I enjoy staying in my house. By choice.
Well, I did, but this mandatory stay-at-home order is getting a bit tiresome, if I can be honest with you. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not so angry about quarantine that I'm going to get an assuault rifle, camouflage up and order a five-dollar footlong with my like-minded a-hole, friends. No. I'm just going to be quietly disapointed like a regular person, stay the Hell home, and cross my damn fingers that no one I care about gets sick. I mean, don't these f--kers realize it could be much, much worse than being at home all day?
And I'm not even talking about the coronavirus.
Film: The Lodge
Runtime: 108 mins Rating: R
Audience: a trusting father
Status: Chilled
Because it makes no sense.
Hanging out with your Dad's new girlfriend probably sucks no matter how you slice it, but in The Lodge, this unenviable scenario is cranked to infinity.
Mia and Aidan have just recently lost their mom (to put it mildly), and for whatever reason their father thinks it will be a solid plan if they spend some time with his soon-to-be new wife, Grace, in a remote cabin in the woods. Being that this guy is obviously incapable of reading people, let alone the room, it's a bit shocking that he's an accomplished author. Oh, it should probably be noted that Dad writes about suicide cults...which..is where he met Grace, the lone survivor of some Heaven's Gate type of shit. Wait, what?
Yeah, and if picking up chicks at the scene of a notorius mass suicide weren't a red flag, the fact that he leaves this woman alone in the middle of nowhere with his still-mourning kids just might be. At least he gives her a loaded gun (that she's all too good with). I'm sorry, did you say a loaded are you f--king kidding me?
(this movie is super f--ked up and all kinds of creepy, but to be frank, the setup is so inexplicable, any rational thought sort of cuts the balls off of all of this, you know? But impossibly improbable or not, it's still beyond unsettling at times, which seems like exactly what you horror f--kers are into these days...with your scurrying devil moms and your build-a-bear boyfriends)
Yay: Hell, yes! Alicia Silverstone, the one time love of my life, is in this!
Boo: Well, she was.
Homeschool Lesson of the Day: Turns out, you can actually drive a crazy person insane.
Film: Await Further Instructions
Runtime: 91 minutes Rating: R
Audience: Me and the kids (sort of)
Status: Clairvoyant
Fuck 'em. You're an orphan now. Don't go home. Don't go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Usually I kick things off with a quote from the movie at hand, but this gem from Michael Shannon is simply too perfect. Oh, he was talking about a scenario where you family has voted for Trump, but he might as well have been talking to the main character of Await Further Instructions, Nick.
Poor Nick begrudingly brings his lovely girlfriend home for the holidays, and if shit weren't tense enough with these narrorw-minded twats, it's about to get worse. Much worse. See, somewhere between welcome home and we should be going, a mysterious wall forms around what was moments before, a totally normal house. No one in, no one out, and the only communication with the outside world comes in a form of blocky text on the television. Nick and his girl are skeptical, while hardass Dad is like, What next, Lord Samsung? Yeah, even when the tv is saying don't eat the food, scrub your body with bleach, or inject yourselves with these mysterious needles. Yeah, even though this one was released in 2018, at times it felt like it the messages on the tv were just imported closed captions from the last Trump presser.
Yay: The whole movie is bananas, but before it goes way off the deep end, it's pretty f--king clever.
Boo: The dad might just be one of the worst characters ever. You almost want to say to yourself that no one's that much of a shit-swallowing asshole, but then you turn on the news and...well...yeah.
Common Thread (Adult Lesson of the Day): At least cults have charasmatic leaders who love everyone. Families? They've just got that prick that banged Mom.
Well, I did, but this mandatory stay-at-home order is getting a bit tiresome, if I can be honest with you. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not so angry about quarantine that I'm going to get an assuault rifle, camouflage up and order a five-dollar footlong with my like-minded a-hole, friends. No. I'm just going to be quietly disapointed like a regular person, stay the Hell home, and cross my damn fingers that no one I care about gets sick. I mean, don't these f--kers realize it could be much, much worse than being at home all day?
And I'm not even talking about the coronavirus.
Runtime: 108 mins Rating: R
Audience: a trusting father
Status: Chilled
Because it makes no sense.
Hanging out with your Dad's new girlfriend probably sucks no matter how you slice it, but in The Lodge, this unenviable scenario is cranked to infinity.
