Sunday, May 10, 2015

Hey, wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here!

It's fitting that today is Mother's Day, as we celebrate those who not only brought us into this world, but those who have nurtured us along the way.

Tonight, well, what's left of it anyway, I'd like to celebrate a different kind of mother: Me.

Four years ago this evening, I started the shit show currently in front of you. Initially, it was 2 Dollar Cinema (with the bland, red-curtain background Blogger has at the ready). I thought I would actually say something with this forum, but quickly it turned into me making as many lame jokes as possible. Ah, how (wasted) time flies...

Anyway, as is the tradition around here [years three, two and one], I'd like to look back on the fourth year of Two Dollar Cinema. It's been a long, strange journey, that even though feels like a lifetime's worth of bullshit work, oddly also seems as if it's just getting started. 


The last year has been a rather tumultuous one for me personally. I quit a career, stayed at home with the kid(s), worked third shift (90 minutes away), quit that job, and ultimately went back to the initial career. Meaning? I watched a lot less movies. In fact, the past twelve months may be the lowest movie-watching totals of my adult life, which surprises no one, as I'm also at an all-time high of young lives responsible for.
  • From May 10, 2014 to this evening, I saw 78 movies for the first time. Twenty of which I saw theatrically. That bests a previous low of 87 and 28. Ouch.
  • You'd think I'd opt for some f--king comedy, but once again, drama wins out, as 33 of the films I watched would (loosely) qualify as dramatic.
  • Of those 20 theatrical flicks, my number one partner-in-crime was my wife, with a whopping 9 nights out among adults. Pretty sure I need to check my math again on that one....seems high.
Speaking of high, here is a list of the best of the best from the last twelve months (don't sweat the order...I didn't):

  1. Nightcrawler - Incredible. Gyllenhaal totally disappears.
  2. Gone Girl - Jason and Freddy ain't got shit on Amy. What an amazing film.
  3. her - A love story for your brain that breaks your heart. Phoenix will never be better.
  4. Begin Again - Great songs are timeless. So is this movie.
  5. Neighbors - My wife and I needed this one. Move over Axl, there's another Rose I will forever worship.
  6. Guardians of the Galaxy - I dragged my wife in, but I dragged her out, too. 
  7. 21 Jump Street - I was late to Tatum's greatness, but the original was hysterical.
  8. Edge of Tomorrow - Like Cruise dying, I could watch this one over and over.
  9. John Wick - Like the seemingly endless waves of guys getting shot in the head, Keanu killed me in this one.
  10. Paddington - My son and I had the perfect snow day.
  11. Blue Ruin - Revenge has never felt so real. Or sad.
  12. Big Hero 6 - Even without much fanfare, another great Disney flick for sure. 
And now...the worst of the worst from the last twelve months. Trust me...this was a dogfight.

  1. Tammy - Maybe not entirely deserving of the #1 spot, but still. I actually felt physical pain for everyone involved.
  2. Jupiter Ascending - Unfathomably bad. I will still see the Wachowski's next film. Assuming there is one...
  3. Sex Tape - Jason Segel isn't allowed to be in a movie this unfunny. I'm pretty sure it's a law.
  4. They Came Together - ...and ruined my evening.
  5. Big Eyes - Tim Burton, cementing his place as Guy Who Doesn't Give a F--k Anymore.
  6. Labor Day - I actually had a blast with how awful this one was, but I expect more from Winslet and Brolin.
  7. Godzilla - Hey, here's a plan for the sequel: SHOW THE F--KING MONSTER.
  8. No Good Deed - Have a drink every time someone does something that no person would ever consider.
  9. This is Where I Leave You - Oddly enough, is the same location where they'll find my body.
  10. Captain Courageous - I almost jumped overboard.
  11. Saving Mr. Banks - If only someone could have saved Mr. Brown...from the unhappiest person on the planet.
Before I go....two awards! Well, fine...three.

