I've never been to a rooftop party. I stopped wearing a backpack in fifth grade. And I totally don't have a (possibly gay) friend from every ethnicity on the planet. Though that sounds lovely.
And the people I do know? None of them have fancy mustaches. Or impeccably groomed beards. So who the f--k am I supposed to hit up the food truck with? Who's going to drink all these craft beers with me and eat these mason jars full of honeysuckle flavored bacon. And even if I could find these people...and do all these things? What would I do with all the great pictures we would take, print them out?
Like, I'm not even on Facebook, for f--k's sake. Assuming that's still a thing...
Clearly, I'm not a f--king teenager, or even one of those mega-sized versions known as someone in their late-twenties, so it's safe to say Nerve wasn't exactly made for me. But, unlike the three high school girls sitting in front of us who took selfies during the previews (after some terror alert: red level of incident before that made them file out of the theater for thirty seconds), I stayed off my phone and watched the entire f--king movie. And you know what? Even if it's actually really shitty, it moves so f--king fast I didn't even notice.
Venus (Emma Roberts, all twenty-six years of her) is a 12th grade yearbook photographer stuck in the shadow of her friend Sydney, the head cheerleader at their Staten Island high school. Venus is probably a cool chick, but you'd never know it with Sydney literally flashing her sweet ass all over school. Turns out, ol' Syd isn't simply a giant slut, but instead a coveted player of the hottest underground game around, Nerve. Like many revolutionary cell phone games!, Nerve is simply an electronic rip-off of something that came out years prior. Here? It's truth or dare. Minus the truth. Because no one cares if you've ever looked at your butthole in the mirror, okay? Jesus.
And the people I do know? None of them have fancy mustaches. Or impeccably groomed beards. So who the f--k am I supposed to hit up the food truck with? Who's going to drink all these craft beers with me and eat these mason jars full of honeysuckle flavored bacon. And even if I could find these people...and do all these things? What would I do with all the great pictures we would take, print them out?
Like, I'm not even on Facebook, for f--k's sake. Assuming that's still a thing...
Venus (Emma Roberts, all twenty-six years of her) is a 12th grade yearbook photographer stuck in the shadow of her friend Sydney, the head cheerleader at their Staten Island high school. Venus is probably a cool chick, but you'd never know it with Sydney literally flashing her sweet ass all over school. Turns out, ol' Syd isn't simply a giant slut, but instead a coveted player of the hottest underground game around, Nerve. Like many revolutionary cell phone games!, Nerve is simply an electronic rip-off of something that came out years prior. Here? It's truth or dare. Minus the truth. Because no one cares if you've ever looked at your butthole in the mirror, okay? Jesus.
