There's a reason I've never jumped my bike over downed power lines. There's also a reason I always get out of the water at the slightest hint of a thunderstorm. And in the unlikely event I'm out skateboarding in the worlds most improbable skate park and a eleven-year old girl shows up? Well, I'm not going to assume shit. Why not? Because I know.
And knowing is fifty-percent of the skirmish.
Damn. Did I just screw up something that should have been so easy to pull off? Man, that's embarrassing.
You know who can sympathize with me? Every single person involved in the creation of 2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. What could have been a good time with some relatively iconic characters turned into a pretty epic mess. To be fair, there are a couple of moments that I actually enjoyed. But, the same could be said for every time I've shit my pants, too.
On that horrible note, let me briefly explain why I even bothered with this flick in the first place. One, perhaps nefarious forces have commandeered my soul, but I was pretty pumped about the sequel, currently in theaters and wanted to do my homework. Two, an ex-student of mine, we'll call him JS, literally swore by this movie, and brought in a bootlegged copy that he demanded we watch in class after a big test. And if you can't trust the thought process of a kid who took at least three cracks at seventh grade, who can you trust? I mean, really. And third, as is painfully apparent, I'm an idiot who has no respect for his time, let alone the medium of film as a whole.
And knowing is fifty-percent of the skirmish.
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| Pretty sure Harry Knowles was replying to, "How's your sandwich?" |
You know who can sympathize with me? Every single person involved in the creation of 2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. What could have been a good time with some relatively iconic characters turned into a pretty epic mess. To be fair, there are a couple of moments that I actually enjoyed. But, the same could be said for every time I've shit my pants, too.
On that horrible note, let me briefly explain why I even bothered with this flick in the first place. One, perhaps nefarious forces have commandeered my soul, but I was pretty pumped about the sequel, currently in theaters and wanted to do my homework. Two, an ex-student of mine, we'll call him JS, literally swore by this movie, and brought in a bootlegged copy that he demanded we watch in class after a big test. And if you can't trust the thought process of a kid who took at least three cracks at seventh grade, who can you trust? I mean, really. And third, as is painfully apparent, I'm an idiot who has no respect for his time, let alone the medium of film as a whole.
