Friday, March 28, 2014

Cinematic Corner's Spin-Off Blogathon!

Not only is she one of my absolute favorite bloggers, but her support of this trainwreck inspires me endlessly. So when Sati over at the brilliant cinematic corner. decided to host her first blogathon, I was powerless to resist (oh, and I'm pretty sure she could take me in a fist fight). The premise? Find a supporting character, no matter how minor, and explain why you would want them to get their own film. There may be some other rules (in fact, there are), but f--k it. Rules are for pussies. I mean, who follows rules in a blogathon? Nobody I know. Here are my picks for the Spin-Off Blogathon. Enjoy.

Who: Catherine from This is 40 [review] (Melissa McCarthy, 2012)
What we know: We know that Catherine is a tough bitch. Apparently, her son is a real a-hole who is being wrongly harassed by Pete and Debbie, so she heads to the principal's office to get some answers. There, she loses her f--king mind.
What we don't know: Why is this lady so angry? Is this how she treats everyone? How has she not killed someone and/or been killed yet? I want these answers and more in a full-length feature.
Best Line: And I'm glad your husband died. 
Bottom Line: Letting McCarthy loose almost guarantees a good time. As an overprotective mother (of a little shit), I'd love to see her wrongly unleash Hell upon countless unsuspecting victims. Think of the comedic prospects of watching people inadvertently fall into this walking bear-trap of a person. If a feature could somehow maintain the insanity of her role in This is 40, it would be hysterical.

Who: Gaunt Young Man from Flight
[review] (James Badge Dale, 2012)
What we know: This poor guy has cancer, and is near the end. He strolls up on Whip and Nicole having a smoke in the hospital stairwell. Seemingly all out of f--ks, this dude unleashes nothing but truth.
What we don't know: Who is this dude? What was he doing before he got sick? Is there a chance he makes it?
Best Line: My cancer might get cancer.
Bottom Line: Re-watching this scene on YouTube, I'm stunned by how powerfully intense this five-minute performance still is. This guy gives you the sense that in addition to cancer, he's dealt with some serious shit in his day. He's so honest, so completely frank, I feel he would make a very compelling character. Obviously his current state has made him fearless, but I'd love to see a movie about him before he got sick. He seems like he might have been quite the ladies man, too.

Who: Tricia Jones from Mallrats
(Renee Humphrey, 1995)
What we know: Trish the Dish is a very smart 15 year-old girl, currently working on her first novel, Bore-gasm, about the sex drive of males 14-30. She gets around, sure, but only in the name of research. She's very organized, very thorough, and really isn't interested that that kid is back on the escalator.
What we don't know: What did she do after the book? Is she still writing? Did the arrest of the proprietor of Cherchez la Femme change the way she conducted her research?
Best Line: Women want romance, not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Bottom Line: I really don't want to see a full-length film about an underage girl sleeping with lots of grown, again [review], but all these years later that scene with Trish, Brodie and T.S. still cracks me up. The universe that Kevin Smith created is ripe for a spin-off, why not a little more time with Ms. Jones?

I was also considering Donny from The Big Lebowski, but someone told me to shut the f--k up every time I discussed it. I also considered Paul Giamatti's Bellman from My Best Friend's Wedding, but that idea? It too, shall pass.
I made this in Paint. Imagine doing some math on an abacus, and you're in the ballpark of my image editing proficiency.


  1. Sati's constant plugging of your blog introduced me to this awesome place here, too. I loooooove that girl.

    I haven't seen any of these films, but McCarthy in that kinda role sounds pretty damn awesome, so I'll take your word on it. And I'd definitely pay to see that Gaunt Young Man movie. Hollywood is waiting for your script, m.brown...

    1. Girl, you need to get on Mallrats asap. It's really a tender love story, set during a pivotal time in history, that should be seen by audiences all over the world. Oh, wait. I think I might be thinking of Titanic. I always get those two confused.

      Seriously, I'd recommend all three, in no particular order. Grab a six pack of Coke and get on it!

      As for that script...well, if I were a little smarter...maybe I'd give it a shot.
      Good thing I'm not.

  2. LOL, the McCarthy Train trudges along! I totally agree with you on James Badge Dale, but I haven't seen the other two. Great ideas for spin-offs though.

    And yes, Sati is pretty much the Blogging Queen!

    1. All Hail the Queen.

      Dude. His scene in Flight is incredible. INCREDIBLE. This guy needs to be in more shit than my imaginary spin-off. For reals.

  3. Nice picks! I especially love the Mallrats one. God, I need to watch that movie again.

    1. So glad your with me, here. Trish the Dish, in a small part, made a lasting impact. Can you believe I saw that shit in the theaters? It made, like 800 grand domestic. F--k.

  4. I love plugging your blog - linking your posts as well as huge dose of fangirling over - most of the time - disturbingly older men and apparently, dick talk is a guarantee in Rambling Friday. Wouldn't be the same without it, really.

    Knowing my borderline disturbing posts actually got someone here? That's all the thank you I need.

    Love your picks here - I'd see anything for Melissa so this movie - which I heard is just awful - is on my watchlist, along with that road trip/identity theft flick. She can threaten to kill people in every movie she is in for all I care - it will never be boring. This guy in Flight and Tricia in Mallrats are definitely worth of spin-off too, in fact just as with Tarantino you can probably find dozens of potentially lead characters in Smith's flicks. That chick with bubbles from Zack and Miri? That would be interesting.

    1. Wow...when you put it that way...sounds like one Hell of a Friday. I mean, you had me at dick talk.

      When I sort my stats by 'all-time' and see that cinematic corner is responsible for its fair share, I just shake my head. I can't repay it. I can't. Well...other than talking dicks and such.

      That said...whoa whoa whoa. This Is 40 is awful? Nah. It's way too long, sure, but Rudd + Mann x McCarthy is winning math, trust me. Even if just for her tirade in the principal's office alone. But, hey, I actually saw this one with my wife away from our house so it's possible that I would have been amused by just about anything.

      Totally with you with the Smith/QT comparison. Their styles lend themselves to branching stories in countless directions. Definitely.

      Good stuff, Sati. Thanks for hosting.

  5. Having not seen the other two movies, the Mallrats one seems interesting enough. You can create some kind of tragic backstory into why she started doing the research to begin with. Was there abuse at home? Or does she simply not feel anything and is trying to find a way to feel? Amusing. Good find.

    1. Trish could easily be a tragic character, sure, but I'd like to think that she's just incredibly analytic. The result? She approaches even sex in a detached fashion. I mean, she doesn't even mind Shannon's Yeah, who's your favorite New Kid? nonsense. It's business time.

      Call me Donnie.

  6. Haven't seen Mallrats but I love your other two choices. JBD is great in Flight. I'm not the biggest fan of This is 40, but McCarthy's turn was far and away the best thing about it.

    1. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? You never saw Mallrats? You must!

      Damn. I think I'm the only person alive who liked This is 40.

  7. I would love a spin-off of Gaunt Young Man from Flight. That is a great, great pick. Dale did such impressive work in that one brief scene - he would totally rock his own feature.

    1. I knew you'd be on board with this one, Alex.

      When I watched the scene again, it's almost stunning how much power he commands in those five minutes. How this guy hasn't blown up since boggles my mind.