Remakes and sequels. Sequels and remakes. It's easy to complain about them, but damn near possible to ignore them. And it's not because that's all my theater has, dammit! (I have genuine nostalgia for this film-nerd douchery), clearly, as that argument hasn't left its house since mid-March. Not even for toilet paper and Raisin Bran Crunch.
No, the real reason I can't stop watching remakes and sequels, even when I have an infinite amount of original content, is it connects me to the past. Back when things were simpler, happier, and shockingly carefree. Yeah the jokes and effect might not age well, but Hell, neither did I. And if you're telling me I can kind of go back to the good ol' days for an hour or two?
Why wouldn't I?
Film: Charlie's Angels
Runtime: 118 min Rating: PG-13
Audience: Dad w/ phone
Status: Tragically indifferent
Not mints.
Wow, as much as I love the original goofy-ass McG version of Charlie's Angels, I honestly was a bit surprised at how little I gave a damn about this updated, Elizabeth Banks iteration. I'd be the first to admit that the Drew Barrymore flick hasn't exactly aged well, but at least is was fun. This time around the Angels have gotten younger, and a bit...classier, but at great cost. Cue Amy Dunne's Cool Girl monologue right about...now.
Fine, it's not all bad (nah, it is), but in an effort to make this seemingly for women, or at the very least, for girls, Banks and friends have tasked themselves with what just might be an impossible mission. I have no doubt that a story about a cadre of badass female spies could be heavenly (it's okay, I'll punch myself in the nuts for that one), but this ain't it, boss. Instead, it's a too serious, perhaps overly-complicated slog that should have been an incredibly slick, fast-paced romp. The new Angels aren't terrible (though KStew's jokes just might be), but the script and some (most) of the action scenes were (my God). Oh, and that dance scene...just...why?
Yay: The very end was soo good. No, not the part where Picard gets punched in the face, but after.
Boo: I might have been drunk, but did they really retrofit these Angels directly over the old ones?
Homeschool Lesson of the Day: If you're going to re-write history, might as well make it interesting.
Film: Trolls World Tour
Runtime: 90 mins Rating: PG
Audience: Matty, Violet..Dad..Mom
Status: Beyond stoked?
You don't have to be just one thing.
The original Trolls film was released shortly after Trump won the election, and I'll be forever convinced that it was a bit of divine intervention. Singing, dancing, hugging and a dump truck full of glitter was exactly what America needed.
Fast forward three-plus years later, and it would seem, once again, the Poppy and Branch would appear when we needed them most, directly in our homes in the midst of a global pandemic. And while I still am glad they stopped by, this outbreak was a dragon they simply couldn't slay.
This time around, an evil Troll named Barb has decided that it's one string to rule them all and plans to rid the world of any music that ain't rock. She believes the less voices the better, and systematically eliminates any and all dissension. If only they could have worked in a metaphor for the current political landscape?
Due to one or both of their parents falling asleep, my kids ended up watching Trolls World Tour three times in forty-eight hours. Yeah, it's not like they could go anywhere, but they really did have a good time with it, and they don't even know the damn songs. And while I genuinely love the first one, go ahead and mark me down for liking the sequel. Even though it doesn't have a great original number like Sunshine in my Pocket, it does have Sam Rockwell and a lot more Mr. Dinkles, which has to count for something.
Yay: Even though I want to go with the smooth jazz trip, I think Branch's calming eye-rub is my jam.
Boo: This would have been waaay better in the theater (the colors, the music, the dinkles)
Common Thread (Adult Lesson of the Day): No matter how hard you try, you can't dance your way out of everything.
No, the real reason I can't stop watching remakes and sequels, even when I have an infinite amount of original content, is it connects me to the past. Back when things were simpler, happier, and shockingly carefree. Yeah the jokes and effect might not age well, but Hell, neither did I. And if you're telling me I can kind of go back to the good ol' days for an hour or two?
Why wouldn't I?
 |
| Top: Ella Balinska dunks on Stewart Middle: This ain't helping Picard become captain of anything Bottom: It took me way too long to realize that's Jasmine |
Runtime: 118 min Rating: PG-13
Audience: Dad w/ phone
Status: Tragically indifferent
Not mints.
