Somehow, I was moderately respected in high school. Like, almost everyone was fairly okay with my presence (and the incessant sarcasm/high school douchery that came with it). But even more shocking, and I shit you not, the hottest girl in school was a fan, too. A big fan.
She was smart, funny, had a sweet...uh, truck, and was, in all seriousness, jaw-droppingly beautiful. And while she liked me, her true love was the beach. And surfing.
On more than one occasion, she would beg me to come out with her so she could teach me how to surf, but there was (foolishly, I'll readily admit) no f--king way that was going to happen. Even after repeated tales of her top being totally lost at sea (this wasn't her persuasion angle, just anecdotes that rendered me incapable of basic human functioning), I couldn't bring myself to do it. Ever.
Surfing, to her, was something beautiful, something that connected her to the ocean and all the marine life that lived in and around it. It was, without a doubt, part of her DNA. Me? I never appreciated the ocean until years after I left it. DNA? F--k. I was in it for the T&A.
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| You could remove all the words and just say the following: It's like CastAway, but Tom Hanks is a hot chick and Wilson's a seagull. Oh, and there's a giant, a-hole shark wanting to eat both of them. |
Which is a motivation deeply rooted in many a...man, as there are an infinite number of things most dudes (high school and otherwise) will do/and or watch to satiate our primitive instincts. Not the least of which is this summer's highly-effective thriller The Shallows, Blake Lively stars in this 85-minute gem that checks the boxes of not only watching a pretty lady doing stuff, but also, a notch or two down the list, sharks f--king eating people.
Opening with a bit of the end, before heading back in time, The Shallows tells the story of Nancy, a twenty-something year old sorting some shit out. When we meet Nancy, she's riding shotgun in a rusty-old pickup with some handsome hombre named Carlos. She's a little coy with the stranger, but this pilgrimage to some top-secret beach location serves two purposes: One, the beach was a spot her late mother often told tales of, and this visit will help Nancy reconnect. And two, as a recent med-school dropout, the time away will hopefully provide some direction as to what, if anything, Nancy will do with the rest of her life.
Opening with a bit of the end, before heading back in time, The Shallows tells the story of Nancy, a twenty-something year old sorting some shit out. When we meet Nancy, she's riding shotgun in a rusty-old pickup with some handsome hombre named Carlos. She's a little coy with the stranger, but this pilgrimage to some top-secret beach location serves two purposes: One, the beach was a spot her late mother often told tales of, and this visit will help Nancy reconnect. And two, as a recent med-school dropout, the time away will hopefully provide some direction as to what, if anything, Nancy will do with the rest of her life.
