Friday, May 10, 2019

By the way, Harry, happy birthday...

When I told my wife that Two Dollar Cinema was coming up on its ninth birthday, I followed that up an unintended feeler, one that bordered both a question and a statement. Guess I'll do it for one more year, then finally shut it down ...? She didn't hesitate in her response:

That sounds good. 

Honestly, I get it, as over the years my movie watching has become significantly less irresponsible. Not with what I watch mind you (no chance of that), but how I watch and when I watch. I so hate getting backed up in my posts, that I often won't watch anything for weeks while trying to catch up. It's not a crisis mind you, but rules are rules, even if they are equal parts imaginary and arbitrary.

Okay, enough. It's time to, and I use the word loosely, celebrate. 

In the last calendar year at Two Dollar Cinema, here are the best of the best only to be followed by the worst of the worst. I only managed to see fifty-nine movies for the first time (a career low), but forty-six of them were theatrical showing (thanks, MoviePass [sort of]). I probably set a record for re-watches this year, but for now, who gives a damn about those (/any of this).

As always, don't get too caught up in the order of things, as that would suggest I carefully formulated this list, instead of writing it crudely on a piece of loose-leaf in the back of daughter's tumble class. Daddy, daddyyyyyyyyyyy watch this!

Trust, me Violet. I'm trying to.

1. Avengers: Endgame - I know they have to keep going, and I want them to, but damn... what a way to go out. I'm not crying, it's just the soul stone lodged in my eye.
2. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - Perfection, top to bottom. Miles Morales is my hero. Our hero.
3. Avengers: Infinity War - The fact that that ending was only the beginning still blows my mind.
4. Us - Too bad the title As Above, So Below was already taken. I can't wait to see this again. And again.
5. BlacKkKlansman - Sadly, I can't imagine a time when this movie, set in the early seventies, won't feel current.
6. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation - I'm still mad you guys didn't force me to see this theatrically. Shame!
7. Mission Impossible: Fallout - If he keeps it up, my next top ten list will also feature a memorial to legendary stuntman Tom Cruise. I couldn't me more impressed...and concerned.
8. Deadpool 2: Yes, more comic book movies. But also yes, more Ryan Reynolds. 
9. Searching - A little gimmicky, sure, but what a ride. I will never not love John Cho.
10. Aquaman - Jason Momoa and James Wan did the impossible: they made Aquaman cool. Fingers crossed they can do it again.
Honorable Mention: Hereditary - This might actually be the best movie I saw this year, BUT I WILL NEVER WATCH IT AGAIN. Ever. At least not alone. Or with the lights off. Be gone, demon!

1. Serenity - There's aren't words for this one. Outside of the trio of What,The and F--k.
2. SlenderMan - Coming at the tail end of MoviePass, I was actually kind of happy that was going to the theater was no drastically limited if not entirely impossible.
3. The First Purge - Is suicide legal during the Purge? Oh, it's not real? How about if you do it while watching this movie?
4. Mile 22 - Imagine carpooling with an angry Mark Wahlberg. Everyday. For the rest of your life. But worse.
5. Ocean's 8 - I felt like somebody stole my jewels.
6. Happytime Murders - Oh, so that's what it feels like when a guy sticks his hand up your ass for two hours.
7. Fifty Shades Freed - I don't know why I finished this trilogy, but I assume it's because I like to get f--ked. Hard.
8. Frances Ha/Laggies - Turns out, old man Brown ain't got time for you unlikable young ladies to find yourself. Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences.
9. Lucy - Maybe ScarJo can get smart enough not to make that Black Widow movie.
10. Hocus Pocus - The cinematic equivalent of the lady who gives out toothbrushes on Halloween.

(dis)Honorable Mention: Uncle Drew - I actually liked this sucky movie, but Kyrie was so bad in the playoffs, I now hate it. An actual old man would have been better for the Celtics this year. At least Gordon would have got more shots. Be gone, demon!

Thank you to all/both of you that have supported this site in the last year (and previously). I've named names before and basically told you I love you, which still most definitely applies. I say I'm writing this for my kids, but let's be's pretty much for you, too.

So, a decade sounds good, right? One more year of my semi-regular nonsense three weeks after a movie's release? I can do it. You might not have asked for it, but that's what you're gonna get.

*checks first post*

*does math*

For two more years. Turns out this site is only eight. Oops. 

Well, we'll just keep that between you and me, okay? And in the words of my wife...

That sounds good.


  1. Happy birthday!

    Mettel Ray celebrated its 9th birthday on the 1st but I haven't posted anything so.. it's like it hasn't had the birthday yet. I'm definitely not stopping on the 10th year. Gonna see how long I can keep this up.

    Also, who knew we started the same time, the same month, with weeks apart... cosmic?

    1. Thank you, Getter!!!

      I love that you are adamant about not stopping! I wish I had that fire. I think I'm gonna stop after year ten...but just in how long my damn posts are. Maybe these 'feature length' posts are going to have to turn into short films. I mean, how many dick jokes do I really have left, anyway???

      COSMIC, indeed. Swing by America and the popcorn's on me.

  2. Happy almost 9th birthday! I love your synopsis on all the saw that harlequin sex trilogy of crap? You are brave

    1. Thank you!! I think I saw 2/3 of that trilogy theatrically....which is something I probably shouldn't admit publicly. If it helps, I think I saw the first one as a double-feature with the first John's that.

  3. Hey a new post every three weeks still blows Mike's Cinema out of the water, nothin' wrong with that! I only started following you for the last two, but it's been one heck of a ride Mr Brown.

    1. Hahaha..thanks, Mike. Like the rest of us, I wish I could post more regularly, but as of right now, I don't have it in me. Sucks getting old!

  4. Happy anniversary mate!! Your comments on Mile 22 are hilarious. That movie was awful. And as much as I dislike most superhero movies (and I still can't stand the 'jokes' they try to shoehorn in) but I agree, the ending of Infinity war was fantastic. So much so I'm gonna go see Endgame at the cinemas - not something I'd normally do for this type of movie........ though there is a really good cam version on the net (shhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!)


  5. What on Earth is happening here? Is it 8 or 9? I think it's 8th but after reading this "I MAY BE STOPPING SOON" manifesto which you graciously dropped on your readers I can't do math anymore.

    I will link it with appropriate comparison for those heartless threats!


  6. I don't think it's fair of you to deprive the universe of these reviews. . .but congrats on the 8/9 years of service!!