Rating: R Runtime: 98 minutes Where: Everywhere (a challenge, honestly [phone, laptop, two different televisions])
What's it about? Once again, some low-life a-holes f--k with the wrong guy (a murderous/invincible Navy Seal who may or may not be blind [he is, but still]). Big time. But instead of the rich kids collecting B&Es like Pokemon, this time around it's some meth-heads gathering human organs. Wait, what? Yeah, what starts out mysterious and shady, may ultimately be the most twisted romantic grand gesture in the history of cinema. Aww. But that's only after a dog is killed and a young girl is, get this, taken. Yikes.
What works: A bad guy is doing very bad things, but we root for him regardless. And even if you're better than this (and you are, trust me), seeing a douchey henchman take a hammer to the side of his head from across the room has a certain amount of timeless charm. And as wild as it gets along the way, the ending is absolutely bonkers, with an empty pool being a particularly spirited participant in the mayhem.
What doesn't: Last time, I think I was on the edge of my seat (when not recoiling in terror/disgust [the situation in the basement has never left me]), but this go-round you can call just about everything that's going to happen before it does. It's almost like...*whispers* you can see it coming.
Yays: The violence is pretty grisly, with a certain hacking scene extra noteworthy. Same goes for a "thumbs deep" eye-gouging that reminded me of something from a Steven Segal flick back in the day (the guy had dreads, methinks). Also, dogs come up clutch in a variety of ways, all of which makes those good boys even gooder. There's a Latino dude who is the low-key MVP of the whole affair. And even if I'm scared of her for many reasons, Madelyn Grace (who plays Phoenix) does a great job even if her parents should probably be arrested for affording her the opportunity..
Boos: He's blind, right? Like, he can't see at all, right? Mmkay, probably no reason he shouldn't have died at least *calculator noises* nine-hundred and forty-three times, especially when the cavalry arrives near the end (these dudes are yards away and have working hand guns). Ooh, speaking of fisticuffs, there's a move that old Blindy throws on the final boss that I rewound twice and still couldn't decipher (imagine being in your forties and having the nerve to verify something like this). Major boo-age to second in command Guy for hurting a dog, even if allowed me to straight up bask in his death. And finally, that doctor dude and his surgical strategy? HILARIOUS...ly stupid. We're gonna have to cut out her heart while she's awake. I see no problems with any of this extremely delicate procedure. I mean, we are in the poorly lit lobby of an abandoned Motel 6...
Should you use your (mostly functional) eyes on this? Only if you enjoyed the first one. Or, you know, you enjoy bad people being killed good. Uh, with hammers.
Of all the people to get a sequel I would not have put my money on turkey baster rapist. Like...what? lol
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's pretty surprising that this guy gets to come back, but being that it was, for me, a pretty kickass horror movie...an unnecessary sequel was probably a forgone conclusion.
DeleteHe's still trying to be a dad this go-round, but he's using hammers instead of basters. Is this an upgrade? Possibly. Though the thought of the baster does make me want to immediately die....