Friday, July 24, 2015

I hate everyone except for you.

I write all my posts in the order I watch the films. I'm not sure why I'm so principled about it, but ever since I've started, that's been a rule. Generally, this is just proof of how many bad movies I watch (often, in a row), but sometimes, inadvertently, a theme presents itself. And when I chased It Follows [review] with a film about sexual addiction, I started to think the universe is trying to tell me something.

I mean, it's not like I'm always thinking about sex or anything. Heavens, no.

I didn't know what Thanks for Sharing was about when I started it. Between you and me, I can't read the Netflix summaries from across the room, so this one got dialed up because of all the pretty people who star in it. Shallow? Yes. But with my wife at my side (on a night when the kids were gone), somehow, this one just seemed right.

Though that's the way that all posters look these days, the image to the left perfectly captures the plot of this movie. Three couples (one each of the married, dating and just friends variety) are connected by the strange bond of, you guessed it, sexual addiction. And their love of blondes. And while everyone looks oh so happy! eventually each story will intersect in some major (upper-class) catastrophe.

Oh, and Pink will shave Olaf.

It would be easy to write this off as another movie starring a lot of famous people that isn't really good, but shockingly, I kind of enjoyed Thanks For Sharing. It's not a perfect film by any stretch, but it's a decent story anchored by some really solid performances. And it's got Mark Ruffalo, so, why the f--k not? I mean, you're basically playing with house money.

Ruffalo does that good thing that he's been doing for years, injecting (his character) Adam with that forlorn sadness that makes you want to give the guy a hug. Until he snaps and does something terrifying, that is. The more time we spend with Adam, the easier this movie is to enjoy, as his arc is easily the movie's most interesting.  

Eventually Adam meets and falls for Phoebe, played by Gwenyth Paltrow, and this is where things initially go down hill. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's Paltrow I don't like, or her character, but Phoebe comes off not worthy of risking the five years sober Adam's currently holding on to. He's a sweet guy, and we can't fully trust this chick, even though he's the one with the walk-in closet full of skeletons. Sexy, sexy skeletons.

Closeted, yes, but skeletal...possibly, are the Yays and Boos. Honestly, these two keep trying to convince me that being a sex addict would be the best. If they keep it up, I'm going to make them re-watch Shame [review]. Or Sex Tape [review]. That'll show them.

Wait. Is this a scene from Iron Man 4?
  • Ruffalo, kickin' it old school. Not only is he looking pretty f--king skinny, but dude's rocking the flip phone (aka the phone that can't get porn).
  • God I love Patrick Fugit. I really enjoyed what he did here, playing the recovering-addict son to Tim Robbin's character. That apology scene...
  • Um, what the f--k, Pink? This performance is shockingly...good? And to think, I was totally going to let her get her.
  • I'm not gonna cheer what went down, oh no, but is it cool if I applaud how hot that hooker was? My goodness. I always imagined them toothless, and having one of the following: eyepatch, mustache, penis.
  • And finally, something that doesn't outright suck from my Netflix list. Yes, this movie isn't really that good (the more I think about it), but at least was better than that other super-serious sexual addiction movie I watched recently, Zombeavers [review].
I know I'm supposed to think this is sexy, sure, but...
I really just want to type fart noises over and over.
  • Josh Gad plays a doctor, fine, but he's got some serious issues with um, inappropriate touching. There's no f--king way I'm building a snowman with this dude.
  • Oh, rich white people. You're always eating the darndest things!
  • That upskirt scene was awful in not only content but in execution, too. What the Hell is this?
  • So, I'm thinking that wearing a shirt that features 85% of your tits to a sex-addict support group is kind of a party foul, no? 
  • What the f--k was with Job Guy's freak out? I get it, but still. That was some weird shit.
  • Speaking of, Carol Kane, good to see you, but for f--k's sake, why are you here? 
  • Okay, Becky, good to see you. Enjoy your meal. Feel free to f--k off, okay?
    • And while I thought that was bad/awkward, this chick's next scene was ludicrous. The Daddy Thing was terrifying...not to mention her insistence that Adam slap the shit out of her. Yikes.
  • That bike crash was so lame. It might have even been worse than the one in This is 40 [review].
  • Show of hands, please: Anybody else think Phoebe's meltdown at dinner was impossibly ridiculous? Yeah, me too.
  • Pink kind of saves Gad's Dr. Feelgood character, after he does her a solid. Her gift to him? A trip to this weird hippie freak-out dance class. Yep. The perfect gift for a guy who can't help but rub up on strangers: dance class.
  • Phoebe taking Adam's phone. Oh no you don't, bitch.
  • We get a pretty intense domestic squabble. It's not good. Like, Mom gets body checked into a table not good.
  • How does Neil (Gad) become the character that we like? How is this possible?
  • And finally, Tim Robbins. Look, I like the guy and all, but I feel like this dude has been coasting for a decade. Mike is a really big asshole, and Robbins does nothing to make us like the guy. Especially the way he talks. It made me wish he was addicted to killing himself.
Wow. I really changed course on that one, huh? Well, I can't say that it hasn't happened before. And honestly, while I was writing this post, I was half-watching/entirely listening to Cruel Intentions. Man, Reese Witherspoon was looking (extra) fine in that movie. That picnic scene? Goodness. 

Okay, so I was totally thinking about sex the entire time I wrote this. But I got it under control, okay? It'll never happen again. Promise.

Is that what an addict would say? Aw, Hell.


  1. I did like the Daddy scene....before she started going insane of course. But other than that....woah.


    1. tumblr tumblr tumblr tumblr tumblr

      I can't stop thinking about what you showed me on there. One of the users that liked your post, er, thingy of Ruffs was called cadaver-blowjob.

      What the f--k is going on over there?

      And why am I not there right now?