Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Thanks Dad :)

I think any father has thought about what they would do in that situation. What action they would take if their child went missing. It's not a game I enjoy, but sometimes my mind wants to play it, so of course, I've kicked it around a few times...

Earlier in the baseball season I lost my son at a Phillies game, after he failed to hear/comprehend the let's head this way command. It was probably the longest forty-five seconds of my life, but luckily that's all it was. He did the right thing and told the nearest police officer that he'd lost his family, and before they could even begin the search, we'd doubled back and reunited.

But my original plan, if one of my kids went missing? The one I've given some thought to? Oh, it's simple: absolutely lose my f--king mind. 

Good thing, unlike me, David Kim's an actual adult, capable of solving problems involving those he loves the most. Starring the impossibly-underrated John Cho as the aforementioned Mr. Kim, Aneesh Chaganty's Searching is a gut-wrenching thriller you definitely need to check out. And as cool as it was to see on the big screen, turns out, it might just be better to catch it on your laptop. Wait, what?

Taking place solely on a lone computer screen, Searching ups the found-footage ante to eleven in the clever presentation of a desperate father's frantic scramble for his missing daughter. While it works better than Unfriended [review] - which I remember liking a bit -  there are still some moments and scenes where you're gonna have to shut your eyes before they role out of your f--king head.

Maybe you kids see nothing wrong with every moment of every day being live-streamed by everyone, but there were a few occasions where things got pretty ridiculous. Maybe I'm just not on YouTube when the local news streams footage of a car being pulled out of a lake, or I've never logged into a live broadcast of a f--king funeral, but these moments seemed beyond absurd. (rambles the guy on his blog)

That said, when things are on the more believable side, Searching is an engaging, break-necked thriller. Pouring through a teenage girl's social media accounts for every waking hour may not sound like anyone's idea of a good time, but when it's a relentless John Cho at the helm, well, you might be surprised. I'm not sure how Kumar feels, but I was damn near proud seeing Cho kicking so much ass, sometimes...literally (f--k you, Derek). My boy's all grown up. *tear*

Who hasn't grown up, and at this rate never will, are the Yays and Boos. If this pair ever went missing, the party thrown wouldn't be of the search variety.

Hacking into your kid's computer has never been so clutch...

  • Wow, who would have ever thought the footage of a young girl getting her own Microsoft sign in would be so...uplifting?
  • As was the whimsical journey through Windows. Seriously, I wanted to rush home and make a PowerPoint of rainbows and unicorns. Next slide.
  • I have a pretty epic spreadsheet about all the f--king bills I have to pay every month, thank you very much, but that shit doesn't compare to what dad does with Excel. Holy shit, dude - David is a f--king Jedi with rows and columns.
  • Oh, Derek. You done f--ked up, bro. Maybe next time you just stay home and fire up Netflix. Probably less of a chance you get your ass kicked, yeah?
  • Mom, would be too. Aww. I think I got something in my eye. Nope. Nevermind. It was just a knife. In my heart.
  • Look closely, as there are some pretty sweet easter eggs hidden all over. I caught almost all of them...when I found out about them in the IMDb trivia section.
  • And finally, I simply didn't see this one coming. As in, I really, really enjoyed buying whatever it was that Searching was selling. Sure, maybe it was the fact that I was finally back in a theater (it'd been almost three weeks [the worst three weeks]), or maybe it was the idea that I wasn't at school anymore (I saw this one on a break before I had to return to Back to School Night), but regardless, I had a blast seeing John Cho kicking all sorts of ass. He's come a long way since he was the Milf Guy in American Pie...
...until you see what's actually on it.
  • As exhilarating as the beginning was, it's also dick-punchingly emotional. Sweet f--k, I just sat down. I ain't ready for all this. (the updating of the calendar event was particularly awful)
  • I'm sorry, won't happen again. Ouch. That foreshadowing is a real bitch.
  • Uh, that bit with the piano teacher was pretty terrible. I know she was played by the writer's mom, but c'mon, gotta give me more than that.
  • Is a good thing or a bad thing that all of his daughter's accounts are private? No, really...I'm not sure.
  • Wow, Mom. Those are some pretty elaborate notes you keep on everyone you've ever talked too. M.Brown. Blogger. Total Asshole.
  • What kind of monster doesn't save any of their passwords on their own computer? Oh, right. The missing and presumed murdered kind.
  • The previously mentioned Derek, is, unsurprisingly, a turd. Seriously, f--k this dude. *gets handed a note from future self* Check that. Apparently, that should read F--k all high school boys. Ever.
  • #Daddidit 
  • Ugh. How about these people on social media trying to capitalize off of tragedy? She was my best friend. Yeah okay, sweetie. You wanna try this bar I got from Africa? It helps you lose weight, I swear.
  • Dude, Uncle Guy. What. The. F--k.
  • So, what the Hell was with that one dude's confession tape? That was just the worst on every possible level.
  • Ooohh....Debra Messing? Um, how do I put this? Her character in this one? And more importantly, her performance? Clearly there's some will...but there sure as shit ain't no grace.
  • Which leads me to the ending...or the almost ending. Not good.
  • And finally, two years in a row, I have ended up at the Regal near the school I work at. And both years? I saw a f--king rat in the theater. Scurried right down the aisle in front of me. And if I wasn't already on edge enough, last year, the bastard made his appearance during Wind River [review]. Not only is seeing that shit disgusting (and unfortunate), sure, but it's also borderline deadly. I'm barely keeping it together emotionally while a dad is searching for his missing baby girl for f--k's sake, and then I gotta pile on the fact that I might be sharing my popcorn with Chuck E. F--king Cheese? And this is after teaching sixth graders all day? *floor starts to spin*
All while I finished this post, my five-year old daughter Violet has been leaning on my arm, basically making it take twice as long to finish. 

