. I've been so deep in the f--king hole (not the f--king hole, mind you) I don't know what to do anymore.

Like, this movie? The one I'm finally ready to discuss?

I saw it back in my f--king thirties.

What's left of my memory of It: Chapter Two currently floats around in my head like a bad dream/dead kid in the sewer, so at this point the best I could give you are the highlights. After almost thirty years...away?...Pennywise is back again in Derry, being an even bigger dick than before. While he's always taken pleasure in terrorizing the town's most vulnerable (and typically youngest) residents, when we meet this latest version, he's feasting on someone a bit older for a change. I guess even murderous clowns can't eat off the children's menu forever.

Mike, possibly the last black man in Maine, is the only member of The Losers Club still holding it down in New England, and upon sniffing out Pennywise's return, rallies the troops Thundercats-style.
Shocking absolutely no one, there's not a grown-up Loser stoked to head home, but even if it's impossibly reluctant, most of them make the trip.

Quickly we see that while they've all moved away, none of them have really moved on. Just the phone call from Mike is enough to obviously f--k them sideways. Also readily apparent, is how f--king stellar the casting is. Ten years from now, an undead James Dean will probably play all characters in all movies, so this um, practical effect of careful casting qualifies as straight movie magic. 

(Especially when someone in that cast is as sexy as Jessica Chastain)

The finer details are at this point (and on this site) totally irrelevant, but you should know that Bill Hader, like Finn Wolfhard in the first installment, absolutely steals the f--king show. Young Richie was an asshole because, well, all kids are, but Hader's now-grown version is tormented by something far more gut-wrenching than middle school bullshit. His performance is genuinely surprising, even if it shouldn't be (can something be more obvious than Hader's talent? [the answer is no]). Come for the clown, sure, but stay for the comedian.

This Avengers reboot is shaping up pretty nicely. (Falcon, Stark, Banner, Black Widow and Hawkeye)

Also unsurprising, but more for their obvious lack of talent, are the Yays and Boos. Let's properly blow the dust off these f--kers, even if they too are the work of a friendless, sadistic clown that scares small children.

This is how I have to teach punctuation.

Yaaaaaaaaa...

...aaaaaaaay!

• I'm a bit foggy on this, but, uh...was Bill's wife, like...super-hot? Nice.
• Damn, Ben. Looking good, my guy.
• Hey, f--khead, she's had a hand in killing a demon clown when she was a kid. Didja really think she wouldn't lay your ass out, too?
• This reunion dinner scene...at first? So f--king great! At first.
• Hader's Jabba the Hutt isn't even in his top 10, but it's still f--king brilliant.
• Ritchie snapping at that kid? I probably shouldn't be jealous...but here we are.
• Even if her giant demon boobs were swaying this way and that, in truly horrific fashion no less, I still love that old crazy bitch that Beverly visits. I thought she peaked at her naked shuffling, but I was wrong.
• With Stan Lee gone, Stephen King cameos are the best we're gonna get. (is he always a shopkeeper?)
• Man, I wish I could get my old bike back. Okay, fine...it was a piece of shit even then, but still.
• Speaking of cameos, was that Sweet Tooth (from Twisted Metal)? I was more of a Mr. Grimm guy, myself...
• Reasonable as it was, I almost died when Eddie called that kid an asshole. 
• Same with Ritchie's overdue library joke. F--king perfect.
• Let's kill this f--king clown.
• Look, I'm a mess for any pup, but that dog was so adorable.
• Aw, an underwater kiss. 
• Dude, Bev on a boat? Yes, please.
• And finally, can we just take a moment to appreciate Ritchie and Eddie's relationship? I haven't read the book since I was twelve, so I don't know how accurate it was portrayed in the film, but my goodness, did I dig it. Ritchie's pep-talk at the end gutted me, but in a good way, if that makes sense. Aw.

All three of these look like the door to my classroom.

Boooooooo...

...ooooooooo!

• Mike's a ghost, right? Like he's not even really there, but he gave his heart to Ben after a bus accident or something?
• Who is this asshole at the fair? And where's his MAGA hat?
• You need to come home. The f--k I do, Mike. The f--k I do.
• What an idiot. I thought that naked Stan was Chastain for a second. False start on the offense.
• F--king jumpscares, man. It's bad enough when it's Paul Bunyan being an asshole, but a simple balloon? Unacceptable.
• I guess I've opened my last fortune cookie. No, really...Violet always opens them now, dammit.
• No, Vicky, noooooooooooooo!
• What the Hell was with that weird-ass Native American ritual/vision/Tool video thing? Am I in the right theater?
• Wow, do you remember having that we will be still be friends when we're older conversation? I do, too. I just don't remember the people I said of course we will to.
• What the f--k, Beverly's Dad? Isn't there a sewer this guy could stick his f--king face into?
• Eeee, speaking of, it's good to see you, Georgie. *runs*
• Does anybody work at this Inn? Anyone at all? I'm planning on hanging myself later, and I'm going to need way more bedsheets...
• Eddie's mom might just be the scariest part of this movie. *shudder*
• F--king Bowers stabbing people in the face, what a jerk. (but my man just handles it)
• That whole funhouse bit? No thanks.
• Goddamn that bathroom stall made me want to vomit directly into my own face.
• And finally, though I walked out mostly stoked about what went down (and how great the cast was), I can't lie and say that Chapter Two was better than Chapter One. Maybe it was the newness of the first one (pre Pennywise market saturation, perhaps?), or maybe I'm misremembering it, but go ahead and put me down for digging the first one more. I know, Hader rules and Chastain is hot as f--k, I got it. But in a shocking turn of events, I cared about those damn kids. Who knew?

Holy shit. Two posts. Two days. It's almost like I'm a regular blogger again. Maybe you can outrun your past.

Look, I'm forty now. I'd probably end up in the hospital if I try to outrun anything.

But would it be cool if I could just catch up?