Tuesday, September 9, 2014

This one shows spirit.

I'm sure you've heard what they've been saying now that it's over: it was a huge gamble! It shouldn't have worked out as well as it did. And while they were talking about the movie we saw, in fact, they might as well have been talking about my wife and I seeing it. Together. Because, let me tell you, for the first fifteen minutes? I thought I made a terrible, terrible decision.

My wife loathes sci-fi, and isn't even borderline interested in the Marvel Universe, but she loved Guardians of the Galaxy. And even though I'm three weeks out from having seen it (new job = imminent death of Two Dollar Cinema), I still consider it one of the most entertaining movies of 2014, and (tiny, adorable raccoon) hands down the best movie of the summer. There isn't a doubt in my mind.

Back in the begnining of August, I thought the early word/fanboy boners would steer me wrong, or at least make it impossible for Marvel's latest to live up to the hype, but that word (and those um, boners) was/were spot on. While the easy answer to Guardians success is to say that everything just works, I think what I loved most about it was the fact that it didn't take itself too seriously. And by that I mean that it's f--king hysterical. 

Most of the laughs come from the brilliantly-cast Chris Pratt as Starlord/Peter, but Riley Cooper's work as Rocket Raccoon consistently killed me. Rocket is such a dick in the best possible way that it still makes me smile. His insistence on various body parts being essential to the plan still cracks me up. I need his prosthetic leg.

Clearly, I'm avoiding much of the plot as it's been so long since I've seen the film (not to mention being deeply mired in my own personal Hell) that I really don't remember the specifics. As I recall, Peter/Starlord finds a mysterious orb and inadvertently becomes the target of a massive manhunt . Everybody wants the orb for world domination-type reasons, and Peter ends up forming a ragtag-team of intergalactic a-holes to (almost reluctantly, it seems) protect the universe. While each member of the crew (minus Groot, I suppose) is working for purely selfish reasons, Peter eventually shows them that the mission is bigger than all of them. Even though it's all pretty standard stuff, I'm not really doing any of it justice. I know. Shocking, right? 

Also not shocking, are the Yays and Boos. As we haven't seen a movie in almost a month (totally flaked on the #84athon which is a major bummer), they've been relegated to cheering and jeering the occasional episode of _________  (any title will do, promise) on Sprout. Nina from The Goodnight Show? Oh, her little pajama ensemble? That's a Yay. But Star? Huge Boo.


  • The title sequence was frickin' great.
  • Early on, there was some rat-kicking greatness. Really set the tone.
  • Even though I liked the eventually nixed Stan Lee cameo idea better, what we did get was pretty sweet.
  • Okay, I've already gone too far without mentioning the soundtrack. In a word, it f--king rules. Whatever, say it quickly.
  • The prison escape, pictured to the left, was one of the best scenes in the movie. What Groot lacks in subtlety, he certainly makes up for in effectiveness.
  • I thought Drax was going to be the weak link, but his ability to only accept things in the most literal fashion routinely killed me. 
  • Which reminds me, the throat-slitting gesture? Perfect.
  • Some of Peter's lines had to be improved by Pratt, right? My votes are the Jackson Pollack painting one, at least, not to mention the whole legend of Footloose.
  • Man, We are Groot killed me. What the Hell is wrong with me?
  • There is nothing better than a dance-off. Well, not in a PG-13 movie, anyway.
  • Even though it was actually a tender moment, I couldn't help but laugh when Peter (I think), pets Rocket for a second.
  • Michael Rooker! Sure, I can't help but look at this guy and think of stink-palming him with some chocolate-covered pretzels, but I loved him here. That weapon of his was so badass!
  • Some of the violence, despite being cartoon-ish, was still really impressive. Rocket is responsible for most of it, though Drax blasting Nebula was pretty sweet, too.
  • That final battle scene above the city was very cool.
  • As was my main man, Wreck-It-Ralph.
  • And finally, I just want to say that this movie was exactly what I wanted it to be. It's about as playful an action movie as I've ever seen. Maybe it won't hold up the next time I watch it, but that day, in that theater, it was just about perfect.
  • Okay, what the f--k was that beginning? I mean, I get it, but my wife turned to me horrified. I didn't know that's how this would open, you know? You were going to take Matty to see this!!? Yeesh.
  • Drax calling up Ronan was quite the dick move, no?
  • And speaking of Ronan, did anyone really give a shit about this guy? Yeah, he looks (and sounds) pretty badass, but Loki, he ain't.
  • And finally, not that this has anything to do with the movie itself, but I can't believe this is the last movie I've seen, theatrically or otherwise. This almost month-long stretch could be my longest ever. I guess this Boo is for adulthood.