The award for: DESTROYING MY F--KING BRAIN goes to...Enemy with Jake Gylenhaal.
The award for: DESTROYING MY OTHER BRAIN goes to...Fifty Shades of Grey with that one guy.
And the award for I LOVE/HATE YOU SO MUCH goes to...Endless Love. I've never had so much fun with something so, soooo bad.

Thank you to all that routinely stop by. It means everything to me. I will never be able to fully articulate how much your comments and support actually mean to me.

Honestly, if I tried to tell you how I really feel...

I'd just repeat the same five words over and over...

before storming off to my room...

nearly in tears...

ashamed and embarrassed...

like a typical four year old.


  1. Nice list mate! Love your work :)

  2. Happy Mother's Day???

    Great post. Tammy is really bad. And I'm completely with you on Godzilla. Also love all rhe movies I've seen on your best list. Neighbors was quite the nice surprise.

    Thanks for the banner love!

    1. Thanks, Dell. I think....

      If only Tammy and Godzilla could have switched places. I really could have went for less screentime for Tammy, and more for the big guy. Maybe they'll do a crossover...

      Neighbors was PERFECT. Me and the wife we kind of down at the time, and that one turned the ship around in a major way. They're hulking OUT!!

      You're welcome...can't get the linkage to work, so the banners will have to do...for now.

  3. Aww, I love you and your blog! Happy blogiversary, and here's to many more!

    And thanks for reminding me how awful Labor Day was. Ugh. lol

    1. Brittani...I'm not the first person to completely adore you for your status as COMMENT MACHINE, and I assume I won't be the last, but if only you could see the goofy smile that comes across my face when I see one of your comments. Well, check that. You probably don't want to see that, ever.

      Labor Day! Aptly titled, as that movie was a f--king chore to get through. (but I had fun...naturally)

  4. I'm with your blog, and you know you're my brotha from another blog!

    LOL, I know why you watched Captains Courageous.

    1. Thanks man, I appreciate that. I know I'm a huge dick for being so infrequent at your site (among others!), so I adore that you still even bother visiting this trainwreck.

      Dude, even though some of those watches felt like work (3am, up against the deadline!), I am so grateful that your TWICE series exposed to me some legit classics. know the kind of shit I watch. You really helped class it up around here. You know, for a minute.

      But Courageous? Damn. Just....damn.

    2. TWICE was a lot of fun. You'll have to let me know when things calm down on your end and I'll snag you for another bloggers roundtable ;-)

  5. Ha ha! I am so glad you didn't make Shit Show your blog title. Congratulations on four years of awesomeness. You are definitely on the short list of my Favorite Bloggers on the Planet.

    1. I don't know...Shit Show sounds pretty catchy, you know?

      Thanks! I don't even want to know how many hours I've dumped into this site, but four years is certainly a good chunk. I mean, that's almost as long as I was in high school.

      You are on my short list, too. I always appreciate your insight and humor. Thank you, thank you - THANK YOU for stopping by as often as you do.

  6. Wow, four years...Getting old there mbrown. Glad you've stuck around, you're definitely one of my favorite bloggers on the web, keep up the good work!

    1. Old? OLD!!!? Yeah....totally appropriate. Even got some white hairs in the beard, Mike. I'm almost Gandalf.

      Thanks for the kind words, man. I appreciate it. And by 'keep up', clearly you mean 'start some', but I get you, Mike. I do.

  7. Happy blog anniversary! Great top list, loved some of the movies you listed.

    1. Thanks! It took me only a minute to come up with the best of the best, as I adored all of those movies for one reason or another.

  8. Awwww, thanks for the mention and congratulations! Your site is the best!

    I really hope Spy is the exact opposite of Tammy in terms of quality.

    1. I've told you this (in one way or another) every year: this site likely wouldn't exist with your support. While I happily thank you for that, my wife likely wishes you'd stop visiting so I would stop wasting time typing dumb shit til two in the morning. I mean, I could be watching her sleep!

      Shit...if I get punched directly in the dick upon exiting the theater after seeing Spy, it will still be a more favorable experience than Tammy. Easily.