That's what people do.

I'm not gonna lie to you: I've thought about killing someone before. 

Usually it's fellow motorists, or even the occasional door-to-door salesman (I think these people get cash bonuses for waking my daughter), but sometimes, I'm simply overcome by the irrational need for vengeance/justice. Maybe I watch too many movies, who knows, but to my credit, generally those movies also keep my ass in line. Typically, the flicks I watch show the ramifications of momentary blood lust: the authorities get involved.

And up until a few nights ago, I would have told you that the police are certainly something I would fear in that situation. But it turns out there's something much worse than someone calling the cops after you've wronged them:

Someone not calling the cops. 

Like Big Bad Wolves [review] before it, I owe my viewing of Blue Ruin to some trusted comrades on Twitter. On probably a dozen occasions, I recall 140 characters dedicated to singing the praises of this intensely atmospheric thriller. And surprising no one, it didn't disappoint.

After an intriguingly slow build-up, this motherf--ker never lets go. In fact, I'm pretty sure I held my breath on more than one occasion. If you have Netflix and you haven't seen this movie, do yourself a favor and get the f--k out of here, asap. (honestly, that's probably good advice even if you're going to watch something else, you know?)

Anyway, without spoiling too much, the premise is simple. A homeless drifter is brought into a police station and told he's being released ('he' begin someone else, not the drifter). And while we're not entirely sure who is being released, we are at least told it's for a double-murder. Who he killed, for the moment, is a mystery.

And that ain't the half of it..

Often revenge flicks exist in a fantastic world, which while thrilling, in hindsight, somewhat detracts from their effectiveness. Oldboy, one of my favorite movies ever, has such an elaborate setup - it's hard to imagine Oh Dae-su actually ensnared in that plot, let alone some schmuck like me. John Wick [review] was a f--king excellent new-school revenge flick, but we're one three-tittied hooker away from that one being set on another planet altogether. Even the aforementioned Big Bad Wolves veers into fantasy with the amount of torture that poor bastard endures. Goodness. Anyway, Blue Ruin, on the other hand, while taking place in Virginia, could take place just about anywhere. It's so grounded in a depressing reality and so crushingly deliberate, it feels shockingly plausible. And it's that brutal authenticity that made me not only stare at the screen, but it's also what made me turn away, too.

Speaking of turning your back on something, here are the Yays and Boos. We actually started this one with the Mrs., but after watching half of it with her eyes welded shut, she just gave in and went to sleep anyway. But when she awoke, to her credit, she needed answers. Badly.

Thank God I called that guy.

Yaaaaaaaaay!

• Has there ever been a more sympathetic (or just pathetic?) character than Macon Blair's Dwight? Holy shit, man. I wanted to violently shake him...then give him a hug.
• Okay, something F--KING AMAZING just happened.. I was about to say how much I loved Devin Ratray's role as Ben in this. Then I was about to say I need to see some more of his work. Then I saw that I have seen him before. In a little flick called Home Alone. Which in itself would be enough to have me willingly project my body through the nearest f--king wall out of glee, but then it took an even more improbable/orgasmic turn. He was f--king BUZZ! BUZZ! Excuse me as I find a paper bag to breathe in to...
• --------
• Okay, I'm back. I loved how little dialogue is in this movie. It's amazing.
• So, all revenge flicks have violence, right? Of course they do. Sometimes it's kind of cathartic, maybe even amusing. Here? It's neither. It's awful. Perfectly awful, if that makes sense.
• My God, that false alarm. That shit almost killed me. In fact, I think that's the point where my wife said f--k this, I'm going to bed/surrendering from the terror.
• He had a pitchfork. At one point, that was on the table.
• There's a bit where Dwight is lying on the floor with a flashlight and I was legitimately worried for his safety. Just kidding, it wasn't his safety I was worried about. It was mine.
• That's what bullets do. F--k.
• And finally, the ending. Just...nope. I've got nothing.

Jesus, man.

Boooooooo!

• While those first minutes were quietly mysterious, I didn't really enjoy the moment when I had to ask myself the following question:  I wonder if a homeless guy has ever taken a bath in my house when I'm not home?
• Nice stretch limo, 1989. Plan on visiting the Nakatomi Plaza later?
• What the f--k, Guy at the Diner? That was the worst time in the history of the world to ask for f--king ketchup. We've got some major shit going down here, bruh.
• Arrow removal. Every phase of it.
• Teddy, you quick-moving asshole. 
• Look, I'm not Captain Planet or anything, but that was really a waste of water, Dwight. I mean, maybe don't turn it on full-blast, you know?
• Damn you, automatic light timers. Scared the shit out of me.
• And finally, for the first time I can remember, we had a hero/villain who was okay with a tie score. But could it end that way? Of course it couldn't. Someone had to win. And by win, clearly I mean f--king lose.

I think it's safe to say that I'm never going to go on a revenge spree like you'd see in the movies. Oh, I'm not saying I won't be wronged in my remaining days, it's just that I'm not really a man of action, you know. I tend to let things go. So when I don't call the cops? Chill the f--k out, man. I've got a family to take care of.

Unless I don't. 'Cause if movies have truly taught me anything, then we're both f--ked.