Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Dude, I'm just pissed that you don't suck.

Regarding the need to be popular in high school, I heard it once described as running for mayor of a town that won't exist in four years. Not that I harbor any resentment for my high school days or anything (I don't in the least), but that same sentiment easily applies to many of the days after graduation. There are a lot of things we put time into, f--king lose our minds over, that simply won't matter in the end.

There's two main ways to go about this monumental wasting of time. You can plan, scheme, and bitch your way into making things just so. Or you can simply avoid any and all confrontation. Who needs to have a big discussion? Who needs closure?

Instead of swimming against the current, instead of taking on that massive Perfect Storm wave every single day of your life (which some people seem to relish), you can just spread your arms and legs out wide and go with the f--king flow. Yeah, you might hit some rocks along the way, but sometimes just floating around? feels pretty f--king good.


Save the Date, an indie rom-com from 2012, takes a look at that seemingly arduous time of pseudo-adulthood, known by some of us as those fantastically underappreciated years before getting married and having kids, or for short: your twenties. You'll never understand how truly amazing (and precious) that time is until it's gone, but there's basically nothing you can do except totally f--king waste it. I know I certainly did.

Sarah (the lovely Lizzy Caplan) and Beth (Alison Brie, also lovely) are sisters. And opposites. Sarah is cruising through life with her lead-singer boyfriend Kevin (the gangly Geoffrey Arend), while Beth is waging war on the rest of the planet whilst planning her wedding to Andrew... the drummer in Kevin's band. 

Sarah seems like a chick that would dig the front-man of groovy local band, as she's this laid back cartoonist/book-store manager type, essentially the lowest of the low-key. It's a little less convincing, however, that not only would the uptight Beth ever be caught dead in a club that would feature a group like Wolf Bird, let alone opting to f--king marry a member. But hey, what do I know? The ladies love them some bearded musicians.

Despite being told to abort mission, ol' Kevin decides, after a killer set, to publicly propose to Sarah. And it's not much of a spoiler to tell's a f--king disaster, and the final nail in the coffin of their moments-prior normal relationship. Sarah moves out and moves on, mostly, leaving the shaggy vocalist a Muppet of a man.

Before any wounds could potentially heal, Sarah goes all Dennis Rodman and recklessly chases the loose board in the name of this curious little (well, except where it counts) dude named Jonathan (played by the always rad Mark Webber). They hit it off immediately, and Jonathan appears to be the perfect guy. Like, everyone thinks so, even f--king Kevin digs this guy. But like that sad, confusing, person you know (or are), Sarah begins to cool off as things begin to heat up, for reasons she probably could never understand (let alone us, the audience).

Watch out, man. That pussy will tear you up.
See, Sarah is watching  her sister 'grow up' and doesn't really want a piece of that pie, yet, and/or possibly ever. Sure, Beth's maniacal planning (and impossibly deaf ears) is off-putting, and ultimately reeks of selfishness and self-absorption, but Sarah is playing that same game a different way. She's just not so upfront about it.

Even though six days passed between the moment my wife and I started and finished it, Save the Date was certainly entertaining and worth a look. Each character feels like someone you could have been (or been with) when you were younger (unless of course you are young, to which I say f--k you, you lucky f--ker), and there's a charming authenticity to the entire production.

Not charming, and hardly authentic, are the Yays and Boos. These two started an indie band to meet some ladies, but it turns out they couldn't sing. Or make actual music. And were ugly as f--k. But yeah...they still totally got laid. Wait, what?

