You can just shut your mustache.

TREE-D? Was this animated in Hawai'i?

We made it. With a two-and-a-half-year old in tow, my wife and I actually completed an entire movie in the theater. This was our fourth attempt, so I guess we're batting a respectable .250. With one eye on my son, one eye on the big screen and both ears on the screaming toddler to my right (thank God that wasn't ours), we conquered Dr. Seuss' The Lorax. The verdict? Irrelevant. We saw the whole thing.

Now, the good doctor and I are pretty tight. Hop On Pop, Ten Apples Up On Top! and my personal favorite, There's A Wocket In My Pocket, get a ton of play around these parts. I don't think my son likes them nearly as much as I do. That said, the movie versions of his stories have been rather hit or miss. The live-action stuff...yeesh. But at least the animated Horton Hears a Who! was pretty charming. The Lorax is entertaining and of course, visually dazzling, but not nearly on par with the upper-echelon stuff of Disney and Dreamworks. For animation, the bar is high. Really, really high. Maybe unfairly so.

The little romance angle was pretty sweet.

Presumably, not that many of you in blogger land have kids, but the frickin' 20+ minutes of previews got to be maddening. As my son sat there patiently, I grew more and more the opposite. In my lifetime of going to the movies, this was the first time I was actually pissed as each successive preview came on the screen. Half of the crowd could basically shit their pants at anytime, so you might want to get on with it, you dig? Made me think that all kids movies should probably call it at the hour mark.

I knew the line was coming and I still laughed.

As for the movie itself, unless you hate the environment, you'll probably enjoy the message. Though, they do lay it on pretty thick. In fact, at one point a little girl in the audience pleaded rather loudly to "Stop cutting all the trees down!" That probably makes the top 5 of Best Things Ever Said during a movie. Probably. Oh, and on the song front, there are only a handful of numbers and each one isn't overly annoying. I enjoyed the last one about planting the tree. That one was pretty rad.

Look at this punk. I said cheese.

Since it was such a miracle that we made it out of there with our dignity intact, I'll leave on a high note. Here's a few Yays, truffula tree-style.

• Okay, the Lorax and my uncle Jack are the same person. Truth.
• Ed Helms and his guitar magic strike again.
• The river, er, bed scene is very well done. Why is digital water so awesome? I love it.

This is the part of the post where I confess to having a hand in the eventual destruction of an actual forest in Hawai'i. Totally my bad. I'll leave that one for another day...

I could hear the little man inside me again. He was screaming like a little girl.

I scored a copy of The Men Who Stare at Goats on blu for .99 at a Blockbuster in East York. I'm always up for a kickass ensemble production, and this flick has a quartet of guys who have portrayed some legendary roles.

You have Ewan McGregor (Obi-Wan, Renton), George Clooney (Batman, Mr. Fox), Jeff Bridges (The Dude, Clu) and Kevin Spacey (Verbal Kint, Jack Vincennes). Hell, you even get a little T-1000 for good measure.

So, what does all that talent get you? Not that much. The movie isn't terrible, but is isn't very good either. The idea that the military has this secret Jedi program run by the Dude is pretty sweet. The fact that nothing really happens in Iraq isn't. There was some opportunity here, but it was squandered more often than not. If you want to see Ewan McGregor do quirky, please, please catch Big Fish. Clooney in Iraq? Three Kings is great. For a dollar, I'm not mad at all. And I do it give it some credit for clocking in at 94 minutes. That's basically the duration of a nap from this kid:

Not that you asked, but the two best ensemble flicks in the last 15 years I can think of are Heat and CopLand. L.A Confidential should make that list as well.


For the record, his favorite movie in the world right now is Cars. I have seen it about 40 times. Seriously.