Watch out for his fingers...they make sparkles.

My son has been having a rough go of it lately. Awful nightmares, sleepless nights...rough mornings.

My wife questioned him at dinner the other night, and he immediately broke into tears. Red face, head in his hands, quiet sobbing - the whole bit. Of course, she looks right at me, equally saying/staring to me, What did you take him to? What was the last movie you two saw? (Could that be it?) 

Instantly, I put my hands in the air. No, hun. I promise. There's no way that movie could have given him a nightmares. No. Way.

I mean, that movie? The last movie we saw together?

It was a dream.

Loki is basically a massive dick on this poster.

Thor: Ragnorok was everything I/we hoped it would be...and more. Maybe a little too much more, in fact. Me and the boy had been waiting patiently to see it on the big screen since that rad trailer debuted months back, and it's safe to say, it didn't disappoint either of us.

Miraculously caught on opening night (we had to be ready to give up our seats if someone, er, (st)rolled in), the third Thor flick opens with the God of Thunder in the worst hammock ever, captured by some giant lava-monster thing, likely planning on world domination. There's some witty banter, a few extremely solid jokes (the spinning!), a few moments before Thor frees himself and kicks all kinds of ass. It's funny, cool as Hela to look at, and is a perfect five minute snapshot of what will happen in the next two plus hours.

Honestly (/annoyingly, I know), if I have any gripe with Taika Waititi's kickass entry into the MCU, it's the fact that here, in the third Thor flick, this sumbitch is over two hours long. I enjoyed my time in and around Sakaar (can something be sexily downtrodden?), but I think I would have been cool if Mr. Waititi hadn't added those thirty-plus minutes after Comi-Con. Unless, those minutes belonged to Korg, of course. Cause that motherf--ker's like, mandatory.


Outside of the overwhelming girth, ahem, I'm stoked as f--k that Ragnarok is making a killing at the box office. Hey, I was all about the serious side of comic book movies for a minute or two like the rest of you sullen bastards, but I accept this lighthearted trend with open arms. And open pants. Hemsworth and Ruffalo are fantastic as always, and their good time is certainly ours, too, but Tessa Thompson (rowr) and Jeff Goldblum damn near steal the show, if not the whole (second-tier?) MCU.

I probably wont ever get a tattoo...or a van with a mattress in the back...
But if I decided to get either one...I'm pretty sure the above image would be involved.

Speaking of the ultimate B-squad, let's check in with the long-dormant Yays and Boos. If you just so happen to be one of the three people on this planet concerned about our absenteeism lately, there's some good news and bad news. The bad news? I have roughly seven students that are so utterly soul-consuming, I can barely muster the strength to open my laptop's screen, let alone mash on its keys for an hour. The good news? Very soon, I'm going to have seven days (straight) without seeing them, so blog away I shall. Wait. That's the good news? 

Ooh, look what you made me do. Look what you made me do.

Yaaaaaaaa...

...aaaaaaaay!

• Here we go. - Matty, the moment Ragnarok started.
• You could see it coming a mile away, but that massive dragon's head coming through the portal was hysterical.
• I guess when Will Hunting went west to go see about a girl...he just kept driving...to Asgard. And got involved in community theater. 
• I hate selfies. Like, everything about them. But...if I saw Thor in NYC, we're totally taking one. Though we gotta make sure it's from the waist up, 'cause that might be awkward.
• I've heard some shit about how Hela isn't a good villain (or, is a typical Marvel baddie), but I ain't hearing any of that noise. Give me a sexy, multi-antlered Cate Blanchett any day of the week. And as my grandfather used to say, And twice on Sunday. Though I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about The Goddess of Death.
• So...we're getting a Valkyrie movie, right? RIGHT?? She had me the second she fell off that platform. The rest was pure...bonus. Fine, er too.
• While it may have been a wee short on action, any time that people fight each other, it's the best thing ever made. Brilliant slo-mo, the raddesr f--king soundtrack ever, it's a psychedelic symphony of chaos. Hela vs. the Asgard Army, Hulk vs. Thor, Heimdall vs. everyone, whatever - it's all incredible. But, that last one? Holy. Shit. I'm pretty sure my hot spring flowed, whatever (horrible thing) that means.
• That theme park ride looked like fun. Here's hoping they put that in Disney...in 2042, when I finally have enough money to take two kids there.
• Hoe much fun is Jeff Goldblum having? And not just here, but like, in life? It makes me want to gently touch his cheek...uh...or something.
• Clearly, more Taika Waititi is a great thing, but I've got my fingers crossed that we gonna get more Rachel House, too. It's probably criminal how much I love this woman.
• I didn't get a chair.
• I've already mentioned Korg, but f--k it, I'm doing it again. I'm actually glad that guy didn't print enough pamphlets. Wouldn't have been the same without him.
• I'm going to cheer for the Stan Lee cameo as long as I can. I think it's a rule, right?
• Those random soldier guys had the coolest uniforms ever. I fact, just about everybody in every scene looked badass, you know?
• Dude, I almost got choked up with some of those random Asgardians paying the ultimate sacrifice. What the Hell is wrong with me? Oh, right. I know this one: A lot.
• And finally, uh, Thor takes his shirt off for basically two seconds. The (overly-chatty) 55 year old woman sitting next to my son? I'm pretty sure I heard her vagina implode. Honestly, there was an audible noise. I think her and her friend, if they ever met Hemsworth, would probably attempt their own version of the Get Help! plan.

Look at that handsome face. It's so...symmetrical.

Boooooooooooo!

• Scourge says he got his guns in Texas, and they're named 'Dez' and 'Troy'. I thought this was a rad Dallas Cowboys reference. Yeah, sometimes I'm so smart...I'm a f--king idiot.
• For a split second, I was stoked to see Dr. Strange. Then I remembered how worthless he is.
• Uh, remember those peeps in Thor's [moderately lame] crew? F--k 'em. Guess their contracts were up.
• I will never, ever, jeer a giant, menacing wolf that eats bitches for breakfast. I will jeer, always, the under-utilization of the aforementioned giant, menacing wolf.
• Turns out my son isn't a fan of Hulk bashing Thor's head into the ground with repeated blows to the face. Uh...my bad.
• Does anyone else find it odd that Asgard has as many green guys as it does black guys?
• Oh, and speaking of Hulk, I probably could have gone without seeing his ass. 
• I think Point Break is a pretty sweet nickname, though I'm not sure Thor agrees.
• The Devil's Anus, you say? I wasn't sure that's what it was called...good thing they said it five thousand times.
• Apparently, I loved the snake story. The Boo? I can't remember what it was.
• Was it me or are the citizens of Asgard the slowest evacuees in the f--king galaxy? Move, you handsome a-holes.
• And finally, I have to stop looking forward to the stingers so damn much. Each time I'm sitting there, nerd-boner in hand...and I wait...and I wait...and then? That's it?!? I'm not sure why I keep expecting Wesley Snipes to cut a vampire's dick off, removes his shades and growl through fanged teeth, I'm back, motherf--kers...but I still do. Every. Single. Time.

Back to us sitting there at dinner, right? Let's pick it up where my wife shoots me the look (go ahead and glare at your reflection in your phone to set the mood), shall we?

I've quickly shot down the Ragnarok theory, but my son is sitting next to me, inconsolable. My wife is needling him, trying to get a response. What's wrong? What was the nightmare about, Matthew? And just as I say Was it about Thor? my wife says Was it about Dad? and instantly his head springs up. It seems the nightmare is about me. Dying. At least that's his devastated face is implying.

See it didn't have anything to do with the latest Thor movie.

It was just a nightmare about living your life after your dad dies.

Totally unconnected.