Mia and Aidan have just recently lost their mom (to put it mildly), and for whatever reason their father thinks it will be a solid plan if they spend some time with his soon-to-be new wife, Grace, in a remote cabin in the woods. Being that this guy is obviously incapable of reading people, let alone the room, it's a bit shocking that he's an accomplished author. Oh, it should probably be noted that Dad writes about suicide cults...which..is where he met Grace, the lone survivor of some Heaven's Gate type of shit. Wait, what?
Yeah, and if picking up chicks at the scene of a notorius mass suicide weren't a red flag, the fact that he leaves this woman alone in the middle of nowhere with his still-mourning kids just might be. At least he gives her a loaded gun (that she's all too good with). I'm sorry, did you say a loaded are you f--king kidding me?
(this movie is super f--ked up and all kinds of creepy, but to be frank, the setup is so inexplicable, any rational thought sort of cuts the balls off of all of this, you know? But impossibly improbable or not, it's still beyond unsettling at times, which seems like exactly what you horror f--kers are into these days...with your scurrying devil moms and your build-a-bear boyfriends)
Yay: Hell, yes! Alicia Silverstone, the one time love of my life, is in this!
Boo: Well, she was.
Homeschool Lesson of the Day: Turns out, you can actually drive a crazy person insane.
Runtime: 91 minutes Rating: R
Audience: Me and the kids (sort of)
Status: Clairvoyant
Fuck 'em. You're an orphan now. Don't go home. Don't go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Usually I kick things off with a quote from the movie at hand, but this gem from Michael Shannon is simply too perfect. Oh, he was talking about a scenario where you family has voted for Trump, but he might as well have been talking to the main character of Await Further Instructions, Nick.
Poor Nick begrudingly brings his lovely girlfriend home for the holidays, and if shit weren't tense enough with these narrorw-minded twats, it's about to get worse. Much worse. See, somewhere between welcome home and we should be going, a mysterious wall forms around what was moments before, a totally normal house. No one in, no one out, and the only communication with the outside world comes in a form of blocky text on the television. Nick and his girl are skeptical, while hardass Dad is like, What next, Lord Samsung? Yeah, even when the tv is saying don't eat the food, scrub your body with bleach, or inject yourselves with these mysterious needles. Yeah, even though this one was released in 2018, at times it felt like it the messages on the tv were just imported closed captions from the last Trump presser.
Yay: The whole movie is bananas, but before it goes way off the deep end, it's pretty f--king clever.
Boo: The dad might just be one of the worst characters ever. You almost want to say to yourself that no one's that much of a shit-swallowing asshole, but then you turn on the news and...well...yeah.
Common Thread (Adult Lesson of the Day): At least cults have charasmatic leaders who love everyone. Families? They've just got that prick that banged Mom.
oh God that quote from Shannon is so epic I instantly knew he said it when I read that lol THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS ABOUT THE LODGE. My LB post on it is practically word for word with the obligatory addition of how much I want to bang Armitage https://letterboxd.com/harlequinade/film/the-lodge-2019/
ReplyDeleteObviously, when I read your LB post, I didn't really know what you were talking about, but as everything unfolded, it's really hard to buy what they're selling here. I mean, the dad is straight-up negligent, and likely got what he deserved. (is that a bit too harsh??)
DeleteUm, safe to say I didn't want to bang anyone in this film...well, not anyone REALLY in this film.
The only way The Lodge could be logical is if the dad was in on it the entire time...but he wasn't. he was just a moron. I'm still a bit shocked over this movie lol
ReplyDeleteClearly his judgment isn't what it needs to be, which is fine, but the movie handles it like he's some sort of absent-minded professor who heads home because he left the garage door open. Like, nothing sinister here...EXCEPT BASICALLY F--KING EVERYTHING.
DeleteI recommended it to my sister, I mean...it's certainly...traumatic?
I feel like The Lodge would be a perfect WTF am I watching movie. If I'm in a mood for that I might check it out! :D
ReplyDeleteI have not heard of the other one but I'm intrigued now.... Plus, Shannon is always entertaining!
It is definitely the perfect movie for that mood. Let me know if end up watching it!!
DeleteAs for the other one, I wish Michael Shannon was in it, but alas, he is not, but his quote was just too perfect if you've seen the film. Which, if you think about it, might be a good second flick in your WTF film festival! (starts intriguing...then flies off the rails!)