Wow, as much as I love the original goofy-ass McG version of Charlie's Angels, I honestly was a bit surprised at how little I gave a damn about this updated, Elizabeth Banks iteration. I'd be the first to admit that the Drew Barrymore flick hasn't exactly aged well, but at least is was fun. This time around the Angels have gotten younger, and a bit...classier, but at great cost. Cue Amy Dunne's Cool Girl monologue right about...now.
Fine, it's not all bad (nah, it is), but in an effort to make this seemingly for women, or at the very least, for girls, Banks and friends have tasked themselves with what just might be an impossible mission. I have no doubt that a story about a cadre of badass female spies could be heavenly (it's okay, I'll punch myself in the nuts for that one), but this ain't it, boss. Instead, it's a too serious, perhaps overly-complicated slog that should have been an incredibly slick, fast-paced romp. The new Angels aren't terrible (though KStew's jokes just might be), but the script and some (most) of the action scenes were (my God). Oh, and that dance scene...just...why?
Yay: The very end was soo good. No, not the part where Picard gets punched in the face, but after.
Boo: I might have been drunk, but did they really retrofit these Angels directly over the old ones?
Homeschool Lesson of the Day: If you're going to re-write history, might as well make it interesting.
 |
| Top: Barb, who sucks. Middle: Branch, who rules. Bottom: Smooth Jazz Troll, who does both. |
Runtime: 90 mins Rating: PG
Audience: Matty, Violet..Dad..Mom
Status: Beyond stoked?
You don't have to be just one thing.
The original Trolls film was released shortly after Trump won the election, and I'll be forever convinced that it was a bit of divine intervention. Singing, dancing, hugging and a dump truck full of glitter was exactly what America needed.
Fast forward three-plus years later, and it would seem, once again, the Poppy and Branch would appear when we needed them most, directly in our homes in the midst of a global pandemic. And while I still am glad they stopped by, this outbreak was a dragon they simply couldn't slay.
This time around, an evil Troll named Barb has decided that it's one string to rule them all and plans to rid the world of any music that ain't rock. She believes the less voices the better, and systematically eliminates any and all dissension. If only they could have worked in a metaphor for the current political landscape?
Due to one or both of their parents falling asleep, my kids ended up watching Trolls World Tour three times in forty-eight hours. Yeah, it's not like they could go anywhere, but they really did have a good time with it, and they don't even know the damn songs. And while I genuinely love the first one, go ahead and mark me down for liking the sequel. Even though it doesn't have a great original number like Sunshine in my Pocket, it does have Sam Rockwell and a lot more Mr. Dinkles, which has to count for something.
Yay: Even though I want to go with the smooth jazz trip, I think Branch's calming eye-rub is my jam.
Boo: This would have been waaay better in the theater (the colors, the music, the dinkles)
Common Thread (Adult Lesson of the Day): No matter how hard you try, you can't dance your way out of everything.
oh God that new CA movie. i love Banks and really like Stewart but this was just so cheap, bland and forgettable
ReplyDelete'Cheap, bland and forgettable' probably should have been the tagline on the poster. Banks, in the little press I read, seemed to be really pissed at how this film was received, but even though there are tons of shitty people, I don't think it was the audience's fault.
DeleteSo...you gonna see Trolls? (Sam)
I still haven't seen the pigeon one with Ben so maybe I'll do a double feature lol
DeleteJust saw that one...took me a minute to sniff out Ben, but as soon as I did? Totally cracked up thinking about you and the corner.
DeleteTrolls is scheduled to be our movie night tonight or tomorrow so...yay? lol. Not looking forward to it.
ReplyDeleteThat Charlie's Angels movie looks bland AF, but I honestly didn't care for the last attempt either. I don't remember anything from the film other than I worked at the theater when the second movie came out, and I still have my Bernie Mac pin from it. lol
Hahaha...hope you like it. I mean, as far as I can remember, Shrek isn't in it, so you've got that going for you.
DeleteI swear it's intentionally bland (or something), to give the intrigue and the relationships between the women the spotlight and if that's the case, it just didn't work out. There might be a couple of good moments, but nothing that would ever EVER make you want to see it again.
A Bernie Mac pin? PICS.