After college I was really into cargo pants!

Friends with benefits. I had never heard of this concept until I got to college. Maybe the vernacular didn't make it to Hawai'i, or maybe I simply was too much of a dork to be offered these delicious extras to camaraderie, but this idea was foreign to me for my high school years. Jeez, elementary kids probably know what the term means these days. Or they simply opt for the classier label, f**kbuddies.

Did you ever make a vagina by combining hands with a friend? Cause I didn't.

Goodness. Anyway, all that nonsense leads us to the first of last night's flicks, the appropriately titled, Friends With Benefits. I picked this one up with the wife in mind (that sounds dirty), thinking that she enjoys a good (and recently released) romantic comedy. I had read some decent things, so I figured, well, why not? Throw in the bonus of a fairly hot Mila Kunis plus a usually bankable Justin Timberlake, and good times are guaranteed, right? Let's just say that why not? quickly became why bother? and tiptoed near why God?

Okay, that might be overselling the awfulness - but it is kinda bad. I'll throw the initial blame on Timberlake, because as good as he is on SNL (the guy is a funny bastard), he seems to lose his footing here. The dramatic bits fall flat. Strike two, is actually the R-rating. I know. If you read this blog often (and you don't), or if you have ever spoken to me in a car (and you haven't), you realize that I love a good curse word or two (or nine-hundred), It's true, I do. But here it seems unnecessary and forced. Where old-schoolers Doris Day and Rock Hudson would have had rapid-fire banter that was clever but still somewhat sexual, Kunis and Timberlake just copiously curse quickly and have the worst movie-sex since MacGruber [review]. On top of that, just about everything else comes off too damn perfectly. I know, by federal law, romantic comedies have to be cutesy, but this one takes it too far, too often.

I was going to bring sexy back, but instead I'm going with the Yays and Boos. Ready?

I feel like destroying something beautiful.

Yaaaaaay!

• Emma Stone shows up for a minute and is the best thing about this flick.
• Woody back on the court? Somebody call The King and Duck. 
• Luke from Modern Family? Love that kid.
• I Will Follow You Into the Dark might be the best song ever. Especially for...
• ...Richard Jenkins. Who classes up anything.
• suck-a-bag-of-d**ks = Louis C.K., right?

I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo...

If you're on the shore, than you're sure not me, oh.

 Boooooo!!

• iPad jokes? Someone had to be first.
• Shaun White. Not funny, bro.
• Her mom, the middle-aged slampiece.
• Can gay people be subtle? Not according to bad movies.
• Butt double. Technical foul on Kunis.
• Child oncologist is a douche! Really? So, I guess if that guy is just in it for some trim, all men are evil.  Makes sense.

As I might've mentioned, this was the first film on Saturday. I'll probably type up the review for the second one tomorrow. Hint? Two words: Grant. Mazzy.