Ever since we left the hospital with our daughter, my wife and I have lived in a permanent state of unyielding chaos. But through it all, there has been a singular constant: movie night (oh, and our insatiable love for one another, I guess). Our movie night tradition, though steadily decreasing in frequency, has been without surprise for over a decade. Formulaic, almost. After settling in, it goes something like this:
Her: Do we have anything funny or romantic to watch?
Me: I was thinking something with subtitles. Or a thriller. Maybe even a subtitled thriller.
Her: (pretending to consider this) Nah. Are there any good romantic comedies out?
She says that last line as if yes is a possible answer. I start to half-heartedly flip through the collection or scroll through On-Demand or Netflix. Then it happens. The words that are about to be uttered will surely doom both of us.
Her: Oh, what's that one with Jennifer Aniston? Is that supposed to be any good?
Now we both know how this is going to end. She'll hang in for about twenty minutes, maybe more because of Aniston's presence. She will then slip in to a mild coma, leaving me to finish the movie I never wanted to see alone and irritated. She will wake up the exact moment I hastily click off the television.
Her: How was it? Was it any good?
In a word, no. The Swtich, starring Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman is not good. But even worse, it, like many a movie night at the Brown house, lacks anything remotely surprising. If you've seen the trailer, you know how this movie is going to end. Hell, if you can see that poster to the left, you know how this movie is going to end. You also know that this movie is incredibly stupid, insultingly bland, and not worth the 101 minutes required to finish it.
But if for some reason you missed the trailer, or somehow can't see that poster to the left, let me break it down for you (or the person reading this aloud to you, in Hell).
Jennifer Aniston, seriously flexing her acting muscles, plays an attractive and likable thirty-something New Yorker named Kassie, who may or may not have a job. Despite being hot as f--k and living in a city with four million dudes, she can't find a guy to bang her out and make a baby. Across the table from this fictional person, is Jason Bateman as Wally. Wally is a whiny, neurotic jerk-off, who has somehow managed to have the sexiest friend in the history of time. Surprising no one, they once had a short-lived fling back in the day (which they are bound to reference in the least-natural way possible), but now are happy just being friends.
Her: Do we have anything funny or romantic to watch?
Me: I was thinking something with subtitles. Or a thriller. Maybe even a subtitled thriller.
Her: (pretending to consider this) Nah. Are there any good romantic comedies out?
She says that last line as if yes is a possible answer. I start to half-heartedly flip through the collection or scroll through On-Demand or Netflix. Then it happens. The words that are about to be uttered will surely doom both of us.
Her: Oh, what's that one with Jennifer Aniston? Is that supposed to be any good?
Now we both know how this is going to end. She'll hang in for about twenty minutes, maybe more because of Aniston's presence. She will then slip in to a mild coma, leaving me to finish the movie I never wanted to see alone and irritated. She will wake up the exact moment I hastily click off the television.
Her: How was it? Was it any good?
But if for some reason you missed the trailer, or somehow can't see that poster to the left, let me break it down for you (or the person reading this aloud to you, in Hell).
Jennifer Aniston, seriously flexing her acting muscles, plays an attractive and likable thirty-something New Yorker named Kassie, who may or may not have a job. Despite being hot as f--k and living in a city with four million dudes, she can't find a guy to bang her out and make a baby. Across the table from this fictional person, is Jason Bateman as Wally. Wally is a whiny, neurotic jerk-off, who has somehow managed to have the sexiest friend in the history of time. Surprising no one, they once had a short-lived fling back in the day (which they are bound to reference in the least-natural way possible), but now are happy just being friends.