Well, speaking of being grown up, I gotta go to bed like, twenty minutes ago. No more late night posts for me. I actually have parents coming to school tomorrow to talk to, you know, get to know their child's teacher! And while I'm likely to be extra exhausted by that time, I still don't really know what I'm going to say. Maybe I'll just repeat the same three words over and over.

It worked for Vin Diesel.


  1. I routinely go weeks with no movies, hell, I once only saw 4 in cinema a year :/ That's normal. Those people who watch 70 a month? That's fucking crazy.

    So glad you liked this one, it was favorite movie of the summer for me too. Rocket was probably Cooper's best performance to date - Cooper kinda looks like a pussy so I couldn't believe he can sound this badass. Especially while voicing a little furry animal.

    1. 4 in a YEAR? That's crazy! But...then again, you have a pretty legit job, right? I mean, damn.

      And thanks for pointing out those people who post the fact that they've seen an absurd number of movies of a month. It's commendable in a way....but it's also like, what the f--k, man?. I've got your 71st movie for you fella, it's called The Sun. You should totally check it out.

      ROCKET! I have to say that I might agree with you about it being Cooper's best. I like Cooper in his other shit, but what he did here was so soooooo good, it's hard not to put it at the top. Loved it.

    2. Yeah, it's pretty tiring and more often than not I actually bring some work stuff home with me. it's 11 pm and it's basically the first time I had the time to do my blog reading and I may even watch something now....and then it's getting up at 5:30 am :/ It's not this great this year either, it's almost October and the films I did see in theaters? 5, this included. But I'll see Gone Girl and Interstellar in cinema for sure.

    3. Our schedules are very similar. I'm home earlier, but by the time we get the kids down? It's all I can do to not immediately pass out. Watching a movie (or blogging) just seems like work...instead of the thing I love. It sucks.

      I'm also with you on Gone Girl and Interstellar likely being what's going to get me back to the theater. I desperately tried to get to the theater for my birthday...denied on that front big time. Hell...I even fell asleep during the newest 300 movie. Didn't even make it to Eva Green, you know, unleashing Hell (and by Hell...I totally mean heaven).


  2. Yes, yes, yes, yes and more yes!!!

    LOL, Pratt was amazing here. I loved his line readings. He just had this knack for selling EVERY joke. That opening scene, the rat kicking, the music, the dancing, the kick assery...I looked at my bestie and nodded in approval and just knew that this was going to be awesome.

    Great review buddy...now go read mine ;-)

    1. Yep. After the beginning, it only takes about five minutes for the vibe of this movie to just kind of put it's arm around you and let you know, it's going to be this kind of party. I couldn't have been happier at that moment.

      Ugh. I will totally read your post! Shit. I used to be by every day... and now, I don't even know? Once a week? Maybe.

      I'm the worst.

  3. I'm glad you like this one! I had a blast with it too. I kind of agree about Ronan though. I was more interested in seeing Thanos. I'm glad someone warned me about the opening sequence first though, otherwise I probably would've cried like the baby back bitch that I am.

    1. This comment cracked me up. I think when I teach alliteration, I'm going to use that last line.

      Anyway, I really did enjoy this flick. I don't buy movies anymore, but this one will be a no-brainer.

  4. I swear I'm the only blogger who hasn't seen this yet. Gotta get on it. Speaking of us folk with the strange hobby, I hope you get to keep playing with us in the blogosphere. If not, we understand. Life or something like that.

    1. Well, I'd like to reassure you that you're not alone, but at this point, if I've seen it and you haven't...yeah, you just might be the last one missing out on this one.

      I want nothing more than to continue being a part of this whole thing. I just can't keep my eyes open anymore.

  5. You are very brave for working with animals. I see primary and middle school teachers in my school and I want to hug them because kids are terrifying. (Assuming you teach them. Good luck anyway!!)

    I really really really loved Guardians, too, it was borderline hilarious and absolutely the best film of the summer. And you made me want to see it again yay!

    I disagree with Wendell, though, I'll never forgive you if you leave us for some children. We need you, /I/ need you, especially with the horrors of school that have been bestowed upon me.

    1. Ha! I think by 'brave' you actually mean 'stupid' but I'm going to take it anyway. Middle school is an awful mix of thinking you know everything with a heavy helping of not having a f--king clue. It's a real blast, lemme tell ya.

      Tell me more about your school. It can't be 1/1000th as bad as mine. Ready. Set....GO!