Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Goodbye my sweet, hairy prince.

Though it's hard to trust anyone who hyphenates their name in the first place, it's even more difficult when both names are the same. Regardless, I not only fully trusted, but totally adored Prof. Rodriguez-Rodriguez. This woman, presumably in her early-thirties at the time, presided over the first course I ever took in my college major (meaning she was going to have an impact). The theme of her Intro. to Mass Communication class was simple, yet extremely valuable: The news is a f--king joke. 

That may be obvious to just about anybody alive today, but as a seventeen year old college freshman in the fall of '97, this thought blew my fragile, little mind.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues will likely never be shown in a college classroom, but I imagine it will make the rounds in the dorms (like a certain video with Pam and Tommy Lee back in my day...ewww). Buried under dozens of vagina jokes and general idiocy, however, is a tastily subversive look at the modern television news industry. Sure, you'll have to wade through a motor home full of hit-or-miss f--kery, but at a buck fifty from Redbox, it'll be well worth it.

Ron Burgundy is an idiot. Seriously, if he were a five year-old, you'd still be disappointed by just about everything he says and does. But somehow, he really is great at reading the news. And when he decides, along with his crew from San Diego, to give America exactly what they want from their TV news, he changes everything. Goodbye nuanced interviews with foreign dignitaries, hello car chases and patriotic kittens. Sure, ol' fictitious Ron isn't really responsible for any of this, but watch thirty minutes of your local news, and it doesn't seem that far-fetched.

Almost ten years after the original, I'm sure audiences weren't clamoring for a satire of Fox News, but instead wanted to see Ron, Champ, Brian and Brick again, saying naughty words and doing absurd things. In that regard, I can say rather objectively that Anchorman 2 certainly does deliver. Whether or not any of their nonsense will make you laugh out loud, that's a little harder to nail down. Personally, I went in kind of down on the movie for whatever reason and ended up laughing a lot more than I expected. Oh, it might lack a little of the original's magic, but um, what sequel doesn't?

Speaking of lacking magic, here are the Yays and Boos, each completely drenched in Sex Panther. It should be noted that we only watched the PG-13 version of Anchorman 2, so each list could be dramatically altered.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
  • There's an early montage of Ron's gaffes that is pretty awesome.
  • Hosting events at SeaWorld. Roo-roo is an asshole.
  • Champ may not get a lot to do in this one, but his initial scene in his 'chicken' joint is very funny. I think I might like some chicken of the cave. Oh, and props to his sweet perm, too.
  • Brian Fontana's post-news career is solid, too.
  • Ah, the Winnebago crash. So stupid. So incredibly, wonderfully stupid.
  • Just once, I want someone to look at me and think, I bet that guy's shit smells like sandalwood.
  • The initial night on GNN was so good. I'd stay up to three in the morning for a story about the Top 50 vaginas of all time. Though I'm not sure I could catch all eleven parts of Fontana's special report.
  • The Toledo Express. (punch the woman, Ron)
  • Fontana's old pals, the Ladykillers.
  • Smoking crack on the air. This was one of my favorite running gags.
  • You might be too young to really appreciate how f--king perfect it was to see the crew reading Garfield at Large, not to mention some sweet ass Diff'rent Strokes footage.
  • I've heard it's epic in the R-rated version, but the jimmy cabinet scene might have been my favorite part. Put me down for a Gentle Mongoose, as I'm all out of The Rigid Ghost.
  • So, Ron ends up going blind for awhile. Sad, huh? I thought eating an ashtray would have been the worst of it, but it turns out the poor guy can't even masturbate. He spent twenty minutes aggressively rubbing his shin.
  • And finally, the News Crew Battle Royale. I won't ruin it for you, but this shit is epic. I can't decide which squad is my favorite, but I'm torn between The History Channel and the BBC. 

Boooooooooooo!
  • Drake. Not that he's here, but that he's only here for a minute (if that).
  • Sweet Jesus, did I kind of hate everything about Brick in this one. Occasionally I might have been not furious, but I almost felt bad for Carell at times.
  • Speaking of...what the shit Kristen Wiig? You gotta dial that shit down, lady.
  • You get Greg Kinnear and that's all he does? (see also: Harrison Ford)
  • I know he was supposed to suck, but that kid made Jake Lloyd look like Haley Joel Osment. 
  • That little scene where they freak out at their (hot ass) boss was beyond stupid.
  • As was Ron's weird anti-voodoo stance.
  • That dinner table scene was some pretty cringe-worthy stuff. Damn, all those serious ass pipe-hittin' bitches.
  • Does Will Ferrell get paid more if he gets to ice skate in a movie?
  • Or sing? What the Hell was that ode all about?
  • And speaking of, never did I think I would ever Boo someone bottle-feeding a baby shark, but I'm going to. Damn it.
  • And finally, this motherf--king R-rated version. According to an article I found online, it consists of roughly 80% different dialogue? What the f--k is this? An extended edition is bad enough, but if it's really that different, I'm pissed. So much so here's a headline for tomorrow's Access Hollywood: Man sends each Anchorman 2 cast and (crew member) a flat-rate envelope full of his feces.
Obviously, as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert routinely point out, the news industry is ridiculous, and should be made fun of. I mean, any information source driven by ratings and viewership can't really be...hold on..uh huh...two-sixteen yesterday?...Sorry. I was checking my pageviews. Again. Anyway, what I was saying, is that you can't trust anyone for legitimate information when the bottom line is that they're just trying to get your attention. 

It's kind of sad, huh? These unscrupulous a-holes will say just about anything, really. 

Anything.

8 comments:

  1. I'm glad I'm not the only one that hated Kristin Wiig. I could've done without that entire arc. The top 50 "ginies" of all time though, that was hysterical. Great review!

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    1. Seriously, she sucks. And I typically like her shtick.

      An eleven part series...so, sooooo great.

      Thanks!

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  2. The commentary about news was a welcome surprise for this one I thought. It had a ton of comedic potential which helped.

    Yeah not enough Brian Fontana, and too much Brick for sure. Lindsay suggested that it could have been much funnier for Brick to hook up with a genius.

    So you watched the theatrical cut right? I wonder if the R version is worth checking out.

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    1. I was completely surprised, too. The first one was more about sexism in the workplace, which was a good scenario for comedy, but I actually liked this premise better.

      Lindsay was spot on. Putting him with someone, that was somehow dumber, simply didn't work. They probably should have just nixed Brick entirely. (though that probably would have pissed me off, too)

      I might track it down if I can, not sure why Redbox even has the PG-13 version. Bastards.

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  3. Have to see this soon. Rodriguez-Rodriguez??? I'm sure she was a great and wise instructor, but that's just dumb.

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    1. She was honestly an incredibly kick-ass professor...but, yeah? None of understood that bullshit.

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  4. Did they throw the dog off the bridge again? Cause that was seriously horrifying in the first one. I wasn't a fan of the first film but I did like Rudd's character, he was hilarious. I may actually see this one soon, it's been a while since I saw a decent new comedy.

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    1. As far as i can recall, not only does Baxter not get injured, but I'm pretty sure he saves the day. And for a second...I was pretty sure he was going to get eaten by a shark.

      Rudd is awesome, as always. Seems like he's having even more fun this time, if that's even possible.

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