Thursday, September 29, 2011

Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation.

A new record was set at the local cinema tonight. I think I was almost in tears less than five minutes into Steven Soderbergh's Contagion. Yep, putting it out there. Now, there was no weeping mind you, but damned if I didn't tear up right out of the gate. I won't spoil it for you, but if you have a kid, it hits hard. Overwhelmingly hard. Yikes.

My mom is in town and she was cool with watching our son tonight, so me and the wife could go out. Shockingly, I dragged her to another movie that she was convinced she was going to hate (see my Apes review) but ended up enjoying. Now, she wanted to see The Help, and even pitched Moneyball, but the showtime for Contagion worked best, and...well, that was really what I wanted to see. Moneyball looks good, but last night my beating heart was bobbled in Carl Crawford's glove in Baltimore, and I honestly don't think I can manage any more baseball. It might take the 188 days till Spring Training to fully heal. Longer if the Yanks win it. Much longer.

Game over, man. Game over.
While we're discussing heartache and the evils of the world, let me tell you, this movie is scary. Very scary. An unknown virus wiping us out with brutal efficiency is more frightening than any CG-monster ever created. Seeing civilized-life crumble worldwide in a matter of days is unsettling enough, but seeing it so realistically portrayed physically hurts. I have never been so conscious of my hands and face before in a theater (that sounds dirty, but stay with me). I didn't want to move at all. I started to think about the back of the chair and the armrests - and got a bit itchy. Then, a guy in the theater started coughing. I almost shit*.

Bottom line? Check this one out. I didn't want to literally make love to it like I did Drive, but it was still a good time. Well, as much fun as you can have imagining your family die in front of you - but whatever. Minor sticking point. And for the record, Marion Cotillard is insanely beautiful. Wowzers.
 *this is actually my mom's favorite saying.Your mom might say "I was so surprised!" Not mine. She goes with the shit-line. Seriously.


  1. I saw this last night. I liked it (for the most part)! I did sort of struggle to keep my eyes open during the middle of the movie, only really caring when Matt Damon was on screen. I'm not going to say the pacing and the resolution of this movie were bad, because they weren't, but it didn't suit me. So yeah. Good movie.

  2. Not that this is in my top 5, but I think I need a top 5 list from you. I feel that we are usually miles apart on movies, and I am overwhelmingly curious as to what films' greatness you would vouch for.

    That's the challenge. List your top 5 below. Let the whole world see what it is you actually like (by whole world I mean, me, you and occasionally Flem).

  3. 5)Airplane! I know I saw this movie recently, but my god. We discussed this on the phone, but I will say it here: This movie was not an absurd film at all. This movie made so much sense it almost wasn't funny. This movie is, without a doubt, the most playful movie (and I mean that in a "word play" sort of way as well) I have ever seen.
    4)Taxidermia. The most bizarre movie I have ever seen, while also containing simple characters, a simple plot (save for the very last moment), and no fantastic imagery (fantastic as in fantasy). I hate avaunt-guard movies such as Eraserhead and Play Time because they are the Jackson Pollocks of movies. Only pretentious douches pretend to like them. Taxidermia, on the other hand, is strange yet so tangible.
    3)Inception. I cried every time I saw it in theatres. Is there even a need to explain this? Great cast, genius soundtrack, awesome effects, and an awesome story.
    2)Oldboy. Hammer violence. Tongue removal. Octopus eating. Twist.

    And finally...

    1)A Serbian Film. While I didn't run to my shower and try to wash the movie off of my skin (much like my reaction to The Human Centipede), this ULTIMATE shocker was so dirty, so filthy, so wrong that I couldn't help but love it. I feel like this is one of the few films that gives "shock horror" a GREAT name. While this movie was so filled with brutality (which, having had no life experience, and a very very strong stomach), it was also a step above your classic "torture chamber in a florescent-lit dungeon" cinematography. Lastly, and most importantly, the story. Not the plot, per se, but the story as a whole. Bright beginning, descending into such sadness and despair.

    Honorary Mentions: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Fantastic Planet. I wanted to put The Fantastic Planet on the list, but I really really couldn't figure out what to replace with it. Probably Taxidermia, but I'm just not sure.