I don't know if it's because I've now set my summer movie-loving sights on the upcoming Expendables sequel, or simply because I've spent too much time at the always awesome Comeuppance Reviews, but last night I felt compelled to fire up some (mindless) action. Though I've seen just about every Stallone and Schwarznegger flick ever, I'm not as dedicated to the second (and third?) tier guys. So, who did I turn to for a cinematic roundhouse to the face?
F--kin' Chuck Norris.
Forced Vengeance hit theaters in 1982. I don't know what audiences made of it then, but now it's pretty ridiculous. Chuck Norris has morphed into a bit of a sideshow in recent years (I put the blame on that Walker, Texas Ranger lever that Conan O'Brien had, though I don't know if that predates the 'facts' craze), but in his day he was pretty legit. Sure, he lacks any semblance of range but makes up for it with his no-nonsense style of ass kicking. Maybe other roles allow him to actually change expression, but in Forced Vengeance, Chuck's stuck on slightly disappointed. He'd prefer it if everybody would just be cool, but if bitches step out of line, Chuck's going to do something about it. He's all business, even when it gets personal.
The story is pretty standard. Norris plays Josh Randall, the muscle at a casino owned by his old friend/father figure, Sam. Sam's son, David, runs the day-to-day operations now that the old man has basically retired to a life of desk collecting and pool installations. Guess what? David's not the best at this job, and has got himself (and therefore, everyone) in some deep shit. He can get out if he sells the casino to some unsavory types, but guess what? His old man's not interested. Guess what else? Those unsavory types? Who knows why they ever ask in the first place, because those dudes are going to do whatever they want. And that's when Chuck getspissed involved. Oh, you done f--ked up now.
Before my silhouette gets spin-kicked to the face, I'm going to unleash my special move. On my knuckles, some spiked Yays. In my boot, I keep a couple of razor-sharp Boos. But I don't want any trouble. I just want to play cards. Or something.
F--kin' Chuck Norris.
Forced Vengeance hit theaters in 1982. I don't know what audiences made of it then, but now it's pretty ridiculous. Chuck Norris has morphed into a bit of a sideshow in recent years (I put the blame on that Walker, Texas Ranger lever that Conan O'Brien had, though I don't know if that predates the 'facts' craze), but in his day he was pretty legit. Sure, he lacks any semblance of range but makes up for it with his no-nonsense style of ass kicking. Maybe other roles allow him to actually change expression, but in Forced Vengeance, Chuck's stuck on slightly disappointed. He'd prefer it if everybody would just be cool, but if bitches step out of line, Chuck's going to do something about it. He's all business, even when it gets personal.
The story is pretty standard. Norris plays Josh Randall, the muscle at a casino owned by his old friend/father figure, Sam. Sam's son, David, runs the day-to-day operations now that the old man has basically retired to a life of desk collecting and pool installations. Guess what? David's not the best at this job, and has got himself (and therefore, everyone) in some deep shit. He can get out if he sells the casino to some unsavory types, but guess what? His old man's not interested. Guess what else? Those unsavory types? Who knows why they ever ask in the first place, because those dudes are going to do whatever they want. And that's when Chuck gets
Before my silhouette gets spin-kicked to the face, I'm going to unleash my special move. On my knuckles, some spiked Yays. In my boot, I keep a couple of razor-sharp Boos. But I don't want any trouble. I just want to play cards. Or something.
