Fifteen to twenty years ago, they were gonna kill us with battery-sized tumors forming on our brains.
Now, it seems they'll help us kill more than just ourselves, as we barrel down the highway at eighty miles an hour with our foot on the gas but our eyes in our laps.
But the way cell phones will really end humanity? They'll be so f--king all-encompassing, basic human interaction will be entirely superfluous. You can't create a life...
...when you don't f--king have one.
In the latest quietly-shitty movie adaptation of a fairly-rad Stephen King novel, a mysterious pulse transmitted through cell phones has turned most of the world's population into something resembling a zombie. Cell, from director Tod Williams (dude's apparently too cool for that second d) is a direct-to-video thriller, low on budget but high on intrigue. Initially, anyway.
After landing in a Hallmark Channel version of Boston's Logan Airport (maybe he flew Sandpiper Air?), graphic novelist Clay Riddell (John Cusack, playing Bitter Guy We Like for the 900th consecutive time) attempts to call his wife and finally share some good news. Their relationship is on the rocks, but Clay's desperate to see his young son again. Maybe the fact that his book is getting published will turn things around for the couple.
Unfortunately/fortunately, his phone dies, and in the midst of attempting to call her back, everyone in the airport loses their shit and kills each other in hilarious fashion (think The Happening with less lawn mowers). Rightfully so, Clay gets the f--k outta there and heads to the subway station and hooks up with Tom McCourt (Samuel L. Jackson, playing a...guy). These two quickly decide they need to make like David Ortiz and leave Boston in utter shambles.
Sorry, I've got something in my eye.
Now, it seems they'll help us kill more than just ourselves, as we barrel down the highway at eighty miles an hour with our foot on the gas but our eyes in our laps.
But the way cell phones will really end humanity? They'll be so f--king all-encompassing, basic human interaction will be entirely superfluous. You can't create a life...
...when you don't f--king have one.
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| Where's J. Lo when you need her? |
After landing in a Hallmark Channel version of Boston's Logan Airport (maybe he flew Sandpiper Air?), graphic novelist Clay Riddell (John Cusack, playing Bitter Guy We Like for the 900th consecutive time) attempts to call his wife and finally share some good news. Their relationship is on the rocks, but Clay's desperate to see his young son again. Maybe the fact that his book is getting published will turn things around for the couple.
Unfortunately/fortunately, his phone dies, and in the midst of attempting to call her back, everyone in the airport loses their shit and kills each other in hilarious fashion (think The Happening with less lawn mowers). Rightfully so, Clay gets the f--k outta there and heads to the subway station and hooks up with Tom McCourt (Samuel L. Jackson, playing a...guy). These two quickly decide they need to make like David Ortiz and leave Boston in utter shambles.
Sorry, I've got something in my eye.
