Thursday, July 7, 2011

You have made a grave mistake...

What's the saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me? Well, Michael Bay and his damned Transformers movies have now fooled me three times. I don't know why I keep going when I really, really loathe these flicks. I'm not piling on either, because the general consensus seems to be that Transformers: Dark of the Moon is the perfect blockbuster, at least as far as audiences (and box office records) are concerned.
While looking at this you should probably make explosion sounds. In slow-motion. Oh, and in 3-D. While skydiving.

Shia taking the money and running. Good for him.
Okay, so there's not really much more to say. I saw this Tuesday night with Flem and my sister. Flem hated it. My sister hated it. I don't want to dismiss it as 157 minutes of pure awful, but goodness... You will actually grow tired of the action. It will be too much and you will get bored. I promise. I realize this is a movie based on a cartoon, but does that mean it has to be stupid (it is)? The first time I saw a Transformer wearing a cloak/tattered rag, I wanted to scream and punch all crotches in the theater so that the pain in our souls would be matched by the pain in our junk.
 But, if you do go, here are some things you might want to keep count of:
  • Optimus' Ahnuld-like growling! Gee-yaaaaaaaaa!
  • Poor use of CGI/stand-ins-for /actual American historical figures
  • American flags (America! F--- Yeah!)
  • Girl making pouty face
  • Occurrences of Patrick Dempsey douchiness
  • Republican propaganda!
Hey, when this movie makes a bajillion dollars, remember...we only paid $4 each. We totally showed them.

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