You're not going to let me spend my birthday all by myself, are you?

Is that a long time?

That's what my son asks me, every single instance where we discuss the concept of time. It could be the thirty minutes until dinner, the seven months till Christmas (which means Skylanders), or the five years till he's ten (he's obsessed with that age), but time is still a very fascinating thing for him. Today, however, the number isn't thirty, seven or even five. Today the number is three. 

Three years ago tonight, I started this blog as a personal forum to express my love for movies. I didn't know what I was doing, and had never even read someone else's movie blog (um, those are both still essentially true). It started slowly (and rather embarrassingly), but I was hooked regardless. I had to keep doing it. In fact, there hasn't been a movie I've seen in it's entirety and not posted about since that night. It's basically a tradition at this point. A sad, sad tradition.

Also tradition, is this annual horribly self-congratulatory anniversary post (2012, 2013). It's not only a look back at the year that was here at Two Dollar Cinema, but also a thank you note to the people who make this train wreck even possible. Let's start with that look back first, shall we?

I watched and reviewed (and by review, I mean rambled endlessly near) 87 movies in the last twelve months, 28 of which I saw in the theater. Not too surprisingly, that's actually a huge decline from the 113 and 44 I churned out last year. But, making and raising a baby can take a lot out of you. Well, not so much the making....Anyway, dramatic films doubled the nearest other genre, with a total of 32 so-called dramas taken in. Horror was the lowest of any genre watched, with only seven flicks featuring people getting killed in ridiculous fashion.


And despite still really hating lists, here are the the top and bottom thirteen movies from the last year. Feel free to disagree with all of them, because in a week, I will too.

Two Dollar Cinema's Top 13 (May 2013 - May 2014)

1. The Wolf of Wall Street - I have been living my life incorrectly.
2. In Bruges - I loved every single thing about this film.
3. Gravity - One of the most terrifying movies I've ever seen.
4. The Lego Movie - Almost too much fun. Beyond awesome.
5. This Is the End - It was almost the end of my life, too. No air.
6. The World's End - The only movie I bought after seeing it.
7. The Raid 2 - Expected the world and wasn't let down. At all.
8. Thor 2 - I love Jane. And, kind of want to be her? Weird, right?
9. Don Jon - Outside of the ending, this movie is f--king brilliant.
10. About Time - As in, it's about time I stop crying like a wee girl.
11. Captain Phillips - Screw you, Academy. Hanks is flawless.
12. Monsters University - I thought Pixar had lost a step. Nope.
13. The Heat - My wife and I couldn't stop laughing at McCarthy.

Two Dollar Cinema's Bottom 13 (May 2013 - May 2014)

1. Walking With Dinosaurs - I think I hate Jurassic Park now.
2. Big Bad - Simply awful. Luckily, it's indecipherable at times.
3. The Babysitters - A club that no one should ever belong to.
4. Only God Forgives - Blink you motherf--ker! Blink!
5. Free Birds - We will never celebrate Thanksgiving again.
6. Planes - Like Cars 2, but worse. And Cars 2 sucks balls.
7. Big Wedding - No white for the bride, as she f--ked us all.
8. The Paperboy - If only this movie was stung by a jellyfish...
9. Killing Season - DeNiro and Travolta clearly have bills to pay.
10. Hansel & Gretel WH - I wish someone pushed me in an oven.
11. Guilt Trip - The only one guilty is me. I rented this. Willingly.
12. Valhalla Rising - Say something, I'm giving up on you.
13. The Help - This movie, for me, was a lot like that special pie. 

Now, like any three year old, we're not going to quit while we're ahead. We're going to leave oh, how cute territory and enter I think he needs a nap land.

Good, but Never Again

1. The Impossible - Or as it's known at our house, What to Never Show a Pregnant Woman
2. The Hunt - I wanted to leave my house and fight. My opponent? Humanity.

Really Bad Movie, Really Good Time

1. Safe Haven - The funniest movie about domestic violence ever.
2. The Call - I called 911 immediately after, to report Halle Berry's agent missing and presumed dead.
3. The FP - I dare you to watch this. All of it.
4. Cat People (1982) - They should probably make more movies about incestual leopards. Or less.

With the formalities out of the way, let's start this party. And like any embarrassing gathering, we're going to make this a themed event. And as this is a movie site, I think there's no better way to celebrate a turning three than a motherf--king Harry Potter birthday. Please, find your nametags and let's cut the cake and blow out the candles. This party is really for you.

Sati @ cinematiccorner. It's been years and she's still promoting this mess almost weekly. If I'm going to make it through Hogwarts, she's the one carrying my ass.

Brittani @ Rambling Film Always quick to comment, she drops the hammer like none other. I'm sure Ginny cursed like a sailor when no one was around. Totally.

Fisti @ A Fistful of Films A blogging maniac, in the best possible way. Ron kept Harry going, even when Harry was being a huge dick. Like, always.

Elina @ Films and Coke I love her blog, especially her use of footnotes and that sweet ass rating system she's come up with. Luna's good to show up out of nowhere, say something amusing and basically float away. Seems about right, no?

Wendell @ Dell On Movies A quietly fantastic blogger. He inspired one of my most ridiculous posts ever with his clever blogathon. Neville, was a bad motherf--ker. He just played it cool till he needed to be.

NOT PICTURED: asrap @ Whoa, This is Heavy! (my own personal Draco Malfoy, for beating me to the punch always) Alex Withrow @ And So it Begins...(Dumbledore, obviously) and Jess and Linds @ French Toast Sunday (would Fred and George offend you? 'Cause those dudes were pretty unpretentious). Thanks you all for the support.

Everyone else? You're represented by Cho Chang, chilling in the back. You're attractive and I secretly have a thing for you, so there's that. And you come here, so you're likely really smart, too. But, would it kill you to speak up? Damn, Cho. Damn.

And finally, to my family, thanks for putting up with this. Again and again.

Because yes, Matty. 

It is a long time.