We're not bad people. We just come from a bad place.

Sex.

While generally the best thing ever when it goes bad, it seems to go really bad. Sometimes, you'll actually hear stories of people who are suffering through life as <gasp!> sex addicts. For years, I've laughed this off. My response was either well, all guys probably are borderline cases or just a simple lucky. In Chuck Palahniuk's novel Choke, the main character, an addict himself, actually used to hook up with the women at the sexual addiction meetings. Ha ha. Everything's funny, right?

No. Not at all.

This was the third film in the June 30th triple feature, the Old Bay of my ridiculous analogy, and also the first movie that I've willingly watched on DVD (and not blu). My wife and I watched this one hours after putting the little guy down. What I thought would be a fascinating (and sexy) flick turned out to be as unsettling as anything I've seen in years.

Shame , while a tough watch at times, is mesmerizing. The film focuses around the life of a pretty successful guy named Brandon, played by the white-hot Michael Fassbender. Brandon seems like a pretty solid individual, but has some major sexual issues. On top of that, his sister shows up (unannounced, sort of), and she too is all kinds of messed up. Publicly, you would never doubt either of these two. Behind closed doors (or alleys, bars of the gay and straight variety) things are radically different. I think saying that they are both majorly f--ked up might cover it. Might.

What isn't spiraling out of control, are the performances of everyone involved. I don't need to gush over the two leads, Fassbender and the always incredible Carey Mulligan, as any film either has appeared in is all the proof you need of their excellence. Surprisingly, what I enjoyed slightly more than those two was the direction and editing of this film. The minimalist approach is so unnerving, so unsettling you are helplessly compelled to watch (stare, even) though your gut instinct might be to look away. Director Steve McQueen has only one other feature under his belt, but I'm in for whatever else this guy delivers. Goodness.

One thing I want to mention, is that my wife watches a good amount of movies with me. She has much simpler tastes, and is usually down for a nice drama or a easygoing rom-com. When I popped this one in, I refused to tell her what it was about. Being the uber-dork that I am, I think I've seen one movie that I knew nothing about (I saw Thumbsucker in the theater, hadn't even heard of it at the time). My goal is to allow her to be shocked and free of any certain expectations. I think it's noble. She hates it.

Anyway, this one bothered her. A lot. Early on in the movie she was so disgusted by Brandon she actually told me, I hate him. I say that all the time about characters in movies, but never with such conviction. Yikes. By the end however, she was more Well, now I feel bad for him. Oh, Wife. You so crazy.

Let's break this one down with some sexy Yays and some pathetic Boos, turns-out-this-one-isn't-a-date-night-type-of-movie style.

Yaaaaaay!

• The editing. Seriously. When we don't cut to another angle, we're no longer watching a movie, we're just watching. It makes things incredibly uncomfortable.
• The score is fantastic as well. First time in awhile I actually remember the accompanying music.
• The blonde pictured to the left. She is super hot. And, at this point in the movie, I thought Brandon still had it together.
• Thanks for the tip on What To Do When You Hear Family Members Doing It. I should have gone for a run. I just stayed still and shuddered.
• The incident in the subway station. This is one of my favorite scenes in years. The way it's presented is frickin' brilliant. Urgency in the background, especially unbeknownst to the main character in the foreground, is always great. So many things were rushing through my head (it was incredibly realistic).
• And finally, the burgeoning trend of a final shot that provides major uncertainty. Can't get enough of those. This one is reminiscent of the last frame of Like Crazy [review]. Thoughts?

 Booooo!

• No one checks their messages like that. Not even dudes with giant schlongs. Well, at least I don't. 
• At the workplace? Really? Though in all seriousness I worked with a guy who claimed he would do the same at a red light. Impressive. And creepy.
• This movie features the worst consensual sex ever put to film this side of MacGruber [review].
• Brandon's boss. This guy is a real douche. He seems rather clueless too. Oh, wait. I'm being redundant. I already mentioned boss.
• Okay, I'm not trying to start anything here, but if that's what all gaybars are like, I have just one question. What. The. F--k?

Bottom Line: You know some people think that it makes everything better, but it turns out too much can be incredibly destructive. Give it a shot, just don't overdo it.

That, friends, concludes the June 30th triple feature. We started with Puss In Boots, I messed around with The Dead, and the Wife and I experienced Shame.

That, friends, also concludes the most epic pointless story/worthless analogy ever. If you didn't read the other reviews, you have no idea what I'm talking about. That's okay. Neither do I.

Anybody want to challenge the awesome randomness of this triple feature? Let's see what you got!

Maybe we're being punished for our arrogance.

For me, the zombie film, is the best type of horror. I could watch a good one anytime. It feels like they've been officially cool again for the last ten years or so. When I was a kid The Return of the Living Dead, my first exposure to the undead, got me hooked (though it's probably horrible now). The more recent mainstream stuff like 28 Days Later, Snyder's Dawn of the Dead and even Zombieland have been decent, but nothing has been flat-out great (if you mention any of the Resident Evil flicks, I will bite your face off). My favorite one of all (and a personal top 20 of all time) happens to be Shaun of the Dead, but as great as it was, it wasn't very scary. The search continues...

My second film of the June 30th triple feature, the eggnog if you will, attempted to fill that void. Guess what? I'm still looking.

Credibility Hit #1,985: I've never seen a minute of The Walking Dead.

