The moon is just a chip shot away.

I spend a considerable amount of time on this blog mentioning and discussing women in film. Okay, by women I more or less mean breasts. I think we can all agree that the female form in its natural, unencumbered glory is an incredible thing, right? Right. But on the other end of that spectrum is the awkward awfulness of the naked man. Sure, some of you out there enjoy that type of thing, but be honest with yourself: There's nothing sexy about some dude's sweaty junk in your face.

Magic Mike is yet another instance of director Steven Soderbergh proving that he can do whatever the Hell he wants. Helming a male-stripper movie might be a risky movie for numerous other directors, but not this guy. If I heard that his next movie was going to be a live-action VeggieTales movie, I wouldn't be shocked. He does what he wants, how he wants. And even if you don't want to watch mostly-naked dudes jiggle their balls for two hours, you have to respect his.

While a few of the performances are special, the story itself is anything but. Matthew McConaughey plays Dallas, a slightly older, bongo-playing businessman whose business happens to be entertaining the ladies. He has a small stable of guys that dance at his small-time club, though he dreams of bringing the flapping-dong action to Miami. His main draw, is Magic Mike, played by The Sexiest Man Alive Channing Tatum. Mike can shake it with the best of them, but has the oh-so dreamy dream of building custom furniture. Complicating everything, is The Kid. Mike recruits him to the club and for some unknown reason, falls for his sister. Hearts will be break, bottoms will be hit and, yes ladies, penises will be pumped.


I'm not going to lie, I wanted to see this movie. I had heard about McConaughey's performance being Oscar-worthy, and being that I've always loved the guy, I was interested in seeing for myself. While I do think he was solid, this performance couldn't suck the drumstick of what he did in Killer Joe [review]. I also thought my wife would enjoy the flick, but she nodded off at the 17 minute mark, leaving me and naked guys uncomfortably alone together.

Okay ladies, let's switch gears for a minute. Please focus your attention center stage, where performing for the first time ever, are the Yays and Boos. Have your singles ready. No cash? Well, they take debit cards too, though the swiping process is rather unfortunate.

Yaaaaaaay!

• In the ultimate equalizer, minutes into the film we are treated to Olivia Munn's wonderful breasts. X-Play boobs? Yes, please. Makes all the dick shaking later on easier to, um, swallow.
• I didn't really like Adam (The Kid) as a character or person, but his Ah-nuld impersonation is stellar.
• Oh man, the initiation by the other male strippers is pretty awesome. Massage it in, too.
• No bullshit. Channing Tatum can dance like a motherf--ker.  Though his 'magic' has little to do with his moves. Dude's charming.
• Dallas' workout attire. It's so awful it actually becomes incredible. 
• Previously unknown occupational hazard: The endless straightening of one dollar bills.
• And finally, the scene at the sorority house. This is in my Top 100 of scenes where shit goes horribly wrong. Loved the looks on the college guys faces before everything hit the fan.

 Boooo!

• So, do all male strip clubs have organized routines and costumes? What the shit? All us guys get are a bunch of naked chicks spinning on poles and spreading their legs. Oh, wait.
• I'm not sure about Cody Horn, the actress who plays Brooke. She was distractingly normal at times, if that makes sense.
• Maybe this is based on a true story, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes when one of the dudes hurts his back lifting up a big lady. That joke's so easy it seems beneath all of us.
• And finally, though I like the casual approach, this sucker drags at 110 minutes. Maybe tighten up some of those awkward pauses in conversation, perhaps?

In college, I can remember hearing the whispers of girls hiring male strippers to dance in a dorm room for some chick's birthday or whatever. Typically, things would spiral out of control and some previously-thought-to-be-conservative girl in the room would do something she would later regret. This is what I was reminded of when I was watching Magic Mike.

While my wife was on the couch.
In the room.
With me.

Asleep.