Friday, February 8, 2019

This will be my final evaluation.

Seeing a great movie, with a bunch of people? That's an A night.
Seeing a decent movie...alone in a mostly empty theater? When you're my age, that's a B night.

And seeing a movie where you demand some sort of earth-shattering twist ending? Yep, you guessed it.

That's an M Night.

After setting the theater ablaze with the twist ending of 2016's kickass Split [review], writer/director M. Night Shyamalan's tying up loose ends with Glass, (what may or may not be) the final entry in his brilliantly subversive superhero trilogy. Starting (cue LaBamba) in the year two-thoooooooouuuuusand with Unbreakable, this trilogy, is equal parts incredible and inexplicable.  And while I may have been just a tad disappointed with the end of this story, I'm more than psyched at could be next. 

But more on that in a bit. 

After the reveal of The Horde near the end of Split, Glass opens with an even more grizzled David Dunn patrolling the streets of Philadelphia. He's looking for whatever the Hell The Horde is, and would like to find him/it before four missing high school cheerleaders are served up to the beast as breakfast, lunch and dinner (and fourthmeal, I suppose).

Unfortunately, after tracking down his arch enemy and freeing the girls, the ensuing brouhaha spills out into the streets, and both David and Kevin/The Horde are captured and taken to a psychiatric facility. Along with an totally incapacitated Mr. Glass who's already a resident, all three will serve as involuntary subjects in a hush-hush medical study. The goal? To fix people who share the same seemingly psychotic belief that they are anything than more than regular a-holes from Philly. Meaning? Dr. Ellie Staple, the program's director, wants to de-super these superheroes.
As intriguing as this setup may be, the idea that Dr. Staple is actually offering these three wackos help, from the jump there's an overwhelming sense that something decidedly more sinister is in play. And when her true intentions are revealed, well, that's where the line is drawn for how you'll ultimately feel about Glass. Unless Betty Buckley's got a tattoo that I didn't see, then this ending kinda comes out of nowhere, you know? [but if I go back and she does have that tattoo then these are my favorite films of all f--king time, hands down].

Security footage of David Dun at the IKEA in Conshohocken.
Assuming you've seen the other two films and you're sitting down for the third, it's safe to say that you're a fan of this story, these characters (and the actors that portray them). In that sense, Glass is an overwhelming success (I could watch McAvoy play this character forever). But as the capper to what some could consider an epic trilogy, the ending, like in almost all Shyamalan films, is going to be nothing short of divisive. 

Also splitting the audience in half, are the Yays and Boos. On the one side, you have the people that absolutely hate every word they've ever read concerning those two a-holes. And on the other? The illiterate and those without decent WiFi.

I'm feeling something coming to the light,
but I'm not sure it's another personality.