Daddeeeee, what are you doing? 
Daddeeeeee, can we play Uno? 
Daddeee, can I have some raisins?            Yes. *pause* 
Daddeeeeee...where are the raisins? 
*signing* This is Daddy's quiet place! Quiet. Place. Quieeeeeet place!
Having her so close to me, and making incessant noise the entire time makes it pretty hard to concentrate, you know? I basically can't do anything without seeing and/or hearing her.

Which is fine by me.


  1. Didn't read pass the intro because I want to see this real soon. Glad that nothing more happened with your son at that game. Heading for the exits at a stadium can be an adventure.

    1. Don't blame you, Dell. Definitely check it out.

      Ugh. It was a pretty shitty minute, let me tell you. Then my father-in-law starts concocting a plan of 'never tell your mother (uh, his daughter)' and it started getting even worse.

  2. I saw a few tweets praising the film and the screening happened to fit my schedule so I watched it. It was a good film. I didn't expect how things were going to end. Despite Cho's character being stressed all the time, the man is extremely detail oriented. Honestly, if I were in his situation I would not be as useful as he was and just be frantic the whole time.

    1. HAhahaha!!!! YES! This dude is beyond 'detail-oriented', right? Holy shit, he was so organized! I hadn't even considered being calm an option, you know? I mean, who knew?

  3. Ahh man I hope you bitched to the theaters staff. When I worked at a theater in high school we had mice at one point - the entire mall the theater was located in did, and I'll never forget some guy tapping me and being like "Miss....there's a mouse in your candy case"

    I really enjoyed Searching and I'm glad it did fairly well in theaters. The trailer for this film was horrifically bad.

    1. I'm not a big 'tell the staff about the problem' guy. I just post about it months later on a blog that no one reads. I'm assuming that'll clear it right up.

      Ooooohhhh shit! In the candy case? Yikes. Not sure I could handle that one...though, come to think of it, I do always get popcorn at this theater....

      I don't remember the trailer at all, but I'm gonna trust you that it was horrible. Also with you on the fact that I'm stoked that it made good money...I just don't want to see a sequel. Well, unless it has Liam Neeson in it, that is.

  4. I bloody loved this movie. I never expected it to make me feel ALL THE FEELS though. That opening. Ugh.
    You know, I haven't had that situation play out in my head yet, what would I do if my little one went missing, but thank you, I'll be getting zero sleep tonight haha!

    1. I'm with you, Allie - it was an unexpected surprise to put it mildly. And yes, that opening? What a punch in the stomach.

      Your little one is too little for my particular brand of worries. Feel free to stay awake at night dreading about a million other things first, okay? I honestly thought there was going to be a day when I wouldn't worry about my kids.

      Yeah, not so much.

  5. It was pretty f--king gross, honestly. I kidded myself the first time...but then, just kind of sat there being a dick about it.

    I love that you will/already have seen Venom twice. Yet another one that we totally disagree on! daughter is such an adorable jerk sometimes.

  6. We'll have to wait until 2020 for Wonder Woman 84.

  7. I've seen it around and I'm very curious about it. I guess I won't have as big of a connection to it, but it's probably still going to be a very interesting watch. Hoping to get to it as soon as possible.

    Nice review as always. Plus, I totally relate to finding all the easter eggs... while reading the trivia section on IMDb!! I have gotten one reference though, in Upgrade, and I literally screamed and was like YES, I GOT IT!!! (it was the most obvious one too but I mean, let me have my moment, okay!?)