Being the hugely influential trendsetter I am, I've decided to try to watch more horror movies this October, to gear up for Halloween. I know, I know - revolutionary idea, right? Wait, what's that? Everybody does that? Well, damn.
Okay, how's this? Instead of just watching any horror movie, I'm going to dig deep and watch a shitty one. I bet that's never been done before.
Maybe shitty is too strong, but overall, I was pretty disappointed with Silent House. I'm not sure what I expected, but as someone who rarely watches horror movies (my wife can't stand being scared), I was hopeful this little flick could give me a few decent jump scares. And while the setup was intriguing/creepy enough (though inherently ridiculous), eventually, it all became tedious and frustrating.
The plot is simple, if not just a little bit silly. A girl and her dad are fixing up their old house in an attempt to sell it. To lend a hand, is the moderately-creepy uncle. All of this? Reasonable enough. Creepy house, small cast...works. But, the power is out. And, due to pesky kids, every window is boarded up. Hmm. I guess that explains why it's pitch black in the house, despite the fact that it's f--king daytime. Whatever, I'm still on board. Oh, what's that? Your cell phones don't work up here? Well, then. F--k this.
And while my rational mind had problems with this one, other parts of my body had a good time. The reason? A very convincing (and oddly attractive?) Elizabeth Olsen. She doesn't have much to do, but I enjoyed watching her do it. [Even I see this has taken an unsettling turn] All I'm saying is that I enjoyed her performance. And her shirt (i.e the real Olsen twins).
Okay, how's this? Instead of just watching any horror movie, I'm going to dig deep and watch a shitty one. I bet that's never been done before.
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| This is the same face I made when the movie ended. |
The plot is simple, if not just a little bit silly. A girl and her dad are fixing up their old house in an attempt to sell it. To lend a hand, is the moderately-creepy uncle. All of this? Reasonable enough. Creepy house, small cast...works. But, the power is out. And, due to pesky kids, every window is boarded up. Hmm. I guess that explains why it's pitch black in the house, despite the fact that it's f--king daytime. Whatever, I'm still on board. Oh, what's that? Your cell phones don't work up here? Well, then. F--k this.
And while my rational mind had problems with this one, other parts of my body had a good time. The reason? A very convincing (and oddly attractive?) Elizabeth Olsen. She doesn't have much to do, but I enjoyed watching her do it. [Even I see this has taken an unsettling turn] All I'm saying is that I enjoyed her performance. And her shirt (i.e the real Olsen twins).