  • Even if it occasionally veers into parlor trick territory, I'm all for McAvoy just letting it fly with all the personalities. 
  • Speaking of, the only thing better than Hedwig, is, you guessed it,  Hedwig on rollerskates. 
  • Wasn't sure we'd see Jai again, but I'm glad we did (though I imagined he'd be a bit more distraught, right?)
  • While there's not a ton of action, what we get is pretty stellar. Dunn's table save was an insanely clutch move! And while we're here, good luck on that squeeze move. Pretty sure Dunn ain't bothered in the least.
  • Fingers crossed the next film is called Casey. And it stars just Anya Taylor-Joy. And runs just over four and a half hours long.
  • They typically don't stay with me (I'm a moron, I know), but I really dug the score for Glass. Totally had a Hitchcock vibe...
  • Wow. It's pretty cool to see Spencer Treat Clark all grown up. Bonus points for the fact that he looks a less a-hole version of Randall from Clerks.
  • My God, when Hedwig meets Glass? Is there anything better?
  • I'm all in for Bruce Willis prepping for an explosive showdown at Nakatomi, er, Osaka. (I see you M. Night)
  • While they used a lot of it in the trailer, the epic battle out front of the psychiatric facility was pretty cool. The Horde f--king chucking guys was impressive, as was that shot of him lifting up the cop car.
  • And finally, the ending. It may not have been the twist I was hoping for, but to put it mildly, I didn't see THAT coming. Hopefully, a future film (or two) will make this ending, uh...worth it.
If I was still allowed/able to go to prom, well...
...this is exactly the look I'd be going for.
  • Man, those 'Superman punch' guys were real dicks.
  • Dude, why are the cops sweating David Dunn? I've spent enough time in Philly to know that they could use some vigilante justice. A lot, actually.
  • My wife and I rewatched Split before this. Turns out, I really needed to rewatch Unbreakable. (Dunn had psychic powers? For real?)
  • Casey's an odd bird to say the least. I'm not sure how I feel about her, um, feelings, but it's safe to say that I'm totally f--king jealous.
  • There was a pretty long stretch of Glass that, uh, didn't feature Glass.
  • I am here to discuss the possibility that you are mistaken is the nicest way ever of telling a group of people that they're f--king psychos.
  • Yo, I've always hated vomit-inducing rides like the Dark Cyclone. And that was before they were basically the impetus for world-ending villainy. Like, way before.
  • Guys, this psychiatric facility, like almost all featured in movies, is just the worst. Staff full of murderous a-holes? Check. Complete lack of awareness of the previous evening's misdeeds? 10-4. Impossibly slow response by the authorities? You betcha. It's the whole trifecta, honestly.
  • Speaking of, no one questions the lady from Paddington? Are you kidding me?
  • I'd like to think that I uh, misremembered something, but I checked around and I didn't. That's what's gonna kill ________? A f--king ____________?
  • And finally, that ending. Like I've already said, if we get something else, if we get another (really good) film, than it's all worth it. But if that's how this whole story ends, like for real for real, well, we're gonna have a problem.
I actually am very excited about seeing Glass again, with the hopes that I can pick up on the countless Easter eggs that I'm sure are littered throughout the film. And while I'm at it, I'll probably re-watch Unbreakable and Split too. Hell, maybe watch 'em all back-to-back-to-back when I get the chance. But being that these aren't necessarily kid-friendly, I'll have to do it after my little ones go to bed. Meaning that the ultimate M. Night... also going to be a long night.


  1. Ha! Your opening to this review is perfect, I love it.
    I have to admit, the twist caught me off guard, but it was SO disappointing. I don't know what I expected...but it wasn't that.
    To be honest with those tattoos I was hoping the whole thing was actually just tying itself in with the Cloverfield franchise!

    1. YEessssss! Thank you so much.

      I think the twist caught EVERYONE off guard, because it doesn't make all that much sense....yet????

      Tattoo and Cloverfield? EXPLAIN YOURSELF. (sorry, I forget most of Cloverfield)

  2. OMG that year 2000 bit! That was hilarious. You and Conan are the only two men who never fail to make me laugh

    1. That is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said on this site. Ever.

  3. LOL, this gave me a laugh! I liked this one. It's the lesser of the trilogy, which is not saying anything truly negative when both Unbreakable and Split are semi-masterpieces in their own genres (I mean, Unbreakable is one of the single greatest superhero films ever made and Split is nearly a pitch perfect horror film), but I really liked it overall. McAvoy is just on fire. I'm still sore that he didn't get any awards traction at all for Split, since his performance was a revelation. And Hedwig, yes...but Hedwig on roller-skates...YASSSSSSSS!

    1. Thanks, Drew.

      It probably is the lesser of the trilogy, but I had enough fun with it that I'm okay with that (but, damn, imagine if this had been the best one?). And I totally agree about McAvoy...maybe it's too gimmicky or something, but it's sooooo good, you know?

      YES! Hedwig needs his own prequel trilogy.

  4. Loved this review! I agree that the table save was a great moment. I wanted more of that kind of stuff here.

    1. Thanks, AW. I can't say I didn't enjoy it, and I assume I'll like it even more the second time, but yeah, man. Seemed a bit too restrained, even if that's kind of a hallmark of M. Night flicks.