Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I guess I like the idea of serving my country. Even if I don't know exactly what I do.

Days left until my wife gives birth to our second child. Games the Sox are ahead of the Yankees.
Total dollars in joint account. Movies watched per month. Completed posts.

These were the numbers that ruled my summer, in no particular order. Now, it's much simpler.

Hours till my alarm goes off. Days till the weekend.

John Cusack has never been confused with Richard Nixon. UNTIL NOW.
The Numbers Station doesn't concern itself with such trivial matters. In fact, the titular numbers, though shrouded in mystery, are clearly matters of life or death. The only numbers that mattered to me, however, were 89 and 32. The former being the number of minutes in this flick, the latter begin the cents it cost to rent. 89 + 32 = Victory, for a new dad, short on time and disposable income.

Pretend for a second that you were making a movie. This movie was going to be about a washed-up hitman, sent to another country to wallow in solitude. This guy is a loner, tormented by something in his past. Even if you didn't see the poster, you're thinking John Cusack, right? Of course you are. Oh, but this is going to a direct-to-video affair. Ethan Hawke, perhaps? Well that makes sense, too. He was originally cast in the role, only to be later replaced by Martin Blank. I mention this because while Cusack's presence gives this movie a little bit of credibility, it also brings a ton of familiarity, too.

On a shortwave radio frequency, a female voice can be heard reading a series of numbers. Okay, great. So far this sounds less entertaining than an airing of Delilah. Anyway, these numbers are a code that likely sentences someone to death on the other side of the planet. After a hit goes horribly wrong, Emerson Kent (Cusack) is reassigned from someone that actually does something with the numbers, to protecting the woman merely reading them (Akerman). On a typical day, pretty much nothing happens. Lucky for us, eventually something does.

According to most reviews and scores I came across, this movie is utterly horrible.While I'll hardly defend it, I think you can do worse than a really short flick starring the likable duo of Cusack and Akerman. Sure, not much happens, at all, but there's nothing really offensive about it either. The whole code thing is moderately interesting, and seems somehow relevant in an age where governments are routinely shirking due process. The main problem, is that nothing terribly exciting happens. An explosion that would fill 19 frames of a Michael Bay flick, might be the most exciting moment in this one. But hey, it's got the younger Silk Spectre in it (even if she never gets plowed by Nite Owl, unfortunately).

Speaking of nothing terribly exciting, here are the Yays and Boos. Adventure? Excitement? m. brown craves not these things. Hell, I just want to watch a short movie and take a nap, honestly.

Sometimes I got so bored of trying to touch her breast...

  • Even though it's kind of silly, the random numbers equating in some poor bastards death is intriguing and presented convincingly.
  • Here's another code for you: Have your drink. Translation? Yeah, you're f--ked.
  • I was also a fan of Retire your broadcaster. That was some hardcore shit. It wasn't her fault.
  • There's a little bit of style here, too. Lots of swooping cameras, faint buzzing and whatever intrigue sounds like permeate countless scenes.
  • If it's not already apparent, I think I love Akerman. Though it may be purely contextual, as she has 50% of the vaginas in this film.
  • In fact, the whole cast is right around fifteen people. That's ridiculous, but kind of cool too.
  • And finally, even though his brooding might come from current career choices, rather than what his character was going through, I simply love John Cusack. Even if he's dusting off the trench coat yet again, I dig it. Always will.

This isn't a still. I'm actually streaming the movie live.

  •'s snowing in New Jersey, we head into a bar, and baseball is on? Ridiculous!
  • Though I'm typically a huge fan of shooting someone too much, I'm pretty sure Bad Guy #3 was shot somewhere beyond that. Might want to conserve some ammo, chief. Just sayin...
  • When the code is finally cracked, the whole thing seemed kind of silly. But, let's be honest. In 99% of movies (especially not good ones), watching someone learn something is usually completely ridiculous. Unless it's Keanu saying I know kung-fu. Then it's f--king awesome.
  • We're gonna blow this whole place straight to Hell, right? Right. Aw, man. The car won't start!
  • And finally, the biggest boo here, and my real beef with this flick, is the aforementioned lack of action. I certainly don't need wall-to-wall, but maybe just one wall. Even half of one.
Shit. All this talk about numbers and I've forgotten another important one: 

Assignments I have prepared for first period tomorrow. 

Zero's a number, right?


  1. Wow. I've never even heard of this one. I hate little continuity errors like baseball being on when it's snowing. There's one in Fargo that drives me nuts. When they leave Brainerd to go to Minneapolis, there's a clock in both scenes and it's only about a half hour difference between the two. You can't make that drive in 30 mins. Petty, but true.

  2. It was one of the few remaining blu rays on free rental night. I had never heard of it either.

    Sometimes, the little things are just enough to take you out of the whole experience. Boo on that.

  3. I am more interested about the Sox being in first place.

  4. I'm still recovering from the shock of the school year having started. While I was correcting 50 essays this week, my mind was wandering at the beach. :-)

    The premise of this movie sounds intriguing -- it's a shame it isn't better.