There have been many things from my past that I have wished would have come together. While a few have been honorable like a certain job and my availability and qualifications, most have been something not so honorable, like my fist and that guy's face. Some even stray into pervy territory, like the supposed joining of my face to say, her breasts.
But long before I was incapable of thinking about anything other than women, I thought about men. Big, sweaty men. With their massive muscles and super-deep voices. I wanted these man to come together and do one thing, and one thing only.
I wanted them to beat the shit out of each other.
Seeing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Scwarzenegger come together in Escape Plan made me happy. Not motorboating happy mind you, but happy nonetheless. At times, the flick filled me with a sense of nostalgia and childlike joy, and I couldn't help but smile. But like many childhood fantasies, upon closer inspection, the whole thing is pretty much pointless.
Sure these two aging titans have shared the screen in both Expendables flicks, but something was different here, a little more intimate perhaps. If only it had been good.
Sly plays Ray Breslin, security expert and prison system consultant. Breslin, after a career as a lawyer, has dedicated his life to making sure prisons are escape proof. How, you ask? He thoroughly examines the blueprints from his cushy office and makes recommendations via conference call, obviously.
Wait. That's not it.
Actually, going deep undercover, Breslin gets locked up posing as a degenerate scumbag, then breaks out from the inside, exposing the prison's flaws firsthand. Bitch.
Because, you know, that's a job that guys have. I'm sure of it.
But long before I was incapable of thinking about anything other than women, I thought about men. Big, sweaty men. With their massive muscles and super-deep voices. I wanted these man to come together and do one thing, and one thing only.
I wanted them to beat the shit out of each other.
Sure these two aging titans have shared the screen in both Expendables flicks, but something was different here, a little more intimate perhaps. If only it had been good.
Sly plays Ray Breslin, security expert and prison system consultant. Breslin, after a career as a lawyer, has dedicated his life to making sure prisons are escape proof. How, you ask? He thoroughly examines the blueprints from his cushy office and makes recommendations via conference call, obviously.
Wait. That's not it.
Actually, going deep undercover, Breslin gets locked up posing as a degenerate scumbag, then breaks out from the inside, exposing the prison's flaws firsthand. Bitch.
Because, you know, that's a job that guys have. I'm sure of it.
