Thursday, March 15, 2018

This will be a game night to remember.

She f--king loves board games.

Maybe even the occasional video game, too, (I have the late eighties photos of her enthusiastically face down in a Game Boy), but a board games are definitely her thing. Just make sure you have enough time for her to thoroughly read the directions. Aloud. Then, and only then, can we proceed.

But she just likes to play, you know? Winning, well that's completely unnecessary to her, and pretty much besides the point. It's all about spending time together. Having something

Sitting on the other end of the spectrum, er, couch is me. Her husband. And when it comes to games, I greatly prefer video to board. But regardless of the medium, unlike my lovely wife, I play to f--king win. At all costs, dammit.

Well, kind of. I play games mainly so, in the name of competition, I can be an asshole and talk shit.

And you can talk a lot more shit when you win. 

If these are the choices, I call red.
I know it's early, but if I see a funnier movie this year than Game Night, I probably won't make it out of the theater alive. Turns out, it's pretty hard to breathe when you're laughing your ass off.

Max and Annie (Bateman and McAdams) are the perfect couple. Too bad they'd greatly prefer to be the perfect parents instead. It seems ol' Max is shooting blanks, and it may have something to do with his overly competitive nature. The guy simply tries to hard at everything. Including of course, party games, a love he and Annie have shared since the day they met.

When it comes to games, King Kong ain't got shit on Max. But the one larger-than-life creature he could never defeat is his older brother Brooks, a handsome and charming guy who's just that much better than everything. What a dick, right?, actually. Brooks is pretty f--king awesome.

As is his version of game night, that Max and Annie begrudgingly attend (along with two other couples), eschewing the traditional festivities at their own house. Shocking no one, Brooks' game promises to be bigger and better, as it's apparently a hyper-realistic murder-mystery/escape room type of thing. Like, holy shit, right? This is way more intense than pretzels and charades at Max's house. Those guys that stormed in and kidnapped Brooks? They really looked real. 

Damn, Brooks. This is going to be, like, so much fun!

Let's just say that Ryan (Billy Magnussen) isn't that...quick.
It's not much of a spoiler to say that Brooks' plan gets royally f--ked, as there's basically a game within a game...within a game? Each couple ends up racing against one another in an effort to solve the mystery of who kidnapped Brooks, and in the process, plays their own version of a popular game along the way. One couple is essentially playing Guess Who? all night, another playing a totally gross/f--king hysterical round of Operation, and the last couple slogging through something akin to Mystery Date. While I enjoyed the time with each couple, Max and Annie are the easy standout. In the same way that Rose Byrne stole Neighbors [review] from everyone, McAdams walks away with Game Night. There are two scenes in particular, where I thought I was going to die I was laughing so hard. Who knew Regina George was so funny?

Speaking of...the direct are those painfully unfunny bastards, the Yays and Boos. You might notice that there aren't exactly a lot of either this time around, and that has nothing to do with the quality of the film, more the fact that I couldn't stop laughing long enough to jot anything down.

This is Gary.
Gary needs his own movie.

  • That opening montage of Max and Annie's relationship was perfect. 
  • If you used to watch Friday Night Lights like I did, you sure as shit enjoyed seeing Coach Taylor and Landry Clarke sharing the screen again. And yes, Kyle Chandler is awesome in everything, but the MVP of this team? Oh, it's totally Jesse Plemons, playing Gary the creepy neighbor. Just thinking of any moment of this film with Plemons in it, instantly cracks me up. I'm sure his performance won't be as funny the second time, but f--k it. Maybe it'll be better the third time. Or the fourth.
  • Brooks' Tony Stark house is pretty f--king nice. 
  • Jeffrey Wright!! I'm convinced this guy has never been in a bad movie.
  • Okay, that kidnapping sequence? So unreal. I couldn't stop laughing. And wincing. Goodness, that shit was brutal!
  • I'm not sure there's anything better than someone thinking their holding a fake gun in a real hostage situation that they think is fake.            Go ahead, read it again. I'm pretty sure it works.
  • Tommy Lee Jones. From now on, if I don't know the answer to a question...this is what I'm going with. (I wouldn't even be remotely mad at my wife, by the way)
  • I have never, ever laughed that much at something that disgusting. Tears were actually streaming down my face (and when she taps it???? I almost pissed my pants)
  • There are some really, really good references here. My favorite is probably the CEO of Cyberdine comment, but there are a few good Pulp Fiction nods, too. Well played, everyone.
  • Oh, no. He died. 
  • And finally, this is supposed to be a silly comedy, right? Well f--k me sideways, the direction is outstanding. Visually, there is some insanely inspired shit going on here, most notably the rad as f--k overheads that make the real world seem like the game of Life. Maybe even more impressive, dig that Faberge egg scene. That motherf--ker is fantastically staged. 
My wife totally has a thing for Bateman.
Which I'm totally okay with, honestly.
  • Yeah, those were the worst Ed Norton clues in the history of forever.
  • Man, locking Kevin and Michelle in the room? That's some dirty trickeration right there. Good thing they had a lot to talk about...
  • The next time I think I see a famous actor at a gas station...I'm asking for ID.
  • Okay, it was funny. Really, really funny. But the bit with the dog...and the blood? So f--king gross, too. *gagging sound*
  • MOVIE RULE # 290: If you see a henchmen near a jet engine, it's probably not going to end well. Poor guy. He was so complimentary...
  • And finally, I know I've played this card before, but what the f--k, America? This f--king movie should have been a runaway hit. We need more R-rated comedies, guys. Help a brother out, for f--k's sake. I'd rather see Game Night 2 instead of Daddy's Home 3, you know? (it's totally going to happen, I'm sure of it).
I'm not sure if it's technically a board game, but we've been playing a shit-ton of something called DropMix. It's kind of this weird-ass musical card game, that for whatever reason, both my kids and my wife enjoy equally. 

But when the kids go to bed, oh it's on with my wife. We've go at it like a couple of teenagers. Wait, this is a board game. That should read, we go at it like a couple of octogenarians. 

The problem is, like I've said, she just likes the strategy (and occasionally, the music) of the game. She isn't interested in winning. 

Which f--king sucks, you know...because...

...I can't beat her. 


  1. I wanna see this one! I always listen to Cliff Martinez"s scores and I already checked this one out - it's great and it's so unusual he scored a comedy

    1. You can't have too much comedy.

    2. I'm gonna buy my mom a ticket to it tomorrow. If she likes it, you know it's gold.

      I didn't know who Cliff Martinez was, so I had to look him up. Totally weird that he scored this...but if I remember correctly, it's pretty f--king cool.

    3. Oh, I'm totally with you Greg. Unless you're a teacher. And your students are being funny. Then it's totally possible.

  2. Great review! I loved this movie, and I fully agree that Gary should have his own movie. Jesse Plemons is a beast, and he was absolutely the MVP of this flick.

    1. Thanks, AW. I thought this movie was not only funny, but slick as Hell.

      And Plemons is f---king ridiculous here. From the first second he appears on screen, we all pretty much know he came to play.

  3. oh my God that dog bit was the funniest. When he started licking the blood I was already laughing but then when Bateman was trying to wash it off and made it so much worse and the dog was just so super chill during all of this I almost exploded. I'm the opposite to you here because the arm stitching business grossed me out a bit, especially when she got to the bone jesus christ

    Kevin's references were my favorite. When he said that is some Django Unchained bullshit in the basement that was so funny. And yeah that egg throwing scene was incredibly well shot.