As a little kid, I'd always choose flight, because, Hell, it's flight. Like, you could just fly around the world like Superman, or, because I'm old so very old, like Mighty Mouse. Or, and I'm not a hundred percent sure on this, Captain Caveman. Regardless, you were flying, and that was all that mattered. You saw yourself zooming over your neighborhood like the opening shot to every kids' movie ever, and you'd think there's nothing better, that would be amazing.
But when young boys become young men, things change, and instead of the super-hero ability of flying, you choose invisibility, because, well, boobs. I'm pretty sure that was all I was thinking about, and quite frankly, I'm kind of pissed that I had to consider this hypothetical, when that's less time for pondering, the aforementioned chesticles. Because in your teenage boy mind, there's nothing better, and they would be amazing.The Invisible Man.
|Imagine your house being so big you've never seen an entire wing of it...|
Guys, I was already into the movie (even though it was all fairly...familiar [damn that trailer]), but can I just tell you? THAT MOTHERF--KING SCENE DID NOT DISAPPOINT. On my couch, in a moderately lit room, I audibly gasped, like loud enough to wake the kids. Hell, I'm pretty sure my wife legit died for five or six seconds. She's fine now.
|My wife, when I ask if she's still awake.....|
- You know, if you're a psycho piece of human garbage, you might as well embrace it. The grand acts of murderous intent are one thing, fine, but can we give it up for standing on a sheet? That shit is tremendous, right there! It's such a small act, but such a huge eff you.
- Hahaha, Tom's own brother hated him. Well...he said he did.
- In the trailer, they showed Cecilia dousing invisible Tom in paint, and it always lit a fire under my son. Dad, THAT'S SO SMART. Six months later, when I tell him I watched the movie, he doesn't even let me fini-THE PAINT THING, DAD. SHE DID THE PAINT THING, RIGHT? SO SMART.
- Yo, the technical wizardry, at times, was phenomenal. That kitchen fight was f--king bananas. As was the madness at the hospital!
- I know I already mentioned it, but the chaos at the restaurant was legendary. Not only what happens, and how it goes down, but the f--king reaction from everyone else afterward is equally thrilling.
- And finally, even if it's ridiculous, the suit is bad ass. And this 'Goof' from IMDB makes it even better: "In order for Adrian's suit to work, it must cover him completely. Any person covered completely by such a suit would likely have a heat stroke and die within minutes of putting it on, as the body's main way to release excess heat is through the skin. This could be solved by a liquid cooling setup with an external radiator such as the kind used in spacesuits, but there's no indication Adrian is wearing anything like that. In addition, such a circulation system would have a pump and fan that both make noise, giving away his presence. Furthermore, this raises the question of when and where he's finding the time to eat, drink, and take care of his personal hygiene. After several days of sweating inside that suit and not showering, his smell alone would be overpowering." Holy shit, did you read it all? Me too! Hahahahahaha.
|You see an attic, |
but it might as well be marked Police Evidence.
- Why does every rich a-hole have to have a house that looks like Elon Musk built his own IKEA?
- Tom, you're a controlling monster, we get it. But you can also stoically punch through a car window? Check his birth certificate, does it say Cyberdyne?
- Okay, I have had some bad job interviews, but usually I pass out from shame and embarrassment afterwards. (and why did that guy want to jump her bones so badly? was that by design or did the actor just have a raging boner?)
- Look, I'm all for low-key hostility (the rug, for example), but sending a shitty e-mail to a family member? That's just rude. [insert hard stare from Paddington]
- But, uh, the hitting of a certain someone was the ultimate dick move. I actually got upset about that. Usually I dig those helpless moments for our protagonist, but that shit made me rage inside.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. James gets to work this case? Really? Were all the other detectives at lunch?
- Honestly, that's kind of what you get for being rude to the waitstaff...just saying. #serversunite
- And finally, really Tom? Sushi for a pregnant lady? I thought you were some kind of genius. You don't seem like the kind of dude who springs for previously frozen fish, so, uh...hope you like diarrhea. Other people's anyway...