The Dead tries. It does. It's obviously low-budge, but there are some cool things going on. Namely, the setting. Sure, if you've played Resident Evil 5, it's not altogether surprising, but Africa is a very cool place to witness the outbreak of zombie-induced mayhem. Maybe the impact is lessened a bit, because it's not where I live, but the barren environment is harsh enough. Throw in flesh-eating bastards and the odds are overwhelmingly horrible.

Let me say it now, I love bleak. I love hopelessness. Happy endings are great in real life, but in movies? Give me an ending like The Mist anyday.

Here's what you need to know: A white guy must get back to the United States to see his family. A black guy, not super fond of the whiteman in general, must find his son. White Guy, is an engineer, and was on the last flight out of Africa. Black Guy, was a soldier, who arrived home just after the zombies destroyed his village. These guys must work together to survive and reach their families. But damned if those slow-ass zombies don't have other plans for them.

We don't have any baby muffins.

I grew up in a town called Waikoloa. There, we had a small grocery store, the cleverly titled Waikoloa Village Market. I had a huge thing for one of the clerks there and remember being very selective about the items I would purchase in her lane. My God, she was beautiful. I recall buying something I thought was cool enough and trying the chitchat thing to horrible effect (probably just enough to be that Nervous Guy). Anyway, I get home, and my mom tells me we need a plunger. NOW. Without questioning, I jump back in the car and haul ass back to the store. Quickly, I realize, this looks bad. Beautiful Cashier Girl, will see how I bought something from her, went home, took a massive dump, and raced back to acquire the tools necessary to extricate the aforementioned deuce. I panicked. But fearing my mother worse than eternal shame, I reluctantly headed back to her lane (the one all the way on the left). To my utter terror/ultimate delight she made the chitchat this time. Something like, Oh, man, that sucks. I laughed along, but did not say a word. This day had gone historically bad.

Years later I was in a very different grocery store and I had to buy just three items: Eggnog, Old Bay and a 6-foot extension cord. Ever since the plunger incident, I began to imagine how the person ringing me up would judge me and my purchases. On this day I thought to myself, no one in the history of the world has ever bought just these three items. No one. There's no connection. No correlation at all. You can't judge me.

Blogger Guy, you're losing me. Fast. This shitty site's about movies, right?

Right. On Saturday, I watched three movies. In their entirety. I was pissed because in the first month of my summer break I only watched eight movies. Unacceptable. So on the last day of the month, I pulled off the rare triple-header. I present you, the 6-foot extension cord of the bunch, Puss in Boots.

Since I've probably wasted most of my goodwill, let me get right to it. Puss in Boots is quite simply okay. Having seen all the Shrek movies, Puss was a character I was all for seeing more of (I avoided the dirty phrasing of that, thank you very much). Antonio Banderas is hysterical with the breathy goofiness he provides for Puss' voice. Add Salma Hayek, and you had me at Salma Hayek.

The plot is simple, though probably completely irrelevant to about 150% of the audience tuning in. Let's just say that things happen, and Puss must go an adventure. There will be some swordfights, some dancing and a surprising amount of sexual innuendo. if you're two (like my son), this will bore you quickly. If you're thirty-two (like my wife was last year), this will bore you, just not as quickly. If you're me, you'll hang in and enjoy it just enough to not hate it. 

One thing I did want to mention, is the idea of nursery rhymes. My wife said something to the effect of Do kids even know these? and I thought it was a fair question. Jack and Jill? Jack and the Beanstalk? Are these references for the adults only? Are children going to refer back to this film when they tell their own kids about these nursery rhyme characters? I know, that's a stupid question. Children of Men takes place in fifteen years from now, so no need to worry.

Enough tomfoolery. Here are the soft and cuddly Yays and Boos, cat-people-are-crazy style.

I refuse to Google the answer, but is he the Nasonex  Bee Guy, too?

Yaaaaaaaay!

• Dude. Puss gets a lot of, well...tail.
• Tattoo Guy = Inspired lunacy. I thought it was funny enough when he had the magic beans tattooed on his arm...
• Scheduled DANCE FIGHTS are even cooler than impromptu ones.
• Maybe this is a Texas deal or something, but when I was in primary school and someone would get in trouble we would all say Ummmmmm as that person was summoned to the teacher. In this flick, they have the Ohhhhhhhh cat. He rules.
• Traveling via tumbleweed? Brilliant.
• The beanstalk is pretty badass. I bet it looked very cool in 3D.
• When Puss is left for dead, the last crow is pretty awesome.
• The Great Terror! This ferocious beast is intense. When it destroys the town? It made me want to throw a horse out of excitement.
• Playing in the clouds is just like I always imagined it when I was a kid in an airplane/still to this day.

 Boooo!

• Humpty Dumpty, as voiced by Zach Galifianakis is kind of lacking. He has his moments (The First Rule of Bean Club...), but isn't very memorable. Or funny.
• Jack and Jill are scary. I mean, even-for-me scary.
• I know, I know. But outside of Disney's best, I hate all the ridiculous singing and dancing in these second-tier animated flicks. Save it for the credits.
• We couldn't get a Donkey cameo? Or at least Gingy...

Bottom Line: This one is short and does it's job. Nothing memorable. But it didn't cost me much either.

Wait. What does this have do with a 6-foot extension cord? I hate this site.