This is show people who are newly dating sit together....
  • Sarah, despite being a bit of a flake, is at times, brutally honest. I will leave coffee cups everywhere...with just a little coffee in each of them. (I just scornfully stared at my then-awake wife) [fellas, this is something that's cute early in a relationship....but later? Oh, you'll see]
  • You got to have goals, right? Well, Jonathan, it appears, wants to see every band with Wolf in the title. This I respect. See also: Jonathan's dance moves.
  • The term Boner Alert
  • Okay, this actually a Boo, but I have to applaud its soul-crushing authenticity. Sarah has been out of town for a little bit, and she comes home to dinner in the oven and Jonathan fresh out of the shower. Jonathan has one thing on his mind. Sarah? She has a million things on her mind. The result? Yikes.
  • Band Guy, dropping truths.
  • And finally, for something I stumbled into skulking around the depths of Netflix Hell, I want to hi-five just about everyone involved in this production. Typically I add something like Save the Date to my queue and it either a) sits there forever or b) gets started and never finished. But as the days passed, I maintained an intense curiosity about how this movie would end. Oh, and speaking of the ending...
...and this is how married people brush their teeth together.

  • Bringing over dirty dishes in a box? This is a Boo because I'm pretty sure not only have I brought over dirty dishes...but I think I moved with dirty dishes.
  • I don't even know when I'm not farting. Dude. Girls don't fart. I don't even think they can [just kidding...they totally can].
  • So, as I may have mentioned once or nine-thousand times...I don't drink. And after watching this movie? I think I made the right call.
  • Andrew realizes that once he gets married, the only way he'll ever be alone again is if he dies or his wife does. Bummer, indeed.
  • I know lead singers can wear whatever the f--k they want, but a f--king kimono? C'mon now. I'm pretty sure my mom wants that back when you're done, a-hole.
  • Hung up on your ex? Pretty sure one way to get over her is to sleep with that chick at the bar. Just a thought...(and if it doesn't help? still placed your penis in and around someone there's that)
  • The only thing worse than hearing it isn't yours is following that up with are you sure? Damn.
  • I'm all for punching your ex-girlfriend's Replacement Dick in the face. But not if he works in a totally rad aquarium. Fish don't need to see that shit.
  • I still don't know why it's called Save the Date. Like, I get the obvious reason...but is there another I'm missing? 
  • And finally, the totally abrupt ending. You sit through an emotional rollercoaser, and just when you're about to get some answers? Black screen, credits, f--k you and the horse you rode in on. 
Wait. You can just end a project mid-sentence and not even bother trying to tie it all together with some larger point or closing remark?

But that's


  1. I've tried to watch this but can't seem to finish it. I like the cast though, so might give it another try (although iffy about abrupt endings, I hate it when things end when it's finally starting to get good).

    1. Hahaha...yeah, I have a few things in my queue that for whatever reason, I simply can't finish. Like no matter what mood I'm in...the movie starts and my brain enters sleep mode.

      The ending is crazy abrupt. might even be mid-sentence.

  2. "Fish don't need to see this shit?" Ha ha! Beautiful review, Mario. This sounds like something I might enjoy. I can watch this, drink, and reminisce on my misspent youth, now that--gulp--one of my kids is in her twenties.

    Hey, if you ever start feeling down about your lost youth, think about me -- I am now nostalgic about when I was YOUR age.

    1. Thank you very much. I think I wrote too much (as usual), but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      I definitely think you will like thie one, and I'd love to hear what your oldest thought of it as well/ You know...*whispering* the one in her...twenties.

      Oh, and for future divorce proceedings, I just want to clarify that I wasted my twenties with my wife. Like, together. Shit...this is getting worse isn't it? I mean, we wasted it...together. Does that make sense?

  3. That DVD cover suggests boring rom com but I really like that cast. I think I'll check it out after reading this.

    1. Nah, I think you'll dig it. It's charming and is pretty f--king funny at times. The cast is great, too. Caplan and Brie have excellent sisterly chemistry. And don't you like Webber?

  4. I've almost watched this several times, but changed my mind. Didn't look interesting enough for me to actually press play. After this review I might watch just so that

    1. Do it! It's not going to change your life, but it's a solid flick. You could give it the ol' Quick and Dirty treatment, you know?