The children have abandoned me.
The brightly-colored muttering goofballs from Animal Crossing have politely taken Violet. The basketball hoop, the PS4, and unfinished school-work have consumed Matthew. There is no longer any time to sit with Dad and watch a movie. So as a father, I press on. Alone.
What about your wife? She's gone. Long gone, in fact. In the daytime, she's glued to a monitor. At night, she's glued to a pillow. I'd love to watch something with her, but she can't (or won't) stay awake. So I press play. Alone.
Without a wife and kids, what's a man have to live for? Two things, actually.
1. Death.
2. Destruction.
Film: Mandy
Runtime: 121 minutes Rating: R
Audience: Dad, Cheddar Goblin
Status: Delirious
You exude a cosmic darkness.
Well, what in the exact f--k do we have here? Not only do I not remember putting on the old-school 3D glasses, it's a damn shame that both f--king lenses were RED. Fine, that probably didn't really happen, but at this point, I don't know what the f--k did.
Nic Cage stars in what I can only assume is a limited mini-series documenting two days in his actual life. He's trying to go about it quietly, till some Jesus freaks (and obvious future MAGA a-holes) kidnap and horribly execute his wife. In front of him. He (rightfully) snaps, builds a Final Fantasy-style giant axe, does some coke, and absolutely annihilates them. All of them. It's actually pretty goddamned straightforward, but I took some bad acid before pressing play and it looked trippy and borderline incomprehensible as f--k. Oh, that was just a little bit of paper you ripped out of your notebook? Well, it's probably this weed I'm smoking...
Yay: I was going to go with Bill Duke, but in this film, we need revenge, and oh boy do we get it.
Boo: The final showdown! We had peaked way earlier on, right? Final bosses should be tougher.
Homeschool Lesson of the Day: Sometimes, a man's gotta have a drink and a scream before he puts his pants on.
Film: Revenger
Runtime: 101 minutes Rating: R
Audience: Dad
Status: Pumped
Why always me?!?
You know those damn the best movie on Netflix you've never seen lists? Well, Revenger was on one, and that was just a day after seeing some bananas fight clip from it on Twitter. Whether that constitutes divine intervention, serendipity, or quarantine-induced madness, turned out I was in the mood to see some dudes get kicked in the face, and they f--king did.
Seems there's some sort of island for criminals, and every so often an even more murderous f--ker washes ashore. Sometimes, he's killed right away, but other times, he's there on a (moderately) honorable mission. I guess when you kill some cop's loving family directly in front of him (feels like a lot of that going around lately), you shouldn't be too surprised when he walks into your compound and kicks the f--k out of everyone. I sure as Hell wasn't (I mean, it's called Revenger for f--k's sake). The action is top-shelf, the story is weird as Hell, but it's on Netflix and you've got the time.
Yay: The camera never cheats. Especially in the finale, which is beyond (the good kind of) absurd.
Boo: That hunchback legit scared me. Like, I'm pretty sure he knows where I live.
Common Thread (Adult Lesson of the Day): I'm not really good at math, but I ran the numbers: - one wife equals you + your whole crew. Bad guys lie. But numbers don't.
The brightly-colored muttering goofballs from Animal Crossing have politely taken Violet. The basketball hoop, the PS4, and unfinished school-work have consumed Matthew. There is no longer any time to sit with Dad and watch a movie. So as a father, I press on. Alone.
What about your wife? She's gone. Long gone, in fact. In the daytime, she's glued to a monitor. At night, she's glued to a pillow. I'd love to watch something with her, but she can't (or won't) stay awake. So I press play. Alone.
Without a wife and kids, what's a man have to live for? Two things, actually.
1. Death.
2. Destruction.
 |
| Top: the Black Skulls...Mid: The worst dick ever Bot: Cage's Driver License Photo Regrettably not pictured: Nic v. Voldo at the flaming car level |
Runtime: 121 minutes Rating: R
Audience: Dad, Cheddar Goblin
Status: Delirious
You exude a cosmic darkness.
Well, what in the exact f--k do we have here? Not only do I not remember putting on the old-school 3D glasses, it's a damn shame that both f--king lenses were RED. Fine, that probably didn't really happen, but at this point, I don't know what the f--k did.
Nic Cage stars in what I can only assume is a limited mini-series documenting two days in his actual life. He's trying to go about it quietly, till some Jesus freaks (and obvious future MAGA a-holes) kidnap and horribly execute his wife. In front of him. He (rightfully) snaps, builds a Final Fantasy-style giant axe, does some coke, and absolutely annihilates them. All of them. It's actually pretty goddamned straightforward, but I took some bad acid before pressing play and it looked trippy and borderline incomprehensible as f--k. Oh, that was just a little bit of paper you ripped out of your notebook? Well, it's probably this weed I'm smoking...
Yay: I was going to go with Bill Duke, but in this film, we need revenge, and oh boy do we get it.
Boo: The final showdown! We had peaked way earlier on, right? Final bosses should be tougher.
Homeschool Lesson of the Day: Sometimes, a man's gotta have a drink and a scream before he puts his pants on.
 |
| Top: The ol' 'island prison handshake'... Mid: Arrival gear. Bottom: Mom v. 'Handsome Mid-Level Boss' Not pictured: Awesome man-kissing (dumb, but I laughed) |
Runtime: 101 minutes Rating: R
Audience: Dad
Status: Pumped
Why always me?!?
You know those damn the best movie on Netflix you've never seen lists? Well, Revenger was on one, and that was just a day after seeing some bananas fight clip from it on Twitter. Whether that constitutes divine intervention, serendipity, or quarantine-induced madness, turned out I was in the mood to see some dudes get kicked in the face, and they f--king did.
Seems there's some sort of island for criminals, and every so often an even more murderous f--ker washes ashore. Sometimes, he's killed right away, but other times, he's there on a (moderately) honorable mission. I guess when you kill some cop's loving family directly in front of him (feels like a lot of that going around lately), you shouldn't be too surprised when he walks into your compound and kicks the f--k out of everyone. I sure as Hell wasn't (I mean, it's called Revenger for f--k's sake). The action is top-shelf, the story is weird as Hell, but it's on Netflix and you've got the time.
Yay: The camera never cheats. Especially in the finale, which is beyond (the good kind of) absurd.
Boo: That hunchback legit scared me. Like, I'm pretty sure he knows where I live.
Common Thread (Adult Lesson of the Day): I'm not really good at math, but I ran the numbers: - one wife equals you + your whole crew. Bad guys lie. But numbers don't.
Mandy is so weird. I fell asleep watching it (not because it was boring, I was just really tired) and it was during the scene where that guy had his dick out for an extended period of time and I made my husband rewind it so I could see it 🤣
ReplyDeleteMandy is SOOOOOO weird. I powered through the whole thing though it was so f--ked up, I thought I might succumb to the safety of sleep.
DeleteI wish I didn't know what scene you were talking about. But I do. MY GOD, I DO.
You should check out Color Out of Space it may actually be weirded than Mandy
ReplyDeleteUhhhh...
DeleteI wasn't crazy about Mandy but it sure was an experience lol
ReplyDeleteIT SURE WAS. I actually own it digitally, but can't fathom a day where I go back and take another look. *shudder* And I'm pretty sure I've seen enough of that guy's schlong. Pretty sure.
DeleteI didn't understand one thing going on Mandy except that it was wild as hell. Great production design and cool performances, but I have no idea what the story would be if someone paid me to describe it. lol
ReplyDeleteConsidering the amount of films we all see, I guess even unfathomable chaos qualifies as a good time, being it's as memorable as it is. Cage is also so awesome, which I will always be on board for.
Delete