I told you, my man Brad just crushes ass.

Mike Judge gets a pass. No matter what. Not even counting his legendary television work, the man behind Office Space gets the benefit of the doubt. Despite having a limited directorial resume (three live-action films), the guy is clearly a genius. Clearly. However...between you and me, I pretty much hated Idiocracy. The concept was brilliant, but I found the movie to be fairly, um, shitty. I want to blame it on my disdain for Dax Shepard, but I think the film simply didn't work. Maybe I need to see it again. Or, maybe it's a turd.

This nonsense brings me to last night's feature, 2009's Extract. Having a terrific cast gets this film as far as it does, but overall the movie doesn't deliver. I wanted to like it. I did. It's charming. It moves quickly. But, get this: it's not very funny. It has it's moments, but at best - you'll smile. Maybe a chuckle. Perhaps even a titter. Yeah. I went titter.

Obviously, I don't have much to say about this one. The whole movie might actually be about men losing their balls. Both a literal and figurative sense. See, one character gets his sack torn from him in a freak accident at the factory. The other, has such little stones that he considers insulating the bathroom so he can masturbate in peace, instead of confronting the bigger problem of his diminishing sex life. 

Affleck, you the bomb in Phantoms, yo..

Again, just like Idiocracy, the premise is there. It really is. Something is missing, though. And I think Judge is to blame. As I've mentioned, the cast is stellar. Teen Wolf, also, Jason Bateman, Spidey's boss J.K Simmons, caveman Ben Affleck, and Kelso's ex, Mila Kunis. Judge even makes his patented cameo. Oh, I should mention that my wife swears that Danny Devito is also in this. If he is, he plays the pivotal role of Mexican Factory Worker #7, and will appear in the background for about three seconds. I expect more from you, Penguin.

Nice bongos.

Despite this one basically sucking, here are some bright spots:

• Mila Kunis - I think we've got some DushFactor here, but she is lookin' good, friends. Very nice.
• Affleck! Seems like he showed up for a day, had some drinks, and created this character. Looked like a gigantic, homeless Jack Johnson.
• I watched an episode of The Simpsons right before this. Chief Wiggum calls 911 from his desk and is frustrated to find that it's busy. Very similar joke here. Very.

And with that, I bid you good evening.