Sunday, July 29, 2012

This is our Waterloo, baby!

I've called the police just once in my life. Last New Year's Eve, somebody drove through my neighbor's fence, and I figured I'd call it in. Turns out, the lady on the phone didn't really give a shit. Do you know who did it? Um, no. Well, then. There's nothing we can do. Imagine if this were their attitude on a larger scale, saaaaay the murder of your family. Then what? Well, if yesterday's flick taught me anything, there's only one thing you can do. Let the system take care of it. Wait, what?

Can you hear the ominous synthesizer? I can..
Vigilante is awesome. Sure, I have an inordinate amount of man-love for Robert Forster, but regardless, this revenge-flick is a good time. Released in 1983, this one doesn't imply anything. The bad guys look, sound and act like bad guys (actually, really bad motherf--kers, honestly). The good guys are fed up with this, and decide to do something about. Pretty simple, right? Well, yeah. Kind of.

New York City, according to this flick, is a steaming pile of human waste. They are recording forty homicides a day, and the police have lost control. Our main man Nick (played by the ever-badass, Fred Williamson), has had enough of this shit, and he and his two friends are taking matters into their own hands. Enter family man Eddie (Forster, younger but still a force), who's simply interested in making a little more scratch at work so he can take the wife and kid to Florida.

Though friends, these two guys don't see eye-to-eye on the whole vigilante justice matter. Eddie believes in the system, while Nick believes in cutting bitches and knees to the face. Well, after an incident with Nick's family, let's just say all Hell breaks loose. I'm sure you've seen a revenge flick before, but after you get a peek at what happens to Nick, you might find yourself bloodthirsty, too. Then, everything that was pretty straightforward, pretty black-and-white, well...they start to get gray. Blood gray.

Okay, that didn't make sense. But watching Forster and Williamson kick ass does. I was surprised at how quickly I was buying what director William Lustig was selling. Trust me, it won't take you long. The flick opens with a pretty lengthy speech by Williamson detailing the sad state of affairs the city has found itself in. If you roll your eyes at all, just get out now. But me? I ran to the shed to get a tire iron and some old bike chains.

It's so bad, you can't even go out at night anymore. I heard two kids got jumped by the Yays and Boos. Be careful, man. They'll mess you up.

This guy might not look it, but he can kick all kinds of ass.
  • The first act of vengeance is awesome. It basically let's us know, oh, it's this kind of party.
  • I know I've mentioned it before, but Forster's voice is the best. Even the younger version rules.
  • It's sort of laughable nowadays, but those incidents when the score goes apeshit + the camera zooms in quickly when it's on? You have to love'em.
  • The courtroom scene! Holy shit. When Nick loses it, it's so intense. It was worth getting 30 days.
  • Save some for me, Burke. I need that on a T-shirt, asap.
  • If you can, catch this on blu ray. It looks incredible for its age and budget.
  • I liked Horace the Pimp. I mean, the pimp's name is Ho? Tell me that isn't the best thing ever.
  • I don't know which came first, but our good guys kick ass behind the wheel of the A-Team van.
  • The guy pictured above, Super Prisoner Guy. I'm not exaggerating. Outside of whatever he was locked up for, he is the best human being on the planet.
  • You know you're pissed when you're released from jail and you immediately walk through multiple outdoor handball games not giving a f--k, and declare I want him. And then the revenge music blares.
  • And the biggest Yay for revenge. Even if it doesn't truly make you happy, it was sweet for a minute.
If only you could hear the sound he's making right here.
  • When you get in an elevator at night and the only other passenger won't stop staring at you. Not cool.
  • The guy at the gas station. Way to go, bitch. You couldn't say something?
  • The legal system. Legally Blonde this ain't.
  • Another contestant has entered the worst shower scene ever competition.
  • I know I've said it's funny, but pushing a guy over who's in a wheelchair? Even if he's basically cool with it, I'm not. Well, at least not this time.
  • And finally, the biggest Boo for why Nick needs revenge so damn bad. It's pretty unsettling.
I've heard that this one is on Netflix Instant, whatever that is. Check out the blu if you can however, I highly recommend it. I like physical media. You know, so I can take matters into my own hands.


  1. Great write-up. Williamson was at his best in this! Super cool. Loved the bit when he blasted the politician with the shotgun.

  2. Yeah, that was awesome. After I wrote this up, I checked your site to read your review and was shocked you didn't have one.

    It's absurd. In my mind, you have seen and reviewed every old-school action movie ever made.

    1. Thanks! That is a very cool thing to say.

      A review is finally coming soon in Feburary for Fred Williamson month...AKA Fred-urary.

  3. I have chosen your site to get the Liebster Award.

    1. Whoa. Thanks for that, man. Awesome.

      I was reading yours just before I started my last post. Well done.