What's that old saying? Hate brings us together. Hmm...that might not be it. But it's close, I'm sure.
Anyway, it's probably always been that way, but with message boards, social media, Hell, the internet as a whole, it's easier and easier to not only find something to hate, but people to hate it with. Now, I'm not talking about organized, awful, deep rooted, mean-spirited hate. I'm talking about silly shit that annoys you on the regular. Honestly, I'm too old to really hate anything anymore, as I can rarely muster up the time or energy to care either way. That said, here are six things I f--king hate the shit out of. Maybe you'll be able to join in?
- Fanboys, especially of the video game variety. Guys, are you f--king kidding me? We're arguing about toys. Buy it, play it and shut the f--k up about it.
- The Montreal Canadiens. Way to go, f--kers. You beat my beloved Bruins, and now this?
- Melissa Joan Hart. Everything post-Clarissa Explains it All is just awful and infuriating.
- Maryland drivers. Just the biggest group of non-blinker using a-holes ever. If only there were cliffs they could blow past me and drive the f--k off of.
- The fair. F--k you, do I hate the fair. Bad food, awful rides and just the worst of the worst of humanity. Oh, and it smells like shit. Everywhere.
- Family Guy. Yep, never really cared for this. At all. Ever. Not my kind of humor.
Perhaps surprisingly, I didn't hate A Million Ways to Die in the West. In fact, looking back, I think it was pretty f--king funny. Maybe it was the lively crowd, maybe it was the excitement of an advanced screening (my first since 2006), or maybe it was just because it's honestly funny. Whatever it was, the movie worked for me.
Set in Arizona in 1882, A Million Ways... tells the story of Albert (a hysterical Seth MacFarlane), a pretty shitty shepherd who hates every single thing about living in the Wild West. Every single thing that is, except his lovely girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried, in full on bitch-mode). Turns out she needs some time to work on herself, and dumps poor Albert and shacks up with Foy (Neil Patrick Harris, kicking ass left and right), the proprietor of the local mustachery, whatever the f--k that is. Foy is a huge dick, and routinely torments Albert until the mysterious Anna (Charlize Theron, hotter and more likable than ever) shows up and slowly instills confidence in him. We've seen this story before, but trust me, it's never been told quite this way.
The plot is incredibly secondary, as surely no one will be talking about it on the way out of the theater. What they will be talking about, however, are the jokes, and whether you like them or not, this movie is f--king full of them. Sure, some are beaten into the ground in true MacFarlane style, but even those work. While I was probably smiling the entire time, and laughed out loud a fair amount, the theater was rolling. Shit, the guy next to me? That dude probably pissed his pants a dozen times he laughed so much. But...he also came equipped with a pretty serious stack of comic books...so, there's a chance that most of that urine was already there.
