Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I'm building a flamethrower.

Do you remember a time when you and your friends routinely did dumb shit? I mean, the kind of stuff you look back on and are amazed that something really bad didn't happen. An example for me that I hope I'm imagining (but clearly am not) comes from when I was six or seven. See, my deviant older-brother, Bryan, once had me and my friends stand under a ceiling fan he had turned on high. Ooh, scary. Hold on. Bryan then took a sharp knife and threw it up into the rapidly spinning fan blades. It would clang around a couple of times then come firing out with alarming velocity. Nuts, right? Well, so was last night's flick, Bellfower.

The first thing I thought when this was over? I need to see Mad Max again - asap.
Bellflower is a love story. At least that's what I told my wife as we sat down to watch it late last night. I guess it is, but don't expect it to be like any you've ever seen before. Instead of grocery bags full of baguettes and slow dances under majestic fireworks, you're more apt to find homemade flamethrowers and people getting coldcocked. Despite that, my wife hung in there and made it to the end. Impressive.

Also impressive, is writer/director/star of the show Evan Glodell. Glodell stars as Woodrow, the seemingly sweet guy who falls for this hipster chick, Milly, at a cricket eating contest. I know, that last sentence probably throws up nine red flags for you sensible types - but ignore them. This movie is certainly worth seeing, if only to share a few what the f--ks? with whomever is in the room with you. I think my wife and I tallied about a half dozen. But trust me, it's not only the craziness that's the draw - this movie is like no other. That has to be worth something.

The love story here is not only about Woodrow and Milly, no - it's about Woodrow and his best friend, Aiden. I've had some really good friends in my life, but nobody holds a candle (or flamethrower) to the relationship that these two have. Nobody. These two make Frodo and Sam look like two guys who happen to be headed in the same direction. Either one of them would kill for the other. They wouldn't think twice about it.

What I will think twice hitting you in the face with the Yays and Boos, Milly's Shit-style.

No thanks Dad, I already have a Mercedes.
  • It's weird to throw some love to a character from another movie, but you can't argue with Lord Humongous. You just can't.
  • The camera work. Like the title of another movie blog, it's dirty with class.
  • If possible, this movie made flamethrowers even cooler. I know. Blasphemy.
  • I'm not a drinker, but in-dash whiskey is still pretty badass. These guys are pretty damn smart.
  • Dude takes a bat to your post-apocalyptic dream car? There's only one thing to do, bro.
  • I think planning to rule society after the inevitable apocalypse is a solid endeavor. Logical.
  • Okay. I've had some bad days before, but Woodrow's might set the record.
  • And of course, the ending. It's all kind of a blur, but me and the Mrs. were knocked on our asses. I think. I'm not even sure what really happened. But I liked it. Well, I'm pretty sure. Ah, shit.
If this is Courtney, she's the looker of the bunch.
  • Does anybody have a job? I mean, I could probably invent some badass shit if I had absolutely nothing else to do. Well, nothing except...
  • ...getting hammered. Goodness. Everybody drinks all the time. Not in a cool Beerfest way either.
  • Mike. Dude, you're a dick. I hate your face.
  • Milly. You are a heartless bitch. And, you look like a fatter Pink. And maybe a dash of Lori Petty in Tank Girl. A hat-trick of awful, these three.
  • Does our main man, um, turn into a zombie?
BOTTOM LINE: Go for it. This movie might be ridiculously awesome or just plain ridiculous, but the more I think about it, the more I love it. Inspired lunacy at its finest. Much like my brother's twisted game.


  1. Christ, I love Beerfest. Awesome movie.

  2. Two years later... and I want to say that agree fully with your statement.