Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Man, are you hungry? I haven't eaten since later this afternoon.

When I was visiting my cousins in Connecticut a few weeks back, we happened upon Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on TV (in between episodes of Hillbilly Handfishin', sweet Jesus). Patrick and I were discussing how incredibly hot Hermione would grow up to be when my oldest cousin, Ken, decided to ruin our good times. His method? The old time travel question. "Who throws the rock?" Well, they do, obviously. "But who threw it the first time?" They did. "But they haven't time-traveled yet." But they will, that's the point. "Impossible." I'll spare you the rest, because this conversation, like many between family, ran entirely too long and got way too heated. Four college-educated men bickering over the time travel aspect, yet fully accepting of say, Hagrid. Absurd. Do women actually argue over imaginary things? Oh, wait. Of course they do.

What happens if you actually understand what they're saying?
Wow, you made it through that paragraph. Congrats. I was going to just type poop and racial slurs, but since you're still here...let's get on with it.

The point I'm trying to illustrate is that time travel is the biggest mindf--k of them all. When it's a few fleeting moments in a Potter flick - that's one thing. But when it's the crux of an extremely heady scientific movie? I don't even know. No, really. I have no clue. I'm pretty sure I watched a movie about guys creating a legitimate way to time travel, but honestly, by the end, I had no f--king clue. Maybe I fell asleep at a bus station and had a vision while a homeless man curbstomped me. Either way, my head hurts. A lot.

Primer came to me by way of one of the smarter people I know, Father Flem. Perhaps in the morning he'll explain it to me. When he does, I'll probably nod a few times, ask a simple follow up question to feign comprehension. Or, I'll just punch him in the balls as soon as I see him. Should clear things up.

In the garage, I feel safe. No one cares about my ways.
Look, this movie isn't totally incomprehensible, but it's definitely work. It was fairly easy to follow for the first half, but things spiral into madness after that. When you routinely question what the Hell is going on here? it can dampen the mood a bit. Maybe you should watch it with someone super-intelligent. Me? I watched it alone.

In it's favor, this flick only runs 77 minutes (a big plus around these parts) including credits. Though, I must mention, these credits are like few I've ever seen. They run probably a minute total. Apparently it only took like, eight people to fully create this dragon-punch to the brain. Oh, and the internet says only $7,000, too. Regardless of how you feel about the final product, those numbers should impress you.

Just like Emma Watson, or catching a fish with your bare hands...


  1. 'Catching a fish with your bare hands' sounds like a euphemism to me; even more so when in the same sentence as Emma Watson. Like 'stabbing the cat', or indeed 'feeding the ducks'.

  2. The Sister (who is too lazy to start her own blog)March 11, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    I certainly remember being the cockiest douche in the room when my friends and I watched Primer. I was your classic first timer, boasting that a movie can't be that difficult to understand (and I thought Donnie Darko was impressive). Oh, and my friends? Physics students, engineers, and computer programmers. Most have these kids had seen Primer five or six times. My friend Rowan was on his eleventh viewing and he was still "ooh that makes so much sense now!!"ing throughout the movie.
    I really am tempted to be a cheater and just study the guide and that way I can tell people that not only have I only seen it once, but I totally get it. I JUST WANT TO BE COOL.
    Or, I'll see how many views it takes me before I just rip my own eyes out.

    I totally want to ser the notes you took for this movie. They must be hilarious.

    1. Remember when we watched Playtime? The word on the street was that it gets better every time you see it. But, it was so laborious to watch that flick that we both felt that once was enough...

      That's where I'm at with Primer (granted, the runtime is glorious). Maybe pieces come together in a mind-blowing fashion, but I don't think I can stomach it.

      It's like retaking the S.A.T's. Might help, but ultimately, F that noise.

  3. NO WAY. I took the S.A.T.'s four times and had a blast each time (and no, not the kind of blast a gun makes when fired through someone's skull). I like actively cranking my brain to the points of exhaustion. Primer the second time around is actually much less of a burden. I was prepared for the same beating as I got the first time around, and ended up feeling sooo triumphant when I realized that I was able to pin point three separate time lines (when you consult the graph, you find there are plenty more. But I'll let you do your own reading on it).
    Watching Playtime is like watching paint dry: there is a ton of meticulous events happening, and yet they happen on a scale that I just can't see. All of the happenings are..passive. I know they are there, I guess? I assume they are there? But whatever, the smell makes my head hurt.
    Watching Primer? Like playing a video game.

    At least for me.

    Hey, so, why do you think their handwriting deteriorated as the movie progressed?

  4. I might be into seeing it again, I suppose. Maybe watch it with Chef Brown and see what he thinks. That might me interesting.

    As for the handwriting thing...is it as simple as making a copy of a copy of a copy. Eventually, the quality is rather shitty. Yes?

  5. Chef fell asleep during Inception (which I do find a little hilarious. Only a little), so I doubt he could stay awake during Primer. GRANTED, he stayed awake during Brick, which, whether or not you have actually seen it, I know you own it. But Brick is more along the lines of Memento and Irreversible. While we view the timeline in a skewed fashion, the characters still travel through time in a proper, linear fashion (Right? That's how it worked in those movies?)

    And your guess is as good as mine. I assume that's the science behind it, but I don't understand why it only effects their handwriting. I'm going to have to give it another view (third view what what!) to see what other motor skills they lose. Because that would make a bit more sense.