That's kind of a stupid analogy.

As I write this, the NBA All-Star Game is on in the background. As a kid, I absolutely loved the All-Star Game. It was a collection of big stars from my favorite sport putting on an impossibly entertaining show. Even if the game was silly and ultimately meaningless, it was so much fun to watch. No strategy, no defense, just the biggest and best players making shot after shot. And as I look back on those days fondly, now unsurprisingly, it's a different story. Now, I think, this shit is almost unwatchable. There's nothing on the line, no drama at all. Unless you're a pretty hardcore basketball fan, you shouldn't even bother.

After seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger's comeback flick a few weeks ago [review], I thought it was only fitting that I check in on my man Sylvester Stallone as well. And while I'll go on record saying that I enjoyed Bullet to the Head more, I think that's faint praise, at best.

Despite the basketball analogy suggesting otherwise, there is some fun to be had with this flick. First, Stallone is still a f--king monster. This guy is sixty-six years old for f--k's sake. Sixty. Six. And when he's not growling at someone, he's beating the shit out of them. Subtlety, thank God, is out the window. Next, we've got a pretty solid villain in New Conan, Jason Momoa. He's a big f--k as well, and has no problem shooting a bitch in the head. And finally, you've got a seriously hot chick (for all of you less-refined gents out there), the beautifully dirty Sarah Shahi. This trio, while you may not care about them, they'll at least hold your interest. Everything else? Well, not so much.